to think that guests should receive a meal at a wedding

[Roversandrhodes]

Oh and I recently attended the wedding of good old friends of mine ,oh has met them a handful of times.
Wedding was at 12 and night guests arrived at 7.After the ceremony we were shown to a room for a 'mingle' whilst the wedding party had their photos.We were then taken to our assigned tables and sat down to a scone and jam.This was it ,all day.

Until about 9pm when a burger van arrived .

Aibu to think this was a little rude ?Some guests had travelled from Germany and Scotland to be there ,it was Friday so many guests inc myself and oh had taken time off work ,no kids were aloud so we (and many other guests had arranged childcare) ,we travelled an hour to get there ,brought a gift ,etc.I don't resent doing any of this ,I was happy to be invited but I just think it's a little unreasonable to expect guests to go from morning til 8pm on one scone each and a spoonful of jam.

Thoughts ?

[musicposy]

My friend had a huge, lavish wedding in a hotel with over 200 guests. My DDs were bridesmaids so we were out of the house before 10am as it was a fairly early wedding.

I suspect because she couldn't really afford that number of people, instead of providing 2 meals (it went on until midnight) she just pushed the main hotel meal to about 4 or 5 o'clock. By which time I was frantic with hunger. I don't do well when I'm very hungry, I get a kind of emotional response, short tempered, almost panicky - then when I eat I'm fine. The 9 hours waiting around with nothing, not even any water, whilst all the photos were taken and people mingled were excruciating. After the meal, by about 9pm, we'd been told there would be snacks. Actually just a couple of bowls of crisps came out which were scoffed so fast that most guests (including us) didn't get any. So a 14 hour wedding and one meal. The meal was lovely but very much little things arranged artistically on a plate - quality rather than quantity.

The trouble with weddings is, you can't always just leave and get a burger without looking exceptionally rude. It's not like any other long day out in that respect. You're reliant on your hosts.

The sad thing is, I look back and I don't remember the beautiful setting or her lovely dress or my DDs being amazing bridesmaids. I just remember how frantic with hunger I was all day. She should have asked half the people and had twice the food. Agree with the PPs who say the food is what you remember.

[Junosmum]

Weren't the bride and groom hungry? Or are they awful people who just 'forget to eat'?

[Aeroflotgirl]

Very self absorbed op, so they paid for their honeymoon and professional photographer, for the comfort of their guests. Its plain to see where their priorities lie!

[AlwaysShopping]

YANBU I didn't think it was a done thing untill I attended one recently with no food. Not even snacks, nothing !!! It was from 2-6 with a gap then the party started at 9. People had to go off and buy their own food in the local area !! Horrendous - I was in complete shock.

[AnotherPrickInTheWall]

I can't quite get over people paying for photographers, posh outfits, cars flowers and venues, yet not realising the very basic needs of guests who've shelled out a fortune for the " privilege" of attending a wedding.
I think I belong in another era.

[Roversandrhodes]

Well her mother paid for the hm but personally I'd prefer my guests weren't talking behind my back about how starving they were at my wedding so would probably have asked my mother if she minded putting the money towards food instead and putting the hm on hold or choosing a cheaper destination.

[momb]

Serving a stylised afternoon tea as a wedding breakfast is pushed by the wedding industry as an acceptable choice: which it is, if sandwiches, treats and cakes are served...it sounds as if this couple chose the snack value option and hoped the caterers would make up the shortfall, which of course they won't as they are running a business....
We had an informal wedding, with street food stalls which sadly did run out of food mid-aftenoon. However I'd catered for 3 options and 80 people for each...so the fact they ran out was down to people going 'hmmm that was great I'll have another' which couldn't have been planned for; so we brought forward the evening meal so everyone had lots to eat (there were leftovers). So basically, we fed, theoretically, 240 people a lunch, 120 people an evening meal, plus 140 pieces cakes/traybakes, plus crisps and snacks (120 bags), plus wedding cakes/cupcakes (80) at a wedding for 120 people. I think if people sit down for a set meal they actually need less...it's the snacking element which makes it problematic.
In your case OP, it sounds like the bride and groom massively under-anticipated what was required.

[AnotherPrickInTheWall]

The best weddings I've attended were not necessarily lavish ones; they provided sustenance and entertainment .
A buffet catered for by family and friends and a barn dance or some good tunes via YouTube are sufficient if cost is an issue.

[Aeroflotgirl]

I just had one meal at my wedding, but the wedding started at 3 so presumably people had lunch beforehand, and those who I invited attended everything, no evening guests, just one lot. We had a lovely fork buffet, table of cakes and the wedding cake. I would be mortified if people went hungry at my wedding. Buffet started at 7pm so not too long a time to wait.

[rookiemere]

If I was expected to last on a scone and jam all day I would have fainted. I have low blood sugar ( or something similar) and find it hard to eat meals with white flour and/or high sugar and/or lacking protein, without feeling weird afterwards.

I find weddings a bit worrying on the old food provision front, so I generally pack some extras in my bag now - but I would expect a proper meal at some stage of the proceedings.

