To ask a slightly disgusting question re. your toilet habits?

[MattDillonsPants]

Don't read if eating.

Well DH and I have a disagreement.

I say if you need a poo, you need a poo...well I do anyway...there's no waiting about it. Personally I have to go immediately.

He says he can decide when to go...he knows "I need a poo" but can choose to wait sometimes for hours.

I say he's caused himself issues in this department by waiting habitually...which he does regularly.

He has all kinds of digestive problems including wind, diarrhoea and constipation.

He says these issues are simply because he has food sensitivities...he MAY but won't get that checked out...I say if he would listen to his body and poo when it wants to...then a lot would be sorted out.

Sometimes I ignore what I need to do as I just need to; get the boys to school; hang the washing out before it goes wrinkly; get stuff out of the freezer.
Then when I've done all this the urgency will turn into about 3 days of the opposite.
Sorry!

Unless I have an upset stomach I can't use public loos to poo. I can't even poo at home unless everyone is out or asleep - and I have to have a shower straight after. I may have issues!

My DH spends ages on the loo to make sure it's all out. He's teaching our toilet-training child to do the same - he'll hold him over the toilet repeatedly asking him to try again, just in case there's more to come, until DS gets upset! We've had words about it. DS does one enormous poo a day, there's never more to come but if there were he could come back again when he's ready. Who has time to sit there all day, just in case?! I'm intervening in the toilet training efforts, purely to avoid poor DS getting hemorrhoids before he's 5.

I think it's a male thing. DH spends about an hour on the toilet each day. I can only assume he's waiting for the urge to go. I just wait till I need to go and I'm done in 2 mins.

It's very rare I just need to go randomly though. I just get up, have a poo, job done for the day.

I assume this is pretty normal.

Intriguing thread to start

Ex HCP, also have IBS and ocd so this is mind frazzling for me!

I can't hold it for long especially if I'm in a diarrhoea phase. I know exactly where the clean tidy loos are in town!

From a health perspective holding for more than a couple hours OR straining (which is what your dh is teaching your dc to do agnu) are both unhealthy. Holding can lead to spasms, constipation, infection and long term conditions like IBS! Straining can lead to fissures, piles and also infections. Go when you need to in a reasonable time and don't strain.

I'm a private pooer. I just can't bring myself to poo in a public toilet. I know it stems from when I was a kid and had a poo in a school toilet and one girl decided to run screaming around the school that I had done it. I still remember the horror and have never done it in a public toilet since.

I have an uncle who is a plumber and has held it in for years (not a single poo obviously) when on site. He has numerous bowel issues now he's older. Not sure if they're related to his work life ... just saying.

My poo control is impeccable.

OP seriously though, your dh's "rhythm" doesn't sound healthy especially given his digestive issues. How bad is it?

My dh's pooing habit is like clockwork. First thing in the morning and once in the afternoon. When he needs to go, he really needs to go there and then. Going out and about with him is so annoying because we have to factor in poo breaks. Luckily for him he can poo anywhere (almost).

I, on the other hand, have a longer poo cycle. I'm not constipated or anything but I generally just poo every 2-3 days. I do have a problem with pooing in public toilets or anywhere other than the comfort of my own home. I can hold it in if I need to but if I do, I tend to get constipated a bit.

Our bodies just process our food intake at different rates. I'm quite glad I'm not a multiple daily pooer because I'd be housebound. I cant even use a public toilet for a wee never mind a poo.

You should be aiming for one a day at least, if not doing so regularly you might want to check your fibre and fluid intake.

Why would anyone want to hold onto thier poo?

I understand some people may have issues with pooing but it's overall just best to let it go

I agree with you OP. But mostly because if I don't go when I need to, then I cause myself problems with impaction. I've always had dodgy bowels, mostly because of unacknowledged wheat issues when little; but I thought I had that sorted once I changed my diet. And I did - up until I got pg with DS1. Then things started to get a bit, um, stuck - and I may have broken something once shifting a poo the size and shape of a Bramley apple (a LARGE one). Ever since then, I've had bother - and now I really cannot afford to wait longer than it takes to find a loo and let it go.

What your DH is doing is a Bad Idea. He needs to sort his attitude out.

I have IBS so holding it is not an option but there is the mythical Great Ferris Wheel of Poo.

This is a theory that H and his best friend came up with about 30 years ago. They had one of those drunken housemate discussions that end up getting a bit weird, this one being about why you can suddenly get the urge to poo but if you can hold it in (assuming a normal poo) then it kind of goes back up into the bowel. They discussed how and why this happens and they decided that just inside the bum there is a ferris wheel that the poo sits in so it only wants to come out when its car is at the bottom (fnaaar), and if it cant exit then it goes around the ferris wheel again.

As theories go, .... its fucking mad but more interesting than the facts about sphincter muscles, impacted bowels etc.

Your DH is wrong btw and yes his digestive issues are probably affected by his holding on, if not caused by it (although I think they probably are). Does he suffer with constipation followed by involuntary evacuation?

I'm the same as you OP and my dp is like your dh. He decides when he wants to poo whereas when I feel I need to go I do straight away. I don't think dp gets the feeling of urgency that I do. I just think he's aware there is poo there but no desperate need to get rid immediately.
I'm done in a couple of minutes though whereas dp will spend 20 minutes or so in the bathroom.
I prefer my way.

Bogey yes he has done. It's always varied but that does happen.

If I need to go, I NEED to go. I can't really wait more than a few minutes. Dh will come home from work needing a poo and say he's needed to go for hours. I couldn't hold on for that long! I don't know if it's something to do with having children, I can't remember if I was always like this.

Never take Metformin. There will be diabetics out there who know what I mean.

Pre colostomy bag I used to have to go straight away.... and I mean there and then. It was horrible. I had so many accidents.

Now I can just poo when I am working/cooking/ putting the kids to bed. I still get the sensation which is not that nice but no accidents :)

I get the poo fear. I cannot go in a public toilet or somewhere I think someone might here what I'm doing. It just won't come out!

Genuine question - why do men take ages to poo? My DH is the same and loads of other people say their partners take forever. My DH can be up to 20 minutes a time whilst I take about 2. What's the difference? Is it physiological?

No they're just looking at their phones.

If I'm honest I find this bizarre. I have very little concept of waiting/not waiting. I just get up in the morning, go poo and I'm sorted for the day