To expect Mum to pay up after 4YO child scratched every panel on our car

[LupoLoopy]

Context: My wife works at a nursery school as an assistant.. Her car was parked in the staff car park, which the kids egress though when they leave, under parental supervision.

During lunch time pick-up, one of the departing 4 year old's took a rock and scratched every panel and light fixture on her car, all whilst his Mum was standing within 6M of the car, chatting to a friend.

The incident was captured on CCTV.

The cost of a proper repair is so close to the value of the car, I fear it being written off, which is something we could afford but would hurt us a lot financially.

Although the damage is only cosmetic, the car was pristine before the incident (I'm a fussy sod who takes good care of his stuff) and I don't see why we should tolerate driving a 'shed' around 'for the children'.

We're trying to seek restitution from the School's insurance (if it will cover it) but to cover our butts, we've reported the incident to the police (so and official record exists) and reported it to our insurer.

If we have to use our car insurance AND we're fortunate enough to not have the car written off, it's going to tank my partners insurance premiums.

Frankly, I want to encourage the police to be fully involved and start proceedings immediately for civil action via the small claims court. I just dont think I can have confidence that Mum is going to be wired in the same way I am - i.e. it's her liability and don't see why we should be financially crippled by her parental inattention.

AIBU?

I too think you're milking this.

And the comments about wanting your wife to give up her job has me wondering if we'll be seeing her over on Relationships sometime soon.

Well, as I posted, I successfully pursued someone for a debt and I received all my money plus costs.
I had to accept payments over 3 years, but well worth a bit of effort for a few thou, unless they are totally skint.

@BlueFolly I hope not :)

To be clear, I dont want her to give up her job. My position is that she should consider investigating moving and that cost of employment should be part of her analyis (it would be in mine). There are some lovely nursery schools near us (by her own assessment) that are forest schools, something she's wanted to move into for a while and I don't understand what's stopping her?

The only reason I'm bringing that OT stuff up at all is because I've been labelled a nasty man on the basis of about three sentences in a heated stream of consciousnesses monologue. Now, I'm worried there might be bone of truth in that, in as much that I may be putting undue/unfair pressure on DW to look around. Therefore, if I want useful feedback I'll give a fuller expose and see if anything useful comes back in.

If my being worried about my conduct makes me a dick, then feel free to tear strips off me if it makes you feel better. I'm sure all the wife abusing SOBs you see in the klink are soliciting feedback on Mumsnet. I'm quite literally asking for (hopefully useful) feedback in good faith :)

I can't be bothered to read the whole thread. But if the woman has home insurance it may cover it.

Ive had an older child intentionally key my car.

The parents household insurance paid out exactly what my car insurance company would have done (not the full cost of repairs just the book price of the car).

The mums ability to pay is quite possibly the most inportant factor. As in reality if she can't afford it and she does not have insurance what you may potentially end up with is the write off value of your car amount in a CCJ that costs you money to obtain and money to attempt to enforce that results in precisely no money coming your way.

Reasonable for a DW or DH to question a job that brings in very little net for the work & commute - provided of course they aren't including childcare in the costs.
The OP should make it clear that he fully supports his DW in her career and that she should continue at the nursery until she has a firm job offer elsewhere.

I get where your coming from op re: your wife's work. I also commute a fair distance to work and car running costs (petrol, maintenance and depreciation etc) do factor into my sums.

Back to the original question I think yanbu I would expect the mother to pay as it was her negligence that led to her child causing damage to your car.

Hi @BigChocFrenzy. I think I made that clear later on. It was probably lost in my terse analyst language early on. Thanks for chiming in that, in principal, it's not a totally reprehensible discussion, as long as I'm not being bullying or hectoring about it (obviously)

She can continue there as long as she wants, as stated multiple times before. I dont initiate conversations of leaving, I merely contribute when she does, frankly.

With respect, I wont respond to any more criticism on my character re:financial planning unless it's useful or particularly resonates. I don't want to dilute the thread as a reference too for others. Feel free to pitch in, as I asked for feedback and I cant stop you ;) , but you nor I get anything out of me responding to 'you're a tit'

I park on a quiet road to go to work - old man drove into the back of my parked car (luckily he left details).
Dh parks in a car park at work specifically for his office. Twice in 6 months people hit dh's car (one was witnessed so she paid, other one drove off so we were left with the bill).
What I'm saying is, it doesn't matter where you work or park.

I would be livid if this had happened to my car! I think the mum should definitely pay, whether she has to legally or not I have no idea.

It cost our neighbour £250.00 to repair a small dent and scratch on the front panel of our car when they accidentally reversed into it so I can believe a whole car would add up to £1000.00

Of course the parent should pay up. But why is the nursery exit via a car park? Surely that's a health and safety risk?!

