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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

close to death giving birth...

330 replies

ghostspirit · 05/05/2016 09:58

im coming up 38 weeks pregnant. me and bf was talking generally about the birth. im having home birth and was telling him how midwife was saying how if i have to be transfered to hospital it could take upto 30 mins for an ambulance... he said thats rubbish they would get it there within a few mins or so. Then he started going on about how when you give birth your very close to death. of course i know there is a risk when giving birth. i said you can say that about alot of things there are risks in everything. i was trying to tone it down a bit. but he kept going on. it pissed me of because its not something i really want to hear when im not far of giving birth. so was he being unreasonble to be saying them things or am i being over sensitive

OP posts:
Original poster
ghostspirit · 05/05/2016 20:28

how do they not have a right to choose where they give birth?

OP posts:
mmmminx · 05/05/2016 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TealLove · 05/05/2016 20:41

I also wrote my posts in good faith if the " lurid" comment was aimed at me. I find that quite insulting actually. It's not pretty having PPH and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

DMjournosrscum · 05/05/2016 20:45

Penguin - yes they do have a choice (assuming op lives in the developed world. Unless I have missed some drastic changes to maternity care and the police come and get you at 40 weeks and frog March you into hospital leaving you under armed guard. Muppet!

TealSeal · 05/05/2016 21:03

Of course women have the right to choose where to give birth penguin. What an absurd statement.

A woman classed as high risk that has chosen to birth at home will still receive care from the midwifery team albeit 'against advice'. What are you going to do, handcuff them to a hospital bed?

ChatEnOeuf · 05/05/2016 21:16

I'm sure lots and lots of people deliver at home perfectly happily and with no complications. I'm sure they do. However, despite being only 10 minutes from hospital (on a clear run), and a multip with rapid labours, I'd never consider a home birth. Never. I work on NICU, I only see the disasters - rightly or wrongly that has clouded my judgement. My son was stillborn, in a hospital. No-one's fault, just a shitty bit of luck. If I'd elected for a homebirth and that had happened, the guilt I'm feeling now (and will do forever), would be many times worse.

Your situation is not low risk. How you choose to deliver is, ultimately, up to you, but please do go into it with all the facts.

splendide · 05/05/2016 21:17

Thread has moved on a bit but the person who asked me about protocol at a homebirth - don't know in any detail sorry, I'm not a midwife. I know in my area that they carry the drugs to help in the event of PPH - I asked and was told this when planning my own homebirth.

viciousstarling · 05/05/2016 22:28

Agree with just5
I think the shittiest comment was please make a will first
from a doctor

Furiosa · 05/05/2016 22:33

splendide that was me. The person you suggested was exaggerating about the seriousness of my haemorrhage.

I'm glad that you've said you're not a Midwife. You have a HB agenda.

What are your qualifications when it comes to child birth?

splendide · 05/05/2016 22:36

I didn't say you exaggerated at all.

I have no childbirth qualifications and didn't mean to give the impression that I did. I have read the studies on homebirth vs hospital birth and believe they are as safe as each other.

ImNotThatGirl · 05/05/2016 23:11

ghost I feel a bit sorry for you as youve been given advice from non-medical professionals with an agenda to push. I hope your consultant appt is helpful and that you get the answers you are looking for, so that you can balance the risks properly and make an informed decision. Please don't be swayed by people who don't know your medical history.

minifingerz · 05/05/2016 23:35

"A home birth with a sixth baby and a significant anaemia is a really stupid thing to do imo"

Would you like to quantify the risks on the basis of the evidence? Because you must know what the statistical likelihood is of a poor outcome for the OP, given your strong opinion that a homebirth is a bad idea?

Hmm
ImNotThatGirl · 05/05/2016 23:40

I'd love to see research into the OP's exact circumstances. Oh wait, it doesn't exist! Thank goodness for qualified medical professionals, eh?

Good luck at your appt, ghost. I sometimes take people to medical appts because I get flustered and forget what I want to say, even with my list of questions!

minifingerz · 05/05/2016 23:43

'"m glad that you've said you're not a Midwife. You have a HB agenda."

Which you clearly see as a problem.

The fact that other people here are also pushing an opposing agenda - - that hospital birth is the only safe option has passed you by.

There are increased risks to women of severe injury that come with a hospital birth. Low risk women who have their babies there are more likely to end up needing blood transfusions, more likely to end up in an HDU, more likely to end up having a PPH, more likely to end up needing a general anaesthetic. These are increased for women regardless of their risk status at the start of labour.

