To expect Mum to pay up after 4YO child scratched every panel on our car

[LupoLoopy]

Context: My wife works at a nursery school as an assistant.. Her car was parked in the staff car park, which the kids egress though when they leave, under parental supervision.

During lunch time pick-up, one of the departing 4 year old's took a rock and scratched every panel and light fixture on her car, all whilst his Mum was standing within 6M of the car, chatting to a friend.

The incident was captured on CCTV.

The cost of a proper repair is so close to the value of the car, I fear it being written off, which is something we could afford but would hurt us a lot financially.

Although the damage is only cosmetic, the car was pristine before the incident (I'm a fussy sod who takes good care of his stuff) and I don't see why we should tolerate driving a 'shed' around 'for the children'.

We're trying to seek restitution from the School's insurance (if it will cover it) but to cover our butts, we've reported the incident to the police (so and official record exists) and reported it to our insurer.

If we have to use our car insurance AND we're fortunate enough to not have the car written off, it's going to tank my partners insurance premiums.

Frankly, I want to encourage the police to be fully involved and start proceedings immediately for civil action via the small claims court. I just dont think I can have confidence that Mum is going to be wired in the same way I am - i.e. it's her liability and don't see why we should be financially crippled by her parental inattention.

AIBU?

[LupoLounger]

Hey :) no bother. I guessed as much, truthfully. It's a monster thread now. Thanks for circling back.

Fwiw, I regret some of my earlier language in that I allowed my angst in an emergent situation influence my choice of words. That's the risk in stream of consciousness typing I guess.

[kali110]

I don't think you are unreasonable at all, nor aggressive
Nothing wrong with your tone.
I would be going after the mom too, wouldn't be thinking about her finacial situation. Can't believe prople are saying you shouldn't have a nice car and that it's a risk you take working there! Really? You should expect a child to scratch your car?
I think you've remained really calm through this op.
I think sooty was right, things would have gone differently if you were a woman.
As for the mom telling people, if a mom told me this story i would not be thinking bad of you! ( i'd be thinking how her child managed to do all this damaged whilst she was watching him).
I hope things have gone well for you.

[HippyHippopotamus]

Lupolounger... Out of curiosity.. Why the name change?

[araiba]

Lupolounger... Out of curiosity.. Why the name change?

the lupo has been written off and he has taken the seats out of the car and is using them in his lounge as a 3 piece suite?

[mnaab]

Have you tried getting a quote from one of these scratch repair companies that come out to you? My MIL reversed her car in to a brick wall and had one of those companies repair it. Can't even tell that she did it now and the cost wasn't much at all

[Lucyccfc]

Lipo - with hindsight you should have got your wife to post and ask for advice. She would have been good been given lots of advice and tea and sympathy.

As a man on here, you are attacked, called names and told you are aggressive.

Welcome to the world of Mumsnet - the bitchiest place on the planet lol.

I would be doing exactly the same in your position, although, I would probably have been way more aggressive with regards the useless mother who thinks its ok to stand and gossip while her little darling trashes cars.

[mamof3boys]

My 9 year old son accidentally crashed his bike into a neighbours car. We were initially going to pay for the repair but the quote was quite high so we claimed on our home insurance under the public liability part, and they covered the cost as we admitted fault (on behalf of our son). A child can't legally be held accountable for the damage, but morally I felt it was my responsibilty to cover the cost of the repair. It was easy to do and it hasn't affected my insurance renewal.

[LupoLounger]

Had been out in the sun yesterday when I discovered the cute 'change your username ' feature so figured 'why not'. Might lighten the mood as it was getting somewhat dark in here :D

[JolieColombe]

Just to let you know Lupo, if you name change half way through a thread (as the OP), then only posts with your original name will be highlighted for others reading, so people skimming for responses might miss some of your replies.

Oh, and YANBU

[RiverTamFan]

I once accidentally reversed my people carrier into someone's back driver side door. Tow bar meet ancient Volvo.
We went to the Insurance initially and they wanted to write off the car which the other driver was really upset about because she loved the car. So we found a matching door in a salvage yard for £30 and got a body shop to fit it properly. She was chuffed! (Door we bought was less rusty than the rest of the car!)

TL;DR Once trashed one door on an ancient Volvo and Insurance declared it a write-off as, "not economically viable" so we sorted it out among ourselves.

[Blu]

I wonder whether the mother could claim under her home insurance, as Mumof3boys describes below.

[kali110]

Goodluck op, hope you get sonewhere!

[DeniseBee]

YANBU. I'd be mad as hell about this too.

[Lorraine46]

OMG!! I would be fuming....and to be honest, what kind of a 4 year old child does that?! My 2 children (although older than 4 now) would never and I mean never have dreamt of doing that. They were brought up properly and understood the need to respect other people's property.....I'm disgusted that nobody seems to think the child is responsible here!! Give em a bloody good hiding!

