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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect Mum to pay up after 4YO child scratched every panel on our car

569 replies

LupoLoopy · 07/05/2016 15:42

Context: My wife works at a nursery school as an assistant.. Her car was parked in the staff car park, which the kids egress though when they leave, under parental supervision.

During lunch time pick-up, one of the departing 4 year old's took a rock and scratched every panel and light fixture on her car, all whilst his Mum was standing within 6M of the car, chatting to a friend.

The incident was captured on CCTV.

The cost of a proper repair is so close to the value of the car, I fear it being written off, which is something we could afford but would hurt us a lot financially.

Although the damage is only cosmetic, the car was pristine before the incident (I'm a fussy sod who takes good care of his stuff) and I don't see why we should tolerate driving a 'shed' around 'for the children'.

We're trying to seek restitution from the School's insurance (if it will cover it) but to cover our butts, we've reported the incident to the police (so and official record exists) and reported it to our insurer.

If we have to use our car insurance AND we're fortunate enough to not have the car written off, it's going to tank my partners insurance premiums.

Frankly, I want to encourage the police to be fully involved and start proceedings immediately for civil action via the small claims court. I just dont think I can have confidence that Mum is going to be wired in the same way I am - i.e. it's her liability and don't see why we should be financially crippled by her parental inattention.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
LupoLoopy · 07/05/2016 17:12

@LogicalThinking Agreed. And I'll be quite frank - I dont have the stomach to chase someone for payments for 600 weeks. At that stage I'd rather take the hit as I dont want to beat a dead dog.

That said, the school serves a posh(er) part of town and I statistically I think it improves our odds that she's not impoverished. If she has any financial freedom, I think she should be paying up as much as she can, bluntly. Surely having a toddler isnt a license to thrill?

OP posts:
Mumoftwoyoungkids · 07/05/2016 17:16

I just can't get my head around not watching a child in a car park. It takes a lot longer to scratch 4 panels than it does for someone to zoom around the corner and.....

Himalayanrock · 07/05/2016 17:17

Your poor wife..it's not her fault this has happened!

TormundGiantsbabe · 07/05/2016 17:17

You would prefer your wife to give up a job she enjoys because her car got scratched?

BoneyBackJefferson · 07/05/2016 17:17

Full respray on a standard 4 door saloon is about £3k (ish) depending on paint and where you take it. (obviously body shape and paint type will have an affect on the price)

At least for a good quality one, a shoddy flash over from about £1k.

Light clusters depending on the make and model of the car are from £30 each (new) to £500 (ish)

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/05/2016 17:18

Small courts claim could still end up with Lupo being paid at a rate of £10 a week, or even a month, if the mother is truly impoverished. But then with the court costs on top as well.

I do think it's important that you go after her though, if only so she realises that it is NOT OKAY to stand by while her child inflicts criminal damage on someone else's property!

MsJamieFraser · 07/05/2016 17:19

have you actually been given a quote OP? if so you should, insurances are there for a reason and as much as I would like the Mum to say she should pay up, depending on her circumstances it may not be possible... Age 4 is below the age of criminal responsibility, however you could take the mother to court for civil action.

Osmiornica · 07/05/2016 17:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadamDeathstare · 07/05/2016 17:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Claraoswald36 · 07/05/2016 17:23

Yanbu. I don't know the answer but I hope you get your money

MsJamieFraser · 07/05/2016 17:23

I see a lot of people here are saying a 4 year old child is doing criminal damage, a child of 4 years cannot be responsible for any action that is deemed criminal...

THis child is unaware of their actions, even if there is damage cause by the child at this age, it is NOT criminal damage!

Ditsy4 · 07/05/2016 17:24

I work in a school we park at our own risk!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/05/2016 17:26

ok, I'll rephrase:
"I do think it's important that you go after her though, if only so she realises that it is NOT OKAY to stand by while her child inflicts £1000s of damage on someone else's property!!"

Doesn't really make any difference, does it. Mother should have been paying attention.

Original poster
LupoLoopy · 07/05/2016 17:28

@ TormundGiantsbabe No - I dont want her to give up her job.