For some reason these things don't seem to count as problems for those people pushing hospital births as the only truly safe option for even low risk women.

It's wearying.

ImNotThatGirl · 05/05/2016 23:49

The only thing people should be "pushing" is for ghostspirit to seek medical advice, not rambles from a randomer who could be anyone, quite frankly. Reading a few studies doesn't make anyone an expert, despite what some of you may think! No disrespect to the HCPs who are entitled to their own views, of course.

anklemcankle · 05/05/2016 23:54

Hi op I had my dc6 6 months ago.
I have always had a really small amount of bleeding after my previous births but bled a lot after dc6 which was a real shock - had to gave drips etc . No tears or stitches just massive gushes of blood!

Not sure what would have happened if I was at home tbhConfused

I only say this as I was told all along that being dc6 I was high risk for bleeding. I wasn't anemic at all .

Original poster
ghostspirit · 06/05/2016 07:55

thank you for everyone in put. i will take on bored what has been said. but does not mean i will follow what some people have said. as the choice is mine. but as i said i do have consultant today so later i will be more awear of any risks. and then i can make a choice weather to take them risks or not.

thing i dont understand is if im that badly anemic how come i dont feel to bad at all. oh well answers later :)

just hope they can find a vein this time :(

OP posts:
minifingerz · 06/05/2016 08:36

Umm, nobody here is saying 'you should have your baby at home, though there are a few implying that she would be wrong to do so.

minifingerz · 06/05/2016 08:54

"Reading a few studies doesn't make anyone an expert, despite what some of you may think"

So - who on this thread is claiming to be an 'expert'?

"this paper doesn't prove that home births are as safe as hospital births for perinatal outcomes. there will probably never be a study big enough to do that."

This study absolutely fails to prove that hospitals are the safest places for low risk women - particularly multiparous women - to give birth. The study shows there is a very significantly increased rate of serious labour complications for low risk women who choose an obstetric setting for birth, with no gains in terms of neonatal outcomes for the babies of multiparous women, and or for the babies of any low risk mothers (primips or multips) whose alternative birth setting is a freestanding MLU where access to obstetric care requires road transfer, as it does at a homebirth.

RedToothBrush · 06/05/2016 09:15

Actually I think there is a place for doctors and 'armchair study experts'.

It helps to maintain a cheques and balance system.

There is plenty of high profile cases which have pointed out that HCPs have agendas and are doing harm.

Making an informed decision actually falls between doctor advice and personal preferences. Doctors often will advise something but would do something different in the same position themselves due to their professional opinion having different assessments of risk - as in, they would take higher risks themselves than they feel they can advise for a patient. The point being both treatments are appropriate but comes down to how different people assess risk which is unique to an individual. Neither is necessarily 'the wrong' treatment.

Whenever anyone says we should merely be passive individuals and do as our doctor tells us, I have very big concerns.

exaltedwombat · 06/05/2016 11:02

He might be worried about you, and the bad stuff that can happen in childbirth.

CocktailQueen · 06/05/2016 11:02

Well, you're the expert, not him, so I'd completely ignore him. What a loon.

Also, LittleLion - Hmmm I haven't heard that but I've heard the pain level women endure during childbirth is comparable to breaking bones in a car crash -

Wtaf?? What a bonkers thing to say. There are far too many variables - everyone experiences pain differently, nothing breaks in childbirth, so why compare it to breaking bones or a car crash?? Hmm

nicolachristine · 06/05/2016 11:07

I assume he is worried about losing you and/or the child. He might only now come to realise how much - talk to him about the reasons for his reaction and then reevaluate your positions.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 06/05/2016 11:26

I have heard about the pain being like a car crash broke my bones to. I think it's just one of them saying out there...like you say everyoneso pain is a different level.pain with my first 2 I could not cope with. Bit last couple births have been easy ish pain wise compared to first...Probably jinx myself saying that

OP posts:
GarthNader · 06/05/2016 11:58

I've not read the comments but I think he is being unreasonable but I may understand where he's coming from.
To me it seems that he may be worried about the birth. I've had 3 children and it scared me every time. I think he is insensitively trying to communicate that he is worried about the birth. Maybe try to take control of the conversation, attempt to tolerate his poor attempt at communicating, and find out what is worrying him and see if you can agree on a way forward.
All 3 of my children were born in hospital and it scared me every time. With our first there were some complications and I think we were in the best place possible to resolve them and have everyone come out of it safely. However the other 2 were pretty routine.
Just talk to him and remember that men are apes when communicating.

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