@m0therofdragons (cool handle by the way)

Yeah - good point. Need to remember this could have happened anywhere - reduces the relevance as a data point if you look at it like that.

Probably accidents are less likely in a less tight car park, where the kids dont have to go near the cars I suspect. That said, I'd be a bloody liar if I said 'parking' ever came the top on my list when it came to job offers :)

@Lupoloopy, you might not have come across well in some posts (can't see why, myself) but it all seems perfectly sensible to me. If your wife works in an area where the car will be damaged often, it makes sense to consider a move if possible. If you were living in the best house in the world in a shit area, you'd think about moving, same thing is true of work.

It seems you dudes (see what I did there 😆) have a partnership, where discussions are around what you both can do to make things work. Our marriage works in the same way. I'd expect my husband to raise concerns like this and for us to explore options if my job was a problem. Just as he'd expect me to do it for him. I moved jobs recently and every single aspect of all the things it would affect were discussed, and in the end it was left to me to decide. Same was the case when he was deciding whether to take voluntary redundancy a few years back and no doubt will be when he decides to leave the job he has at the moment. It would be as wrong for me to just make executive decisions about my own job, as it would be for him to make demands of me.

OP, I pay far more heed to the fact that you frequently and openly discuss finances with your wife than that you think she should maybe start looking for jobs closer to home. I do not expect to see her posting in relationships any time soon!

I think this mother should pay, offer to pay and be properly mortified by her neglect of her child, which lead to this happening.

She either did not know what he was doing, in which case he could have slipped out of the car park unnoticed and got into the road, or she didn't care!

Parking my first consideration in job offers 😂

@Originalfoogirl - I hang out on guy-heavy forums more than I do Mumsnet. Sorry dudettes. (Is that a thing?) Clearly I'm all the poorer for it as this thread has been super! Lots of views and passionate people. I don't get that in my other groups :)

A child has seriously damaged OP's property. The mother should bloody pay for the damage

Does the child have a father?

The PARENTS may have insurance which will cover the damage. Assuming it covers damages caused by 4 year olds. In other countries it's a legal requirement to have insurance to cover this sort of thing. In the UK you'd have to look to your home insurance to see if it covers it.

However, I am sure it's not that difficult to get the damage repaired economically. It may well be that a mobile bodyworks specialist can do it for a much smaller sum than a garage would charge. I scratched my car badly last year and someone came to the house and charged £200. I don't doubt it would have been close to £1K if I'd had it done at a garage via the insurance. However, I won't be selling my car onto anyone, it's 7 years old and I will drive it until it starts costing me serious money.

Insurance is for when there is no civil liability for the damage by whoever caused it, or their guardians

Not true. Why else would you have 3rd party car insurance? To cover damage you cause to other cars while driving. That's a civil liability.

@LupoLoopy - dudette is very much a thing. I've heard it often. But maybe Dudey McDudeface is more acceptable at the moment.

Well I must be reading s different thread to some other posters here as OP I think you've come across as nothing but lovely and reasonable in all aspects of the way you've discussed your wife and your mutual conversations about her work situation.

My husband and I also discuss the affordability of jobs that either of us take on (him being self employed and me not)- it's kind of just what you do in a mutually respectful relationship.

With regards the original issue I think YANU OP- there had to be a level of responsibility here, the Mum's responsibility for her child, I think you are handling things in the right manner.

The mum may have thought her child was driving toy cars along the vehicle. Still not an acceptable activity, really, but she may not have known he had a rock.

Child has a father who lives with the mother.

Speculation on the damage: I'll post on Monday. I think some people are understandably naive, especially when it comes to resale value on smart repaired vehicles (full car smart repair? you'd spot it a mile off). I'm probably being too pessimistic, it being my disposition.

I'm sorry I'm unwilling to post pictures, so you cannot see for yourself, but I do not want to whack to much identifiable stuff in the public domain in case this does go Pete Tong.

Also, I dont want my wife to 'get in trouble' (not sure how, but posting pictures on seems to be a vehicle to that)

The advice on home insurance seems bonza and I'll ask DW to bring it up at the meeting as it may give the parents a way out without losing too many feathers.

@44PumpLane - on earlier pages I think I was quite terse in the way I outlined the feelings this scenario was evoking and the metaphors used. I can understand how I may have come across, hence me opening up (overly so) about it.

If I'm going to be hung, might as well be for a paragraph or five, as opposed to a sentence.

The mother should be responsible for cost of repairs regardless whether or she has insurance to cover the damage.

OP should not be out of pocket because she wasn't supervising her child adequately. If she doesn't have insurance, I'd be taking her to small claims court followed by getting a high court rit if she didn't cough up.

If it turns out this after a sheriff visit she cannot pay, then there's nothing else that be done. I'd want to explore all avenues to ensure she pays.