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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I shouldn't have been 'expelled' from speed awareness course?

308 replies

ParsleyTheLion1 · 09/05/2016 19:49

Shortly before I was due to give birth to first DC, I was photographed doing 37 in a 30mph tunnel out near Docklands in London. (I hadn't realised the speed limit but that's no excuse, obviously).
By the time I'd received the speeding ticket etc and completed the paperwork for attending a speed awareness course etc, there wasn't enough time to do the course before giving birth. However, there is a time limit within which you have to do the course (a few months I think), so I booked it for the latest possible date (so that my DC would be as old as possible when I had to do it).
I attended the course when DS was 11 weeks. Course is 4 hours. Including travelling time, that meant about 5 hours in total away from DC who I left with a friend. I was still breastfeeding so had to take pump with me to the course (I was told I could duck out of the room to express when I needed to; this was crucial to me as I was recovering from a breast abscess which was being drained twice a week at hospital at the time, so management of breast engorgement was vital).
At the start of the course, we were told to keep our phones switched off. I put mine on silent and checked it a few times (discreetly). Once, I was caught checking it and the teacher ticked me off. Some 15 mins before the break in the course, I went off to pump in a next door room. I returned at the end of the break with the others.
At some point, about 20 minutes before the end of the course I checked my phone and probably started writing a text (I don't recall). The teacher spotted me and immediately just said to his assistant "take [soandso] out of here and send her home]". He said it in a harsh and peremptory fashion. I apologised and tried to plead to be allowed to stay. But he was having none of it. He said that he'd warned the class that anyone using their phone would not be allowed to complete the course and would therefore have to retake it. I am adamant that I was not made aware of this. (I can only imagine he gave this warning when I was outside pumping, or maybe had gone to the loo.)
Clearly I was doing something I shouldn't have been doing (i.e. checking and using phone to text). I did not do it to an unreasonable extent (I had to attend the course again a few days later and knew everything they were going to say and answers to the questions); I did it as discreetly as I could; and I feel it was a bit unfair that I didn't realise it would mean expulsion from the course. The teacher's manner was very unpleasant and unsympathetic also (i.e. he could have done the whole 'I'm sorry that I have to do this but these are the rules' etc).
Or maybe I got what I deserved? Who knows. I was very upset at the time. But maybe I should have just sucked it up. Which, actually, I did because I had no choice.

OP posts:
MarthaCliffYouCunt · 09/05/2016 21:45

Hang on, so if it had to be done within 6 months of the offence and OP says she booked it for the latest date she could so as baby was as old as possible. Baby was 11 weeks that means the speeding happened 3 months before the baby was born! Plenty of time to get it done before the baby was an inconvenience.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 09/05/2016 21:45

I've just read the OP and I have to say, there is a lot of stuff about breastfeeding that's irrelevant. You could have been out at the loos in the normal course of events when this 'warning' was given. But ultimately I agree with others who have said that you'd received one warning and there have to be some hard and fast rules. The course is already a second-chance and it's vulnerable to being taken advantage of. And the teacher snapped - wouldn't you have?!

I'm far from perfect but would never, ever check my phone during class if I'd been asked not to.

wheresthel1ght · 09/05/2016 21:46

They warn you at the start of the course that any attempt to use a mobile phone is grounds for exclusion.

You were highly unreasonable, especially as you had already been warned.

herecomesthsun · 09/05/2016 21:46

ok I think I have made my point - a few times- I am aorry about your leg ESD

DailyMailAreArses · 09/05/2016 21:46

I'm 50:50 on this. Unreasonable for them not to allow you to postpone the course, but I think they needed to reduce chance of you speeding again. Could your friend have come with you and baby and perhaps had a video feed or something? I can't help feel that you were slightly discriminated against a little - they could have given you the number of the course administrator for your friend to call in an emergency, or made sure you didn't miss anything by allowing time at the end to cover everything missed with you.

Alisvolatpropiis · 09/05/2016 21:47

Seriously Daily?

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 09/05/2016 21:49

But there was no reason to check her phone in class! She already had these extra opportunities to check it while she was away pumping in the loos. And the class was due to end in 15 minutes anyway. And the child was not a few days old.

