Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Unflip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Unflip

1 2

AIBU?

...to not have immediately congratulated best friend on engagement?

33 replies

GreenBaizePacker · 07/05/2016 19:18

Best friend was in Paris with relatively new boyfriend - 6 months. Got a text from her saying "[BF] proposed under the Eiffel Tower". No exclamation mark or smiley face or anything. I replied "Was it a yes?" because I had no idea they were even at that stage and wanted to be supportive in case it was a no, but equally prepared to be happy and congratulatory if it was a yes. She replied that of course it was a yes and then had a big rant that there's no such thing as too quick when you're in love. She's back now and she is FURIOUS with me that I questioned her. Obviously I was very apologetic and congratulated her when I found out. New boyfriend, well, fiancé now, is lovely btw so I don't have anything against him.

OP posts:

Report

SilverBirchWithout · 09/05/2016 00:55

I would have replied with something positive and non-committal like "Wow. How romantic!" And left it for her to confirm. I imagine it could seem a bit judgy to say "and did you accept?." if you are a bit sensitive.

GreenBaizePacker · 09/05/2016 00:48

I had a pretty quick metmarriage soon so am absolutely but judging that aspect of things.

Unsure whether I'll be BM. She's another close friend from a different group as well as 3 sisters. I'm sure other threads will be forthcoming.

OP posts:

daisychain01 · 08/05/2016 15:07

What is it these days that people feel they have to be so much the the centre of attention that everyone in their friendship group should get the fireworks out just because they're engaged, getting married, having a baby etc.

High maintenance or what!

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/05/2016 15:01

The lady doth protest too much.

"She replied that of course it was a yes and then had a big rant that there's no such thing as too quick when you're in love."
Except of course that she's never mentioned to her best friend that she is in love. Which I think would come up in normal best friend behaviour.

She got swept away in the moment, and your question was realistic.

I'll give it a year.

suspiciousofgoldfish · 08/05/2016 14:38

I am really looking forward to your next thread about her hen do OP.

Massive overreaction. She sounds exhausting.

larry5 · 08/05/2016 14:05

Dh and I got engaged three months after we started going out together although I had known him for longer and then we married after another 14 months. We have been married for 44 years.

Dd got engaged after nearly 4 years together but it was that long as she had told her fiance that he didn't want to get engaged until she had finished uni so she got engaged on her 21st birthday 3 days before the graduation ceremony.

Janecc · 08/05/2016 13:34

She sounds very defensive. It's not about you. You did nothing wrong. Agree with Lemonade

Tiopyn · 08/05/2016 12:50

YANBU - I'd have asked the same. You could have immediately congratulated her and got back "erm actually, I'm not sure yet/I turned him down".
Explain that you intended to congratulate her once you knew it was a yes, and havent't made any judgements. If she is sill upset just give her some space til she calms down.

TutanKaDashian · 08/05/2016 11:35

This is why text messages are so easily misunderstood. Had I said that to my sister when she yelled 'xx proposed' she would have immediately known I was joking. Silly friend.

Libitina · 08/05/2016 11:21

DH and I got engaged after 6 weeks, married after 18 months and have been married almost 24 years now. So it can work.

Just go see her with a bottle of wine or some flowers and say congratulations in person.

MissBattleaxe · 08/05/2016 11:15

But her text only said that he'd proposed. It didn't say she'd agreed. Why the hell is she angry about your normal response to such a bland statement?

JenniferYellowShat · 08/05/2016 11:09

She is far too defensive for someone who just happily got engaged.....

ChicRock · 08/05/2016 09:54

This won't be the last thread you post about your best friend and her engagement/wedding. Do you think she'll ask you to be bridesmaid? This has real potential for some great threads over the summer!

MidniteScribbler · 08/05/2016 09:50

Under the Eiffel Tower? Cheapskate. He could at least have bought a ticket to the top.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 07/05/2016 22:55

OP please promise not to namechange, because I think you'll have some amazing posts to share once she starts planning her wedding.

lottielou7 · 07/05/2016 22:43

Why on earth would she be angry? I agree her text was unclear. What a diva she is!

ollieplimsoles · 07/05/2016 22:41

Me and dh got engaged after 6 months together, but we kept it to ourselves as we knew his mother people would say its too soon.

Been together 8 years so it can work!

But I agree her text was ambiguous and you should both just laugh it off!

x2boys · 07/05/2016 22:12

She might just be defensive though because it's quite quick and she feels people are judging her though which obviously people do but quick engagements and marriages can work our as mine has?

RiverTam · 07/05/2016 22:10

She sounds as though she thinks it's too soon herself and is getting defensive. Can you ask her if anything's up?

x2boys · 07/05/2016 22:02

Don't worry about it dh proposed after 2 months we got married after 6 months lots of people dissaproved thought it was too soon etc and I can understand why however 11 years and two children later we have proved them all wrong but I agree it was very sudden

Champagneformyrealfriends · 07/05/2016 20:11

Sounds as if she feels like it's too soon to me. YANBU.

Becky546 · 07/05/2016 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

specialsubject · 07/05/2016 19:59

wow, a whole new meaning to oversensitive there. Seems a perfectly reasonable thing to ask.

She clearly doesn't place much value on the friendship if she threw a diva-strop like that at you.

I'd steer clear of the wedding if it gets that far.

Damselindestress · 07/05/2016 19:57

YANBU. It can be hard to tell tone by text. You didn't say anything about it being too soon, sounds like she has her own doubts and is projecting them on to you. Just tell her it was a misunderstanding and you are happy for her. If that's not enough for her, I would give her a bit of time and space to calm down rather than being dragged into her drama.

FruStefanOla · 07/05/2016 19:51

I think, had I been in your shoes, I would have replied with a simple 'congratulations'. I say this from bitter experience, so I understand your initial caution.

I, similarly, cocked-up with a friend many years ago. Her DP was an absolute twunt (although she hadn't realised at the time). She sent me a text one afternoon saying "go and buy a hat" (that was all it said). I was at work, mega busy and had no idea what she was going on about - so quickly replied "what for?"

Her reply - "TwuntFace has just proposed to me - we're now engaged". At least I had a couple of hours to compose myself before I met her for a drink that evening.

Unflip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.