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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed that boyfriend was critical that I didn't have a "Le Creuset" pot for cooking?

144 replies

scrabbletile · 08/05/2016 15:35

Okay, so I bit pissed off at the moment, newish boyfriend stayed at mine for a week last week as we were both off work at the same time. We have only stayed at each other's places couple of nights before with no issues, getting on well, however this past week he has been moany and weird about random stuff which to me are irrelevances i.e.

As the title said, moaned that I didn't have a le creuset type pot when he wanted to make a casserole, apparently the thing I use in the oven "isn't suitable"? wtf?

Moaned about the electric shower I have - okay it is pretty shit, but you know it works, yes I would love a brand new bathroom but I don't see anyone offering to pay for it.

Went over board on helping with cleaning, I'm a tidyish person, but couple of mornings got up early to make breakfast (which was nice) but then went on marathon "how clean is your house" style sessions in a kitchen which no way needed it.

Gave me a lecture about how my heating was set up "incorrectly" and would waste money.

Any views? I'm note sure now if he is just mad/rude or has to stupid idea that he is "helping" or something. I don't know it was going well this relationship but now seems a bit soured. I bit my tongue a bit in the week, other than saying no need to clean like mad, come and relax etc.

Should I be pissed off or should I be rushing out to buy "volcano orange" cast iron cook ware NOW/

OP posts:

TheUnsullied · 08/05/2016 20:25

No worries Imperial, I do it a lot when sleep deprived

ijustwannadance · 08/05/2016 20:38

He is a massive nobhead control freak.

I would get rid now rather than receive expensive cookware for every birthday/xmas from now on.

Wagglebees · 08/05/2016 20:44

I think it's fairly unanimous OP. Have you told him yet?

DoreenLethal · 08/05/2016 20:48

Regardless of what he is trying to do - never ever stay in a relationship where you don't get along well the first time you co-habit.

Original poster

scrabbletile · 08/05/2016 23:21

Evening everyone - thanks for all the replies and interest - I see I am now one of the "discussions of the day" and I certainly know more about iron cook pots!

Yes, I think it is "over" - I haven't said yet as still mulling it over a bit, but I think the last post about getting on well first time you co-habit (if only for a few days) is a damn good point.

The heating/water thing was more said in a lecturing "what are you doing" way rather than anything else (something about me having hot water cylinder on for to long ffs - is it really anyone's business - its not their bill!)

Feel a bit sad, but maybe we are just not suited, I don't need a constant person who always is saying they are "helping" - maybe it is some form on control. I don't know.

OP posts:

BillSykesDog · 08/05/2016 23:25

I wouldn't let him stir my bleedin' casserole. Le crueset pot or no.

GarlicShake · 08/05/2016 23:30

I've just remembered this chap I dated while I was writing professionally. I also had some fiction on the go, which he was very keen to read. Eventually I gave it to him and met up with him, all open-minded, to hear his views.

He spent ninety minutes pulling my grammar apart.

Not only was he downright wrong about the grammar, but that hour and a half told me everything I needed to know about the kind of relationship he thought we had!

You can find moaning nit-pickers to give you unasked-for criticism any time you like. You don't need one at home or in your bed.

corythatwas · 08/05/2016 23:34

BackforGood Sun 08-May-16 16:49:11

"A lot of posters on MN are never willing to try to work things out. "

Why do you need to "work things out" when you are still at the early stage of dating? The OP does describe him as her dp but as a newish boyfriend. Isn't this when you should be looking at each other and deciding if this relationship does have any longterm potential. Or should everybody just settle down for life with the first man who ever shows them any interest?

Chchchchangeabout · 08/05/2016 23:36

Agree, RUN

Chchchchangeabout · 08/05/2016 23:37

As someone who has spent plenty of time working things out with partner of several decades, my firm advice is still RUN.

AgingJuvenileBinkyHuckaback · 08/05/2016 23:40

Can I just point out in his defence that the OP (and presumably hence the BF) didn't say "Le Creuset" she said "Le Creuset type" so presumably Sainsbury's perfectly good cast iron pans at a quarter of the price would be acceptable. He's not saying she should shell out on something that costs a hundred pounds a pop, just something that will go from hob to oven and retain heat.

