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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that guests should receive a meal at a wedding

406 replies

Roversandrhodes · 06/05/2016 14:52

Oh and I recently attended the wedding of good old friends of mine ,oh has met them a handful of times.
Wedding was at 12 and night guests arrived at 7.After the ceremony we were shown to a room for a 'mingle' whilst the wedding party had their photos.We were then taken to our assigned tables and sat down to a scone and jam.This was it ,all day.

Until about 9pm when a burger van arrived .

Aibu to think this was a little rude ?Some guests had travelled from Germany and Scotland to be there ,it was Friday so many guests inc myself and oh had taken time off work ,no kids were aloud so we (and many other guests had arranged childcare) ,we travelled an hour to get there ,brought a gift ,etc.I don't resent doing any of this ,I was happy to be invited but I just think it's a little unreasonable to expect guests to go from morning til 8pm on one scone each and a spoonful of jam.

Thoughts ?

OP posts:

Forgetmenotblue · 06/05/2016 19:42

At our wedding the ceremony was at 2 then tea, cake and sandwiches til about 5.30pm. That was it. Then we left for our honey moon. And this was before afternoon tea was a retro fashionable choice. We just didn't have much money and neither did our families.

FellOutOfBedTwice · 06/05/2016 19:43

My SIL- who is a dick anyway- got married in the middle of nowhere 1.5 hours from home. There was only minimal accommodation nearby and we didn't manage to get a room (there was a room left in a B and B but they wouldn't let us stay with our baby who was only little at the time!) we are talking tiny village. So we had to either stay an hours drive away or not bother and just come from home (which is what we did). Wedding at 11am. We had a big breakfast but that was obviously at around 8.30/9. There was then no food until a very stingy buffet at 9pm. I have never been so hungry or so miserable. All their friends were drunk as sacks by about 1pm and also on coke, which probably kept the hunger pangs at bay. She spent £2k on her dress... Personally I would have appreciated maybe a cheaper dress and some fucking food.

rookiemere · 06/05/2016 19:45

I'm perfectly happy with a late afternoon meal Boffin particularly if you'd sent information beforehand - I don't really mind what the arrangements are if I'm told in advance. That way if I'm not going to be fed, I'll know to bring my own sandwiches or order room service at some point.

I'd be less happy I'm afraid with fish and chips at lunchtime and then no dinner. I wouldn't expect a big meal, but I would expect something with protein later in the day - bacon rolls would have been fine, but lunch and then just sugary carbs for the rest of the day would be a bit of a challenge. But again if I'd been told the format in advance I could plan accordingly.

Original poster

Roversandrhodes · 06/05/2016 19:47

That is god awful!She sounds horrible !
I thought I had it bad with the scone.Weddings really bring out people's true colours I think.

OP posts:

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 06/05/2016 19:52

same. sugary snacks just make me more hungry not less..I wouldn't count candifloss and swee buffets as being fed personally.

MissRabbitHasTooManyJobs · 06/05/2016 19:53

At my brothers wedding, we were presented with a bill at the end for our meal and drinks. There were only 22 people there ( and we had paid to travel to another country ) including the bride and groom.
I was mortified!
Then sil tried to pass off another couples buffet as their own after the other newly wed couple politely said something along the lines of " help yourselves, there's plenty " omg

Floggingmolly · 06/05/2016 19:58

What on earth is a sweetie buffet?! Literally just bowls of sweets?
At a five year old's party, fine. In place of an evening meal at a wedding? Most peculiar...

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 06/05/2016 20:00

sweet buffets in themselves are fine/nice enough as a novelty.. but kinda as a modern altrnative to sugared almonds, not as an alternative to an actual food buffet

rookiemere · 06/05/2016 20:02

I think a sweet buffet is different types of desserts/cakes but I could be wrong. At a friends wedding there was a fab one where all the local folks had made yummy cakes, served after the hog roast it was fab. Then there was the layered cake of cheeses for the evening snack. Ace wedding.

Headofthehive55 · 06/05/2016 20:03

boffinmum you married within 6 weeks of meeting?

Floggingmolly · 06/05/2016 20:04

But sugared almonds were only ever a party favour, weren't they? A couple in a net bag to take home... They never counted as food, as such.
Why would people who will have spent the afternoon on the lash (most of them) want to start guzzling licorice allsorts at 9pm?? Bizarre.

