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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think when I'm running you shouldn't throw water over me

151 replies

woolypigs · 06/05/2016 23:40

Went running yesterday, next to traffic. I was aware of a red van next to me and the occupants shouted at me, I blanked them and carried on running. When the van caught up with me (due to traffic) as they drove past they threw water at me.
I was left feeling quite upset

OP posts:
glassgarden · 08/05/2016 10:17

Agree, taking pleasure in the physical or psychological pain/suffering of someone suggests to me that they think you deserve to be punished

Shouting at a female cyclist from a van suddenly and loudly as if to make her fall off is an act of revenge, for....
For what?
Being female whilst in charge of a bicycle
Women having the vote
😒

CraftyPenguin · 08/05/2016 10:21

I know someone who when they were much younger (16), squirted a woman with a water pistol as she was waiting at the bus stop. The police found out the reg of the car, and phoned the owner at 4am one day to get the name of the passenger who 'assaulted' the woman, and he was prosecuted. Ywnbu to report it.

seaweed123 · 08/05/2016 11:59

I was trying to explain this to my DH recently - he was commenting on the fact that women runners are much less likely to do the friendly nod and smile when passing another runner than men.

I don't think he quite believed me when I said that they would probably waiting to see if he was going to spit on them or something.

I've been quite lucky, only had an unidentified liquid from a car directly into my eyes once. One case of someone screaming "bouncy tits" right in my face. Lots of comments shouted from cars and men I've passed though.

I also stopped wearing my pink high viz jacket to cycle, as I found a massive difference between that and my yellow one when it came to people driving like dicks.

MarthaCliffYouCunt · 08/05/2016 12:05

Yes its had crossed my mind it would encourage more attacks from people wanting to see their 'genius' attack described online and see the reaction it caused. Ugh.

DailyMailAreAFuckingJoke · 08/05/2016 12:14

And to the person who commented earlier that male runners and cyclists also suffer from abuse - true. But I bet it is not anywhere near the same extent.

My DH runs and cycles and has done for years. He's had brushes with several selfish motorists and been knocked off his bike in an accident once. However he has never:

  • Had his arse slapped or had someone make contact intended to be sexual, with his body in any way.
  • He's never had shouted comments of any sort which comment on his body type, or how fast he is going, or what he looks like.
  • He has never had any verbal speculation about what his genitals look like, or what it might be like to have sexual intercourse with him.
  • He has never been told that his chest looks 'big and fucking bouncy'.

I have had all of these things happen to me and I know from my friends and acquaintances, as well as the experiences shared by posters on this thread, that my stories are not in any way unique. So I find the throwaway comment about men suffering from this type of problem to be not only unhelpful but mostly untrue. The kind of abuse that I am referring to here is largely dominated by sexual commentary. The blokes I know who get hassle if they run or cycle, tend to be on the receiving end of 'road rage' type incidents - whilst this is no way pleasant or acceptable, it's not the same as what we are describing here.

TaraCarter · 08/05/2016 13:15

I cycled past a pub yesterday and the group of men outside shouted "Bradley Wiggins"! I was only going to the supermarket...

I also had an incident cycling where a group of male teens hassled me as they overtook and seemed outraged by my mere presence on the road.

WyldChyld · 08/05/2016 14:05

It's not just runners, unfortunately, it's women in general.

I was walking the other day - just moseying along, heading back to my car, in town. A big expensive four by four full of men in their 20s / 30s pulled past with tinted windows, opened all the windows and they all screamed abuse at me - "you fat cunt, fat bitch, ugly bitch, ugly cunt, fuck off, who'd touch you" and making pig noises and blowing their cheeks out.

Two months ago, I was stopped at traffic lights and four teenage boys stopped in front of my car in the middle of the road and abused me in the exact same manner and refused to move off the road.

Yes, I'm overweight.

MarthaCliffYouCunt · 08/05/2016 14:09
Angry
scrabbletile · 08/05/2016 16:24

Why has this horrible culture of shouting at women "bet she takes it up the arse" come common from certain men - had variations on this screamed at me by teenage boys and from a van in past few months and a few others have mentioned this in the thread.

Memunchiesanomanomnom · 08/05/2016 16:47

YANBU
There are so many vile and disgusting people around. Why cant they just leave people the hell alone. FFS.

ArgyMargy · 08/05/2016 17:30

Sometimes I think I live on another planet. None of these things have ever happened to me.

donotreadtheDailyHeil · 08/05/2016 17:35

YANBU. I have been running about 6 years and I've not experienced anything like the stories on here - the odd comment from white van man but even then I didn't hear what they said so it could have been something encouraging - it does happen! Generally I am a lot more worried about dogs than idiot humans of the male variety.

I think it largely is sexist, although I was a member of the Run Mummy Run group on Facebook for a while and I remember someone writing that she was abused by the bunch of women, so I think sometimes it is just people feeling threatened/guilty/inadequate at someone else doing something to improve their health and wellbeing.

The one time I've had something sexual wasn't when I was running - I was coaching with my club. Fortunately the runners from the club came round every few minutes so although they shouted obscenities, they didn't come near. me Eventually they were collected by car by what I took to be their mother, really I should have told her what they'd said to me (something like I'd love to shag you, not exactly sure now). I'm in my mid 40s and they were about 20. Idiots. Had I had my phone, I would have called the police there and then.

