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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that guests should receive a meal at a wedding

406 replies

Roversandrhodes · 06/05/2016 14:52

Oh and I recently attended the wedding of good old friends of mine ,oh has met them a handful of times.
Wedding was at 12 and night guests arrived at 7.After the ceremony we were shown to a room for a 'mingle' whilst the wedding party had their photos.We were then taken to our assigned tables and sat down to a scone and jam.This was it ,all day.

Until about 9pm when a burger van arrived .

Aibu to think this was a little rude ?Some guests had travelled from Germany and Scotland to be there ,it was Friday so many guests inc myself and oh had taken time off work ,no kids were aloud so we (and many other guests had arranged childcare) ,we travelled an hour to get there ,brought a gift ,etc.I don't resent doing any of this ,I was happy to be invited but I just think it's a little unreasonable to expect guests to go from morning til 8pm on one scone each and a spoonful of jam.

Thoughts ?

OP posts:
foursillybeans · 06/05/2016 20:19

It would be ok if it was mentioned on the invite but clearly it wasn't. I have been to weddings that have been short and served only cake but they were after lunch and it was clearly stated on the invitation.

I feel sad for them as the wedding will be always remembered as 'that weird wedding with no food. Do you remember, we are all really hunger.'

MiddleClassProblem · 06/05/2016 20:20

Lol and two other meals!

But yes definitely not on its own. It's just an add on like when people have a roulette table or something

Want2bSupermum · 06/05/2016 20:21

We live in NJ USA and the food here at weddings is insane. We went to a wedding in late November and I was 5 months pregnant. When we got there the manager came over and kindly offered to get me some food if I needed it. If you offered a scone here at a wedding there would be anarchy.

Also I hate food trucks and don't buy food from them. They are filthy and I don't see how you can keep your hands and surfaces clean as you cook things up.

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 06/05/2016 20:23

Back to the OP, I feed the kids who go to DDs birthday parties more, and they only last about 2 hours (usually in afternoon, so not over lunch OR dinner time!)

Usually costs me about £100 all in to hire a hall + activities/decoraions and feed 30 kids a decent plate of cheap food (sausage rolls and sambos and stuff) before jelly then cake!

I don't think you can blame cost for not feeding people, they're just shit hosts

Tartsamazeballs · 06/05/2016 20:24

That's abhorrent. If you have invited people anywhere over a normal meal time (ie 8-9am, 12-2pm, 6-7pm) you feed them a meal or forewarn them that you won't.

It doesn't matter if you are inviting them to a party, over your house or a wedding- you need to manage expectations.

Floggingmolly · 06/05/2016 20:24

i'd struggle to see the fun in sweets at a wedding to be honest, although I'd eat them at any other time. Just, you know, all dressed up; having a few bevvies, the last thing I want to do at that particular time is choose a little bag of sweeties to scoff.
I'm obviously just a miserable cow though, everyone else seems to see the magic...

BrieAndChilli · 06/05/2016 20:28

We had our wedding at some holiday cottages so people chipped in to stay for the weekend. (£50 per person so cheaper than a hotel) we provided each cottage with breakfast stuff, tea/coffee stuff and snacks. We made several types of pasta dishes and salad and garlic bread for the Friday night then a massive BBQ after the ceremony. We also provided alchocol (out family are all very nice and brought stuff too so we actually ended up taking home loads!)
My dad then paid for everyone to have a massive fry up the next day at a local pub.

MakingJudySmile · 06/05/2016 20:28

The one I went to that had a plate of finger sized sandwiches was classed as 'foodie'. Not sure why.

MrsJoeyMaynard · 06/05/2016 20:30

We went to a wedding with a sweet buffet. Essentially it was pick and mix sweeties.

The bride and groom had organised canapes and the sweet buffet for after the ceremony, followed by a 3 course sit down meal. And then a hog roast for the evening ceremony.

The sweet buffet seemed pretty popular.

PoohBearsHole · 06/05/2016 20:36

I went to a wedding of a colleague, hungover, left early in the morning as a 3 hour drive, arrived late due to traffic, changed and headed to church. That was hungover, NO time for food, no breakfast, 1pm wedding thinking canapés and champers post do. Oh yes at 8pm. 8pm. I'd my eaten for over 24 hrs as had been out drinking the night before and not eaten properly. And the food was cheese and pineapple on sticks. Fine, except too many guests and not enough food so I actually got a square of cheese and pineapple. My other stars colleagues stopped for a mcDs AND went for a curry. They couldn't find me apparently. bastards.

When do and I got married FOOD was key. To the point that are generous budget would have covered 3 canapés per head and a two course meal. DH and I went with the local pub instead of fancy caterer and had on tap food for the length of our wedding. People still talk about if today 12 years on as they were given a rocking party due to abundance of food and drink. I'd still would have liked to be a guest 😂😂😂😂 sounds dreadful I know but food is of the utmost importance to my family. Swiftly followed by booze 😀.

MrsJoeyMaynard · 06/05/2016 20:38

But back to the OP-

YANBU. If you're expecting guests to hang around for that length of time, you need to feed them properly.

