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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed that boyfriend was critical that I didn't have a "Le Creuset" pot for cooking?

144 replies

scrabbletile · 08/05/2016 15:35

Okay, so I bit pissed off at the moment, newish boyfriend stayed at mine for a week last week as we were both off work at the same time. We have only stayed at each other's places couple of nights before with no issues, getting on well, however this past week he has been moany and weird about random stuff which to me are irrelevances i.e.

As the title said, moaned that I didn't have a le creuset type pot when he wanted to make a casserole, apparently the thing I use in the oven "isn't suitable"? wtf?

Moaned about the electric shower I have - okay it is pretty shit, but you know it works, yes I would love a brand new bathroom but I don't see anyone offering to pay for it.

Went over board on helping with cleaning, I'm a tidyish person, but couple of mornings got up early to make breakfast (which was nice) but then went on marathon "how clean is your house" style sessions in a kitchen which no way needed it.

Gave me a lecture about how my heating was set up "incorrectly" and would waste money.

Any views? I'm note sure now if he is just mad/rude or has to stupid idea that he is "helping" or something. I don't know it was going well this relationship but now seems a bit soured. I bit my tongue a bit in the week, other than saying no need to clean like mad, come and relax etc.

Should I be pissed off or should I be rushing out to buy "volcano orange" cast iron cook ware NOW/

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 08/05/2016 17:22

BackForGood, I don't think he was cleaning the kitchen as a favour to her, do you? I think it sounded insulting, as though he couldn't stand it the way it was.

PalmerViolet · 08/05/2016 17:24

He sounds like a controlling twat.

If god forbid you end up marrying this martinet, is he going to be white gloving the door tops to ensure you've met his exacting standards?

Bin him.

blinkowl · 08/05/2016 17:29

BackforGood you've obviously never dated someone like this. The OP can save herself a huge waste of time, heartache, and potential damage to her self-esteem by running for the hills.

scrabbletile someone decent might notice you had no "suitable" pot and adapt what they were going to make to the tools available or make do with what was there without complaining. They might also think -"ooh, that's a nice present I can get in the future" if they can see you actually like cooking and would appreciate it, but can't afford it / are simply unaware of how great (in their eyes) they are.

A tosser / someone self-absorbed complains about it.

If it was just a one-off then maybe it could just be nerves or a random stupid thing said. But this guy likes complaining and apportioning blame. He wants you to change for him. Your stuff isn't good enough. Soon enough your behaviour / likes won;t be good enough either. Your house certainly isn't clean enough for him.

He should be trying to make you feel good, especially at this stage, not undermining you.

Definitely get rid I reckon!

Backpfeifengesicht · 08/05/2016 17:55

Oh dear, run. Le Creuset has become the Hunter Wellies of cookware btw which just makes him a poser. If he was a real cook he would have been complaining that you didn't have Staub cast iron cookware - what real cooks use ;)

ghostoftheMNchicken · 08/05/2016 18:01

Maybe I do stuff wrong, but in all my years of cooking, this has never been an issue at all.

I'm not saying it's not incredibly petty and minor and easy to work around (because it is ALL of those things), but being able to start a casserole off on the hob (browning meat, sweating the veg) without having to change the pot is very useful. Less washing up for one thing, and it means that i have a more versatile pot rather than several different pots that all do different things. It's not an issue really, but it makes things easier.

Mainly I was trying to figure out what was bothering him about the pan, and the hob/oven issue is the only reason I can see (was still being a total wanker about it though).

If the casserole does work on the hob as well, then fuck only knows what his problem is.

Scarydinosaurs · 08/05/2016 18:05

He was doing the metaphorical pissing in all the corners to claim his space and assert himself. I wouldn't care for that kind of attitude in my house. I would go right off someone who did this.

BlueJug · 08/05/2016 18:06

Love LC - have several pots.

You are not compatible - pity if it seemed as if it was going to go somewhere.

LindyHemming · 08/05/2016 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wagglebees · 08/05/2016 18:29

Haha, hell no! Put Mumsnet down and give him a call right now to say it's not working and you're calling it a day. Goodbye.

Imagine making a new friend and the first time she comes over to your house she says your shower is shit, goes in your cupboards and moans about your lack of designer cookware, whinges about your heating system and scrubs your kitchen down. You'd show her the door and never see her again. That's someone you'd have over for coffee and go on a night out with.

So definitely don't carry on having sex and potentially sharing your entire life with someone that does all that. This early on too. Imagine living with that day in day out.

Thank fuck you noticed now and delete his number.

ghostoftheMNchicken · 08/05/2016 18:44

If the casserole does work on the hob as well, then fuck only knows what his problem is.

Actually fuck knows what his problem is even if it doesn't work on the hob.

Backpfeifengesicht · 08/05/2016 18:46

Oh and the excessive kitchen cleaning would be the biggest red flag for me LOL! I know people like this who have to do a full kitchen clean everytime they get a glass of water. I am definitely incompatible with obsessively neat and tidy types. I'm actually very clean and tidy myself but I also don't think it's the end of the world to leave dishes overnight after a party for example. If he is like this then I'd think very carefully about how long you want to be with someone who will never think your kitchen is clean enough or think it's acceptable to sit for a few minutes after a meal before cleaning everything....

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/05/2016 19:00

Unfortunate as it is to bin a man who cooks, cleans and washes himself, I'm afraid I have to agree. It's not the preferring Le Creuset although he's wrong, I have a Staub it's the moaning. I couldn't bear it.

Oysterbabe · 08/05/2016 19:08

LTB.
At this early stage he should still be thinking you shit rainbows not whinging about stuff.

Aquiver · 08/05/2016 19:16

Seriously, he sounds like a total and utter weirdo knobjockey Confused I would be mortified if any boyfriend (or anyone!) talked to me like that.

TheUnsullied · 08/05/2016 19:34

It sounds like he's had a rather large self awareness fail to me. We do all have them. Have you spoken to him at all about it? I wouldn't LTB at the very first sign of this type of behaviour but I would if I began to see a trend for it.

TheUnsullied · 08/05/2016 19:36

And honestly, if I got rid after the first instance, for weeks after I'd be thinking to myself "did I really just end a relationship with a bloke I really liked because he criticised my choice of casserole dish?" Grin

ImperialBlether · 08/05/2016 19:51

TheUnsullied, he stayed at her house for a week and showed a different side to his personality. That is what's bothering the OP, not that he wanted to use a Le Creuset casserole.

TheUnsullied · 08/05/2016 19:54

My last comment was tongue in cheek Imperial...see the big grin? I have grasped the situation.

ImperialBlether · 08/05/2016 20:01

Sorry! Reading it on my phone and didn't notice it. Grin

Whatamuckingfuddle · 08/05/2016 20:07

Seems early on to be so critical? I'd get rid but your call I suppose

Ifiwasabadger · 08/05/2016 20:15

He sounds like a freak, but do not dump him until he has deep cleaned your shag pile.

toldmywrath · 08/05/2016 20:18

TheWernethWife Is he related to Mr Titchener by any chance? OP has he asked you whether you make custard from scratch? If so-ditch!

Guiltypleasures001 · 08/05/2016 20:20

But was he any good in bed? Grin

Wagglebees · 08/05/2016 20:21

I guess you could always get him to buy you a full set of cookware and have a wet room installed before you dump him. Then sell the Creuset on eBay.

I'm joking obviously. A power shower would do.

nightpiano · 08/05/2016 20:24

He is warning you now that he wants to control you. Please run away very fast.