But this is exactly why parkrun is so important. It provides a safe space for people (women) to run without being subjected to this kind of abuse.

glassgarden · 08/05/2016 19:40

once when I was running past stationary traffic I heard 'I really like your tattoo'
another time I ran past a man who said 'you should run faster'
I often get death stares from other women.
Thats it for running hassle from people

glassgarden · 08/05/2016 19:45

small group of boys, maybe 12 years old (?) shouted 'keep running. keep running' I gave them a thumbs up and kept running

anorakgirl · 08/05/2016 19:55

Ds and I were walking down the road one day and a van drove past and the occupant squirted ketchup at us. I got the number plate and 'phoned 101. They were fab, I said I thought I sounded stupid but ds was shaken up and the call handler was fantastic. They didn't track the driver down but the police 'phoned the next day to check on ds. Total idiots. I also get shouted at quite often on my bike too!

JeanGenie23 · 08/05/2016 23:07

What confuses and upsets me is that the men who shout offensive explictives from car windows could have daughters/sisters, would they like it if someone spoke to someone they love like that?

The lack of respect is astonishing. Whether they do it to be funny or intimidating I don't know, but I do wish in the few times it's happened to me I had been quick thinking enough to take a picture of their face/vehicle registration!

crayfish · 09/05/2016 19:17

Last night I was running in the park with my husband (rare treat as SIL was babysitting). DH ran ahead at one point and as I spotted a group of young lads drinking on a park bench up ahead, I shouted for him to wait and run with me so I didn't get 'jeered at'. DH was shocked that this was something I would even think about, let alone something that would actually happen. I told him about this thread and he was really angry that women would be put off exercising by some horrible blokes, but that is our reality.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 09/05/2016 19:33

I think most good, decent men (ie our DHs Grin ) are completely clueless about the amount of street harassment most women are subjected to throughout their lives.

A while back (following a different MN thread) DH and I had a conversation about it - about how vulnerable women can feel when they walk alone, and see a group of blokes, etc, and about the everyday sexism project. He didn't have a clue - because when we're with them, it just doesn't happen. Plus he doesn't drive around in vans shouting or throwing things at women - so why would he think it's so commonplace.

I couldn't even list the number of times this sort of street sexual harassment /abuse has happened to me - when I've just been minding my own business and going about my daily life - because it's happened hundreds of times in my 30 odd years of adulthood. I won't even run on the street because of it - I take the dog , and walk him/drive him to my 'safe' places where I can run in peace - the countryside and paths around our house, or nearby woods. When you think about it, it's staggering to realise how many times we women will modify our behaviour due to this sort of harassment.

ThomasRichard · 09/05/2016 19:49

I'm sorry that happened to you OP and that the police are taking it seriously. These stories are shocking and make me feel so angry. Why can't we just use the streets in peace?!

I've had all sorts shouted at me, had some idiot spit at me while I was walking to work once and another muppet try to mug me but I've never had anything thrown at me, thank goodness.

I almost always run in the dark or wear sunglasses or a cap and listen to music so I feel more confident and anonymous. Parkrun is also excellent.

Due to the headphones, I had an incident once where I caught movement out of the corner of my eye, jumped and screamed in a totally innocent chap's face Blush I couldn't apologise enough but the guy was completely non-plussed.

kiwiquest · 09/05/2016 20:26

Sorry this happened to you OP. Flowers

I used to live in London and run pre DD and never found it that bad but OMG try going anywhere in the city wearing Jodhpurs it brings out all the kinks!! HmmConfused I'm not talking Jilly Cooper pristine white jods and boots apparel, think more plastered in sweat, mud and horse hair, Not attractive in the slightest. Worst was the woman who gave ME grief because her boyfriend decided to make lewd comments about me in front of her.....Shock Oh and if you dare retaliate you are a stuck up bitch?? How does that work?? Hmm

Naicecuppatea · 09/05/2016 20:47

I am an avid runner and have been pretty lucky so far in that I've only had a few whistles or horns. I do sometimes get death glares from pedestrians though, not sure why as I always try to be considerate. We do live in a naice area with a lot of runners and cyclists though so that may make a difference.

Naicecuppatea · 09/05/2016 20:49

Meant to also say that some of these are horrific. I am so sad that as women we can't just be left alone to run. Apart from male ignorance and rudeness, I really do think that a lot of it is due to jealousy that a runner is doing something positive for their health and fitness.

JeanGenie23 · 09/05/2016 23:02

On average I run 3 times a week, sometimes 4 if I'm being good, and I would say out of the month there are 2-3 incidents of jeering/heckling/intimidation of some kind. That's roughly 40% of the time! It's actually worse now it's lighter in the evenings because there are more teenagers hanging about. If I run with someone else it almost never happens. Which tells me it's purely about intimidation.

KyloRenNeedsTherapy · 09/05/2016 23:14

While I agree this is largely men, I have had two incidents in the last two years of women shouting obscenities at me when on my bike - both times they were with men in the car.

Not sure what that's about? Showing off to their boyfriends? It was humiliating. Both vicious comments about my size.

KayTee87 · 09/05/2016 23:50

I used to cycle to and from work and nearly everyday a man / teenage boy would shout something at me - usually something about my 'tits'. It was horrible, never happened when my husband was with me.
My first experience of things like this was when I was only 14 there was new flats being built at the end of my street, I had to walk past the building site on the way to and from school, I always got shouted at (I was in my school uniform ffs) I eventually told my mum who went down and tore them a new one, never even glanced my way after that.