But the context here is that I'm self employed and cover most of the household and automotive bills. I can only stretch the income I generate so far.

This sets a precedent on her employers attitude/cover and ultimately our legal liabilities. We have to make a decision in light of said precedent.

If her employers position and the legal outcome is we have to pay (and this will cost us, insurance cover or no) and 'tough sh1t', then maybe we should consider her working in the same field, but closer to home, so we are less on the edge financially.

We moved house recently(ish) so she currently commutes 45 minutes for a job she used to be able to drive to in ten. Not sure if you're aware what child carers earn individually, but very few people can afford to work for a loss.

OP posts:
Mumoftwoyoungkids · 07/05/2016 17:29

I've just googled a couple of big insurance companies and both have personal liability as part of their basic contents insurance. (Up to £2m for one of them!) So the mum should be able to claim on that.

ENormaSnob · 07/05/2016 17:29

Yanbu

I would chase every penny tbh.

Original poster
LupoLoopy · 07/05/2016 17:31

@BoneyBack Full respray on a standard 4 door saloon is about £3k (ish) depending on paint and where you take it. (obviously body shape and paint type will have an affect on the price)

Agreed. Depends on the area in the country as well, to be fair. This is a metallic paint of a reasonably complex nature, so it isnt going to be on the lower end of the spectrum.

Quote happening on Monday. Working off verbal estimates from people in the trade currently. I too hope the cost of repair is lower rather than higher.

OP posts:
Sephipops · 07/05/2016 17:32

I think that at the very least the Mum should be paying your excess, plus some to cover the increase of your insurance premiums that will inevitably come your way! For a child to do that much damage, requires some serious lack of judgement/awareness/care. I shudder to think what would have happened if there had been a moving car and kid had run towards that...would she even have noticed?!

KoalaDownUnder · 07/05/2016 17:35

Well, it doesn't sound as if you've even got a quote yet, so I think you're panicking prematurely.

If they're light scratches (as opposed to deep gouges or dents), £4.5 - £8k seems v unlikely.

solvendie · 07/05/2016 17:36

I actually think it's unreasonable to ask someone to cover £8k of damage for what is essentially accidental. However, I don't think you would be unreasonable to ask for the mother to cover the excess on your insurance policy.

MsJamieFraser · 07/05/2016 17:36

I do think it makes a difference as you are calling a 4 year old child a criminal (general comment - not aimed at anyone)

Yes I agree the Mum should have paid attention, however how many of us Mums have dropped the ball for those few seemingly few seconds.... I know I have, I do find the Mum irresponsible but also as a Mum I do see how it this could have happened.

NO excuse, NOT making excuses, just I could foresee this happening , more so as my children's school as you need to collect children from the car park, where there is pebble garden boarders around the school to make it "nice" The teachers car park is the main entrance.

Buggers · 07/05/2016 17:37

That's terrible surely there would have been a scratching sound being made as the child did it.. how could the mother not noticeConfused

KoalaDownUnder · 07/05/2016 17:38

Just saw your update - not sure how 'complex' paint can be, metallic or otherwise, on an £8k (max) car. But okay.

sparechange · 07/05/2016 17:38

Of course the parents should put, but... £5- 8k repair bill? Give over! You're milking this...

A motorbike crashed near where my old car (newish BMW) was parked, and him and the bike skidded into and onto it, denting the bumper, skidding down the side scratching the entire side and then pulling off and denting the back bumper. To add insult to injury, a bit flew off his bike and smashed the back windscreen.

The entire repair bill, including towing the car away (it wasn't drivable with the back bumper dragging along the ground) was under £5k

You are looking at a respray. You would probably even get someone like Chips Away to come and do it in a few hours.

Anyone quoting £8k for respraying the car is absolutely taking the piss, and you are to suggest that's what the parents need to pay.

Get a scratch relax place to give a comparison quote, and present that to the parents.

Buggers · 07/05/2016 17:39

I agree the little boy isn't to blame at all, also at that age I'm sure he would have pointed to the car after he did it and tell his mum?? In his mind he was probably making it 'nicer' and wouldn't have realised he shouldn't have done it.

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