Making sure there was enough food and booze at our wedding was my main priority. I was really annoyed when I found that the hotel had held quite a few bottles back ( we paid corkage on them) presumably in order to force guests to drink their highly priced offerings.

[MatildaTheCat]

I'm surprised there were any guests left by 9pm.

We went to an evening do expecting to be fed but soon realised that the main meal had only just finished. Very luckily the local pub fed us even though the kitchen was shut. I was a bit irritated because all they had to do was warn us to eat first. We'd travelled, stayed in a hotel etc so yes, I was expecting something to eat and if not at least bloody warn us.

Another friend went to an afternoon tea wedding with virtually no food. She and her dp crept upstairs to their room in the hotel and ordered room service!

It seems there is no end to the weirdness of those getting hitched.

[WriteforFun1]

OP your statement " everyone was split up to eat their scone" made me cry laughing. It's like you were all split up so you couldn't go and charge at the couple en masse demanding sustenance. Thing is if the had a burger van at 9 they could have had it earlier? I'm interested to know if the entire wedding party had no food all day.

I have been to a midday wedding with no food till 6, that was bad enough. Some people actually drove into town to get food during the photos. I was sure food was appearing any minute hence why I didn't go with them, I had left home at ten so was very hangry indeed.

[MiddleClassProblem]

We went to an evening do expecting to be fed but soon realised that the main meal had only just finished

Generally if you are only invited to the evening, you don't get the wedding breakfast. That's the bit they can't afford to pay for you being there. They often have food later though

[ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism]

"evening do" = drinks & if you're lucky a bit of a buffet. I don't expect food at evening dos (I did provide it at mine though)

However, I would NEVER invite anyone to evening only if they had to travel! IMO evening only invites are for local people ONLY! I love an evening do invite but would be pissed off if I was invited evening only to a wedding I'm not local to and wouldn't go.

[Forgetmenotblue]

I think anything is fine as long as you tell the guests in advance. I've had a 'bring a picnic' invitation to a wedding before now, and that was lovely. The couple were doing everything super frugally but we all knew in advance so it was actually very good fun and a nice atmosphere.

[BoffinMum]

I got married at 3pm and then we had photos and took the guests to a nearby hotel where they were served a starter at the table, a buffet with two choices of hot meal and a vegetarian option, and then Croque-en-Bouche or fruit as dessert, which was also our wedding cake. We budgeted for a Pimms or Buck's Fizz to drink on the way in plus half a bottle of wine each at the table, and a glass of champagne for the toasts, followed by coffee or tea. Cash bar after that, dancing until midnight. I am worried we don't feed them enough now, although to be fair there was loads of food left over at the buffet and nobody rioted.

[BoffinMum]

I recall doing a newsletter with recommendations about what to wear (no aircon in the hotel, so hot), food plans, arrangement for the creche and so on, so perhaps people worked around that.

[ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism]

Boffin I think that's fine because starting at 3 means people will have had lunch, so you only really needed to "cover" one meal. An evening snack woulda been nice, but a 3 course meal for a 3pm start wedding sounds fine by my so long as the bar served crisps for later

[Northernlurker]

We had an old fashioned wedding. Ceremony at 1, reception with a ton of food in church hall, all guests back home drinking tea or in the pub by 6. It was lovely and nobody was hungry!

One of the nicest weddings I've ever been to was a young couple who invited loads to the church and bring and share lunch with cake cutting afterwards. Lovely and not expensive and we got to see the cake cut. They had an evening meal for family and close friends too which was fine.

[ohlittlepea]

We couldn't afford to do two meals at our wedding but we made sure there was lots to eat all day, fruit, crackers and candy floss cart after the ceremony. Fish and chips for lunch, ice cream cart, cupcakes and sweetie buffet in the evening, little lunch boxes for the children with lots of little healthy snacks incase they were peckish, it wasn't posh but I hope noone went hungry xxx

[Crikeyblimey]

My sister's friend (notoriously careful with money) had boxes of crisps at her wedding and went round handing each guest a bag of crisps!!! This was over 30 years ago and it still gets talked about!

[WriteforFun1]

Ohlittlepea, fish and chips at lunch and then only sweets till late?

[Roversandrhodes]

I wouldn't know if the wedding party had food or not as they were on a different floor to me whilst I was eating (or not) my scone.
We missed the cake being cut and 2 of the speeches because much like the arrival of the burger van ,it was never announced so no one actually knew.It was kind of ,if you're not in the bridal party then you don't matter ,but please come to our wedding and bring gifts .
I've seen her 3 times since the wedding now and still had no thankyou for the cash and card which I find a bit rude/strange since she's discussed how much they 'made' in spending money for honeymoon.

[BoffinMum]

In our defence we were accidentally expecting DS1 and had 6 weeks to decide we like each other, agree to get married, and organise the whole thing, so finances were a bit limited.

[Roversandrhodes]

You provided a meal and then some so I don't think anyone could complain.Id have been happy with the fish and chips