MiddleClassProblem · 06/05/2016 20:05

Yeah are wedding was pretty foodie. We got married at 2, canapés right after ceremony with mojitos, then cut the cake so it could be served with dessert. Sit down meal was a tapas buffet with manchego, Serrano ham and bread on the table then pud was an ice cream sundae bar with the cake. Dance bit had the candy buffet and a cheese table, then at about 9:30 there was fish and chips. I could barely eat though as I was all adrenaline. People still mention our runny yolk quail scotch egg canapés to me and I have no idea what they were like.

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 06/05/2016 20:05

But sugared almonds were only ever a party favour, weren't they? A couple in a net bag to take home... They never counted as food, as such

exactly. Same as sweet buffets, except you're picking your sweeties rather than having them picked and wrapped in gauze/a wee box for you

neither count as food

Floggingmolly · 06/05/2016 20:07

Oh, just seen Rookies post. So it's the old sweet / dessert / pudding confusion again, then
Still odd, though, having a whole raft of desserts instead of dinner.

MiddleClassProblem · 06/05/2016 20:07

Also our favours were chocolate brownie cake pops...

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 06/05/2016 20:08

I think a sweet buffet is different types of desserts/cakes but I could be wrong.

no these days it's literally a sweet buffet. A few bowls of different pick'n'mix and guest chose their own little bag of sweets.

its not food of any sort. its a fun take on party favors is all (if it's your idea of fun, I quite like them if they're as well as food )

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 06/05/2016 20:12

sweet buffet

Floggingmolly · 06/05/2016 20:13

Just like the goody bags at a kid's party then . When did that become a thing at weddings (and why??). Can you get little bouncy balls and whistles too?

TheCrumpettyTree · 06/05/2016 20:13

I've been reading another website where a bride is genuinely asking if only serving cake and sweets is acceptable.

TendonQueen · 06/05/2016 20:16

A scone is not 'afternoon tea'. How mean of them. If I couldn't at least provide a low cost sandwiches, sausage rolls and crisps buffet, I'd be saying to people 'come and join us at this restaurant, each pay for what you want' and then at least they'd know in advance!

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 06/05/2016 20:16

I've been reading another website where a bride is genuinely asking if only serving cake and sweets is acceptable

IMO it is. If it's an afternoon wedding and it's literally ceremony then tea & cake then everyone leaves. Or a late evening wedding. But I'm guessing that's not the case….???

foursillybeans · 06/05/2016 20:17

That's a bit weird. I'm not sure what kind of reaction they would expect to that amount of food. It is unreasonable to invite people to an event allday and not feed them. You wouldn't do it if you invited someone to your home and inviting them to your wedding is no different in the sense that the responsibility is on you to provide enough refreshments for the day and at suitable times.

MiddleClassProblem · 06/05/2016 20:17

Why? Because sweets are amazing. Honestly ours was a hit from 94 yr old nana to the kids. People could have it there and take bags away. It's fun. If it's not for you, that's fine but surely you can see the fun in it

Melfish · 06/05/2016 20:18

Went to a colleague's wedding. Turned up at 12 for the ceremony which droned on til 3 then they had a further hour long ceremony. I left to go out after the first one as food did not look imminent. Spent about an hour out getting food and going to the betting shop to kill some time (saw some other guests in there too) before putting my head round the venue door again and then going home for the evening. Another colleague who stayed said they didn't get fed til 7.30!
It's just like a party, if you invite people to come at a certain time, and then consider normal meal times (e.g. 12-2 lunch, 6-9 dinner) then you have to provide the guests with a reasonable amount of grub.
If a wedding starts at 12 then surely the myriad of people involved in planning a wedding think 'Ah, people won't have had lunch before they come, perhaps we should either start the thing later or feed them by 2 at the latest'. Perhaps wedding invitations should just say that 'the food will be served at x o'clock' as that's what everyone wants to know anyway.

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 06/05/2016 20:19

it's not fun if it's counted as having fed the guests! I wouldn't be in much of a fun food if all I'ld had to eat was sugar all evening. However if it was as well as cheese boards and runny scotch eggs etc! yes! fun!

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