[BigChocFrenzy]

When a young lad scratched my car, his parents weren't present, but there were witnesses and the parents accepted immediately it was their responsibility. There are decent folk who do this without hassle - and have taken the trouble to get insurance.
Their home insurance paid in full for repairs at a main dealer.
Many policies would cover this, so always worth checking.
Btw, when parents renew home insurance, do check if this is available, or can be added v cheaply - can save a lot of stress.

When I had a civil debt after very careless property damage, I learned the bloke responsible had lost his job.
Many "experts" said I was cruel to pursue him and that I'd never get any money anyway:
My solicitor won my case for the full amount of the debt, plus costs.
The man paid 200 per month for about 3 years, so I received it all, no hassle. He didn't want to damage his credit record by failing to pay.

I only claim on my insurance when I judge the person responsible can't pay within a reasonable time, or when I don't know who is responsible. That is entirely for my own benefit:
If I claim, my premiums might go up; if I claim too often I might become uninsurable.

I don't just write off large sums, or risk being without insurance if I have a rash of unlucky accidents.
Having insurance isn't just a magic money pot, so I avoid dipping in when I can.

[SquirrelledAway]

So ... what did the repair quotes come in at?

[LupoLounger]

@BigChocFrenzy - Sounds like we're reasonably like minded. That was my initial train of thought. This thread has lead me to a (slightly) more nuanced view-point, but that was the initial principals I was working off, or theresabout.

@SquirrelledAway - Took the car in for examination by a spray-shop and an independent engineer yesterday afternoon (to make sure the spray shop was being grounded). Will seek another spray-shop quote this week. I don't want anyone to get screwed to the floor, nor do I wish to subsidize the coachwork industry.

The turn around on the finalized quotes is longer than I hoped, but I do have more 'accurate' estimates verbal estimates now, in that they are based on seeing the actual damage first hand.

Long story short though: It isn't going to be a 'smart repair' as the damage traverses too many panels for that to look right once done.

(look right == maintain value of the vehicle, just to be clear. I'm not looking to enter it into next year's Max Power show-down)

It also (obviously) far beyond a simple T-Cut job too. The (understandably) hopeful theories that it might be repairable cheaply are massively out.

Fortunately, my very worst fears are also starting to look less likely. I'll know once the quotes land.

Thinking as this matter is still in progress, with discussions on-going, it might serve all parties best if I park updates until the matter is resolved, one way or another.

I know that makes me a party-pooper, but I have to hope/assume they're reasonable people at this stage, despite my natural pessimistic nature. Putting a 'play by play' on here could make it harder for a decent person to do the 'right thing', whatever they think that is.

I've covered my bases so I'm happy I know what I need to do, in the (unlikely?) event they are unameniable to discussion/a fair resolution.

Thanks all - I will revive this Mega-Zombie once I can provide meaningful information to close it out: Win, Lose or Draw - although frankly, beyond the spray shops, there are no winners! I owe you that for the good advice.

Cheers ears!

[mammamic]

Totally NBU

I would insist that the parents pay - and I would not care how. One scratched panel is regrettable - being so engrossed and NOT watching your child for a whole car to be damaged is negligent.

Outrageous

[SquirrelledAway]

DH scratched "1, 2, 3, 4 ,5" on his dad's van when he was a toddler. His mum didn't know whether to belt him or be proud that he knew his numbers. His dad didn't find that so much of a quandary. Fortunately it was a T-Cut job (plus a lot of swearing).

[iMogster]

YANBU

I would be mad as hell if a parent had left their child for so long that they could scratch every panel of my car.
I hope you get a good result.

[FV45]

IIRC when my son threw an acorn and broke a staff member's car window we were told that an incident report would need to be filed with the police in order for the school to claim on their insurance. We didn't want that so my son paid (secondary school age).

[kinkytoes]

Your son broke a car window with an acorn?

[BadLad]

Lipo - with hindsight you should have got your wife to post and ask for advice. She would have been good been given lots of advice and tea and sympathy.

And especially so if you'd changed the detail of the four-year-old being with his Dad, not his Mum.

In fairness, though, those scrutinizing the OP's posts for dirt like rabid tabloid journalists are very much the minority.

[toastyarmadillo]

Any news lupo?

[sepa]

To be fair, I only got just under half way through the whole thread before skipping to the end to not find an outcome. But I think the OP has done amazingly not to bite back at some of the comments he has had on here.
Me and OH talk all our finances through as we do with job changes as it impacts us both.

Anyway, back to the point of the thread. When my brother was younger (not sure on ages but it was an age where you could play outside without supervision and we lived in a cul de sac) but him and some of his friends thought it would be great to use a car as a trampoline. All the parents paid up without fail (which I know is slightly different as the financial burden was split between a few parties). YANBU at all. Why should you have to lose out either financially or on a nice car because someone can't keep an eye on a child