If you can't or don't want to for whatever reason, then at the very least the guests should be made fully aware that they're not going to be fed so that they can make their own arrangements about food.

MiddleClassProblem · 06/05/2016 20:44

After this thread they should change the biscuit emoji to a scone

bibbitybobbityyhat · 06/05/2016 20:51

Yanbu. Our wedding was at 11.30am. Then photos. Then sit down three course meal (with options) back at the hotel. Then a bit of a break, then evening do with full evening buffet. If anyone was hungry at our wedding I would have felt terrible!

Falling270 · 06/05/2016 20:54

Personally I would be appalled to attend a wedding where I wasn't fed. YANBU

BoffinMum · 06/05/2016 20:59

Headofthehive Grin

No, 1st October meeting
Beginning of November first shag
Upduffed beginning of April
Realised in May
Married July with 120 people there and the full white wedding works - got a cancellation at a hotel, luckily and by some miracle the church I wanted was free.

Choceeclair123 · 06/05/2016 21:03

There were 5 rooms for the eating of the scone...
*
Grin* hahaha cracked me up!!

Original poster
Roversandrhodes · 06/05/2016 21:04

On the subject of these 'sweetie bars' or whatever you want to call them,there aparantly was one at the scone wedding.However I never saw it and never saw anyone with any sweets until there was talk of it amongst the friends I was with ,don't know how they'd discovered it but I can't say is was interested.Im with the people who don't really 'get them' .Great idea for kids but don't see the excitement in them for adults ,I think they're a bit pointless and definitely not a good substitute

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityyhat · 06/05/2016 21:04

I would be completely non-plussed by a sweet buffet. I'm not interested in sweets, I'm in my 50s!

Original poster
Roversandrhodes · 06/05/2016 21:04

*food

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 06/05/2016 21:08

I went to a wedding a few months ago. The wedding was at a Church and started at 12pm and then we were all at the wedding party venue for about 2pm. Me and DH had eaten our breakfast at about 8am (as most guests had I assume) so come 2pm we were hungry. We didn't get anything substantial to eat until 8.30pm and we were allowed either a ham batch or a cheese batch, some crisps and a cupcake.

I completely understand that some people can't afford a full wedding meal etc but I did think it was bad to leave guests without any food for almost 9 hours.

Me and DH went to McDonalds on the way home Grin

Original poster
Roversandrhodes · 06/05/2016 21:10

It was a bit excessive to say the least ,wasn't worth sitting down for.To add insult to injury it was the driest scone I've ever tasted ,it was so bad and definitely hadn't been baked that day ...or even the day before.Stale is the word.

OP posts:
Swirlingasong · 06/05/2016 21:38

We once went to a wedding at 1pm with a reception at a hotel in a neighbouring town afterwards. That was all the info we were given. We lived about an hour away by train so just went for the day having had a big breakfast at home. Last train back from the town the reception was in was about 10.30pm so we thought it would be fine.

After the service, bride and groom were having photos at the church and no one knew what time the reception started. Bridesmaid did her best but was just told to tell people to carry on to the hotel and that there were drinks there. I guess we got there about 3pm. There were drinks. One each. And a room not nearly big enough for all the guests with just a couple of bench type seats and tables at the sides. So we all stood, sipping a drink, wondering where the wedding party was as bride and groom were nowhere to be seen.

At 8.30pm, we were finally ushered through to another room for the meal. The bride and groom appeared, having apparently been having more photos taken in the (well-hidden) gardens that no-one had mentioned to the guests.

Then there were some speeches. Then finally food. The main course was just being served when we had to leave to be able to get the last train. I felt incredibly rude having to literally invade the top table mid-meal, say hello to the bride and groom and their parents for the first time that day and say we were leaving. Looking back, I don't think I was the one who should have felt awkward.

Original poster
Roversandrhodes · 06/05/2016 21:43

Wow,that really is bad!

OP posts:
Gide · 06/05/2016 22:06

I had 3 course meal at my wedding, 3pm ish, then massive buffet at night, Indian themed, so samosas, pakoras, onion bhajis. There was loads. I mostly just wandered round losing drinks and getting merry talking to mates. No-one whinged about the food and there was a decent bar. The wine during the day was bonkers, the parents did a booze cruise to Calais Carrefour, so there were several bottles per table and mother kept telling the staff to fill up glasses.

ABCAlwaysBeCunting · 06/05/2016 22:23

We went to a wedding where the service was at 12 noon. The reception wasn't until 4pm until which we had to stand outside on a hot day in August with no chairs, drinks or food. We lost patience when we found out there was nothing till 4pm and just went back to our room,

It was a typical East End/Essex done good wedding, so lots of flashy stuff but no actual things which were considerate of guests.

Then there was two hours TWO HOURS of speeches before dinner. With fucking PowerPoint. It's one of the few occasions that Mil and I have agreed and both of us were on the point of walking out.

I honestly don't get why people do this shit at their weddings. We had the ceremony, drinks then food with no hanging around. There were no speeches and people basically got directed to tables then food was served.