I think I'm defending him because I'd be unable to resist the temptation to moan a little bit about living with a crap shower for a week too. I know it's rude, but I'm only human. I used to moan incessantly about DH's flat when we were courting: he didn't take it personally, he knew it was a dump.

Plus, he cleans kitchens really well .

PerryHatter · 08/05/2016 23:46

Get him a fake Le Crueset for his birthday and scratch 'Le Pooset' in it.

He's a bit too critical for so early on.

derxa · 09/05/2016 06:59

OH FFS. You just don't fancy him.

AgingJuvenileBinkyHuckaback · 09/05/2016 07:54

Yes I think derxa has nailed it.

If I go round to my parents' or sisters' houses and help them cook I would absolutely say "OMG how can you cook with that knife it's so blunt?!" or "this dish would be so much easier and nicer if you had a Le Creuset-type casserole to cook it in" (nicer because some of the lovely gooey bits get lost when you transfer from saucepan to casserole dish). And they'd be fine with that and would say the same to me if they were cooking at my house. It's fine because we are starting from a solid base of intimacy and trust that means that an insult to our practical cooking equipment could not possibly be taken as a veiled attack on ourselves. I wouldn't dream of saying something similar to my aunt, or a school run mate because our relationship isn't on that level.

I think the problem is not the things he's saying but the fact that they're winding you up. My guess is that you're just on completely different pages regarding your relationship status and it's probably incurable. Sad in a way but not anyone's fault.

Of course he could just be an arse....

Workinzzz · 09/05/2016 08:11

sounds dull, ditch him

Snowey101 · 09/05/2016 08:14

Oh my god! He sounds so much like my dickhead ex it's scary! His name doesn't begin with J does it?!

LindyHemming · 09/05/2016 08:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StrangeLookingParasite · 09/05/2016 08:20

There are quite a few people out there that think criticism left right and centre is how you demonstrate both your intelligence, and that you're a person of discernment (I have a streak of this myself, but am working on squashing it, because it's fucking irritating). My ex-husband was one, my FIL is another. It's relentlessly negative.

KittyKrap · 09/05/2016 08:30

I've got one of those sainsburys knock off pans. Started cooking in it and went to put it in the oven - couldn't lift the fucker!
I blame my ladylike bird wrists..the rest of me is built like a Russian shot putter mind.

Only1scoop · 09/05/2016 08:33

Had the same with cast Sainsbury's Le Crusoe etc....

With the leg of lamb in it actually became impossible to shift ....

Good old Sainsbo's

Oldraver · 09/05/2016 09:58

Are the Sainsburys ones heavier then ? not likely to find out as Le Creuset way too pricey for me

DustOffYourHighestHopes · 09/05/2016 10:02

He was doing the metaphorical pissing in all the corners to claim his space and assert himself. I wouldn't care for that kind of attitude in my house. I would go right off someone who did this.

This.

PoundingTheStreets · 09/05/2016 10:06

Personally, that would be enough for me to end it. However, if you're not ready for that, just don't let him come to yours anymore. And next time he suggests it, say sweetly: "Oh I don't think that's a good idea. You're obviously very uncomfortable at mine." And then add, much more firmly, "But I rather like it and won't be changing it any time soon."

shovetheholly · 09/05/2016 10:16

OK, he clearly needs to relax because lecturing you about central heating isn't exactly romantic, is it? But I wonder if he's perhaps trying to show you how 'good' he is around the home. Like a not-so-subtle kind of advertising that he's not the kind of bloke who leaves his pants on the floor, wees on the loo seat, and never does the washing up.

I used to find that suggesting, sweetly and innocently, that they buy me the thing that is missing from the kitchen works a treat. 'Oh, you can't make a casserole because I don't have the right pot? Maybe you should buy me one?' This has now reverted, with DH, to 'Oh dear, I washed a tissue that you left in your jeans pocket? Maybe you would like to do the washing in future to stop such silly mistakes happening'.

foodiefil · 09/05/2016 11:23

He doesn't like you very much, tell him to get lost. All these things were clearly annoying him.

He's a div, you're better off without him.

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