EatShitDerek · 09/05/2016 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Muskateersmummy · 09/05/2016 21:49

I think they do make exceptions, they allow you a pretty long time from offence to taking the course, there are breaks during which you can take calls, send texts, and in extreme circumstances you can leave your phone on silent in front of you. I'm sure if op had asked at the beginning and had received and urgent message about her child, they would have allowed her to make a call to deal with it. But I'm sorry to say your not engaging with the course of you are checking your phone and texting.

They allowed me to move around, organised me a special chair, but I went, I paid attention and I appreciated the help and exceptions they made to accomodate me.

AllPowerfulLizardPerson · 09/05/2016 21:49

I think Daily must have missed the info that additional pumping breaks were permitted.

This is straight phone-on-in-class stuff that applies to everyone.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/05/2016 21:49

Oh ffs... Someone said the D word... Hmm

Inertia · 09/05/2016 21:51

You were allowed breaks from the course to pump- why not check your phone then?

bloodyteenagers · 09/05/2016 21:51

a video feed?
So I am on a course and I have to loose concentration because parents want video feeds of their babies? To what sit and look instead of paying attention? To communicate with the baby/carer, again when they should be concentrating.

How is it discrimination?
She wasn't forced. She could have taken the points.

MarthaCliffYouCunt · 09/05/2016 21:52

She did inertia. She just wanted more checking during class.

Gabilan · 09/05/2016 21:53

Oh ffs. The op was in this situation because she broke the law in a way that endangered the lives of others. If you can't spend 4 hours without your phone, don't speed. It's not rocket science.

JuxtapositionRecords · 09/05/2016 21:53

dailymail are you joking? A video feed of the baby...not really sure where to go with that.

But you are right actually, op has been discriminated against. Don't they realise she is a breastfeeding mother?? How dare she be inconvenienced with a course intended to save lives after she was caught putting them at risk. Maybe she should sue? £20k would cover this discrimination I reckon.

Pigeonpost · 09/05/2016 21:53

I did one of these courses the other week. They were quite clear that there was to be no phone checking. Given that you had already had entirely reasonable additional absence from the room over and above the set breaks it was entirely unreasonable, unnecessary and bloody rude to be sat there texting!! My teacher did say that if you were a carer then it was ok to have your phone out but that was clearly in case of emergency situations.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 09/05/2016 21:54

I could be wrong, but I think the OP accepted she was BU about 50 posts back.

gabbyevs · 09/05/2016 21:56

get annoyed with oh shes got a baby shes being completely reasonable-so everyone who has a baby is exempt from rules?

what a load of tosh

its the limehouse link u were in and yes people do go over but its clearly signed at the start with a 30 sign

AlysaEdwards · 09/05/2016 21:57

Daily care to define under which characteristic the OP has been discriminated against as per the Discrimination Act? No? Just bandying about pseudo-lawyer legalease to sound intelligent? Or just don't have an effing jeff of a clue what you're actually saying?

DancingPenguin1 · 09/05/2016 21:59

I've done the course and I was on call. I still wasn't allowed my phone on and had to leave the venue number with work so they could contact me there if required. They will not mark you as attended if you use your phone. They were VERY clear about it repeatedly at the start. You said yourself you'd already been told not to use it. Rude I'm afraid, the rules apply to you too.

fassbendersmistress · 09/05/2016 21:59

Rude to the course staff and disruptive to the other attendees. Just plain rude. You need to grow up a bit OP and take responsibility. And slow the fuck down.

Am I the only person who loves an opportunity to switch off or ignore my phone for hours on end???? (And yes, I have small DC)

EssexMummy1234 · 09/05/2016 22:13

I'd guess it was the R tunnel rather than the LL tunnel - the LL tunnel is quite narrow, twisty turny and it would be hard to be doing 37mph in there.

OP I am surprised that you didn't know the speed limit in the tunnel - the signs on all the tunnels are huge as are the cameras.

On the other hand i have lost concentration whilst driving when pregnant and had a couple of dings one of which just might have actually been my fault, maybe and it is hard to admit that you might possibly be in the wrong :-)

wasonthelist · 09/05/2016 22:14

OP - YABU end of.

MarthaCliffYouCunt · 09/05/2016 22:16

Am I the only person who loves an opportunity to switch off or ignore my phone for hours on end????

No! I love it too.