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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to not have immediately congratulated best friend on engagement?

33 replies

GreenBaizePacker · 07/05/2016 19:18

Best friend was in Paris with relatively new boyfriend - 6 months. Got a text from her saying "[BF] proposed under the Eiffel Tower". No exclamation mark or smiley face or anything. I replied "Was it a yes?" because I had no idea they were even at that stage and wanted to be supportive in case it was a no, but equally prepared to be happy and congratulatory if it was a yes. She replied that of course it was a yes and then had a big rant that there's no such thing as too quick when you're in love. She's back now and she is FURIOUS with me that I questioned her. Obviously I was very apologetic and congratulated her when I found out. New boyfriend, well, fiancé now, is lovely btw so I don't have anything against him.

OP posts:
Coldtoeswarmheart · 07/05/2016 19:19

YANBU. Her text was ambiguous.

LillyBugg · 07/05/2016 19:19

She sounds a bit insecure. You didn't even mention that you thought it might be too soon and she said it first. I think your reply was fair enough.

OiWithThePoodlesAlready · 07/05/2016 19:19

You've done nothing wrong. She sounds defensive.

FutureGadgetsLab · 07/05/2016 19:20

I think her reaction was over the top but unless you had reason to believe she'd say no, it was a daft thing to ask.

Lemonade1 · 07/05/2016 19:21

Why not act like the adults you are. Pick up the phone, laugh and say 'oops crossed wires, I'm delighted I wasn't criticising, I genuinely wasn't sure you'd said yes but hoped you had!' Have a nice conversation. Get on with your lives.

HaveNoTimeToThinkOfName · 07/05/2016 19:30

As Lemonade1said

Kelsoooo · 07/05/2016 19:33

I'd have responded the same way as you .

But then, unless I know a couple were actively TTC when I'm told she's pregnant I usually respond with "and how do you feel? Is this happy news?"

Because a few times I've been told and the girl in question wanted support for a termination. So I assume nothing unless definitively told about these things

BirthdayBetty · 07/05/2016 19:34

Sounds like a bridezilla in the making Grin

FruStefanOla · 07/05/2016 19:51

I think, had I been in your shoes, I would have replied with a simple 'congratulations'. I say this from bitter experience, so I understand your initial caution.

I, similarly, cocked-up with a friend many years ago. Her DP was an absolute twunt (although she hadn't realised at the time). She sent me a text one afternoon saying "go and buy a hat" (that was all it said). I was at work, mega busy and had no idea what she was going on about - so quickly replied "what for?"

Her reply - "TwuntFace has just proposed to me - we're now engaged". At least I had a couple of hours to compose myself before I met her for a drink that evening.

Damselindestress · 07/05/2016 19:57

YANBU. It can be hard to tell tone by text. You didn't say anything about it being too soon, sounds like she has her own doubts and is projecting them on to you. Just tell her it was a misunderstanding and you are happy for her. If that's not enough for her, I would give her a bit of time and space to calm down rather than being dragged into her drama.

specialsubject · 07/05/2016 19:59

wow, a whole new meaning to oversensitive there. Seems a perfectly reasonable thing to ask.

She clearly doesn't place much value on the friendship if she threw a diva-strop like that at you.

I'd steer clear of the wedding if it gets that far.

Becky546 · 07/05/2016 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 07/05/2016 20:11

Sounds as if she feels like it's too soon to me. YANBU.

x2boys · 07/05/2016 22:02

Don't worry about it dh proposed after 2 months we got married after 6 months lots of people dissaproved thought it was too soon etc and I can understand why however 11 years and two children later we have proved them all wrong but I agree it was very suddenGrin

RiverTam · 07/05/2016 22:10

She sounds as though she thinks it's too soon herself and is getting defensive. Can you ask her if anything's up?

x2boys · 07/05/2016 22:12

She might just be defensive though because it's quite quick and she feels people are judging her though which obviously people do but quick engagements and marriages can work our as mine has?

ollieplimsoles · 07/05/2016 22:41

Me and dh got engaged after 6 months together, but we kept it to ourselves as we knew his mother people would say its too soon.

Been together 8 years so it can work!

But I agree her text was ambiguous and you should both just laugh it off!

lottielou7 · 07/05/2016 22:43

Why on earth would she be angry? I agree her text was unclear. What a diva she is!

VoldysGoneMouldy · 07/05/2016 22:55

OP please promise not to namechange, because I think you'll have some amazing posts to share once she starts planning her wedding.

MidniteScribbler · 08/05/2016 09:50

Under the Eiffel Tower? Cheapskate. He could at least have bought a ticket to the top.

ChicRock · 08/05/2016 09:54

This won't be the last thread you post about your best friend and her engagement/wedding. Grin Do you think she'll ask you to be bridesmaid? This has real potential for some great threads over the summer!

JenniferYellowShat · 08/05/2016 11:09

She is far too defensive for someone who just happily got engaged.....

MissBattleaxe · 08/05/2016 11:15

But her text only said that he'd proposed. It didn't say she'd agreed. Why the hell is she angry about your normal response to such a bland statement?

Libitina · 08/05/2016 11:21

DH and I got engaged after 6 weeks, married after 18 months and have been married almost 24 years now. So it can work.

Just go see her with a bottle of wine or some flowers and say congratulations in person.

TutanKaDashian · 08/05/2016 11:35

This is why text messages are so easily misunderstood. Had I said that to my sister when she yelled 'xx proposed' she would have immediately known I was joking. Silly friend.

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