To not buy a wedding present?

[oaktreebloom]

DH is one of 5 ushers at a friends wedding and the costs are just adding up. The wedding is over a bank holiday in in Cornwall so a significant distance from us and most friends and family who are based in and around Manchester.

So costs so far:
-Going to the engagement party
-DH has already been on the European stag.
-DH is driving the groom down a few days before the wedding on his request which means that I have to get a train as I don't have the holiday to take to go up early with them.
-Cost of 4 nights accommodation in Cornwall on a bank holiday.
-They are having a pre-wedding party the night before then a big pub meal the day after.
-DH has just been shopping with the groom and other ushers for suits where the groom announced that they would all have to pay for their own suits, which the groom gets to pick, which look to be £350-450!!

They have asked for a cash donation towards their honeymoon in an exotic location and I wouldn't normally entertain not buying a gift but considering the high costs of all the other aspects AIBU to think that a nice card and perhaps a token gift is acceptable in the above situation? Or should we just suck it up and stick £50 in a card whilst gritting our teeth?

We hired suits and my DH paid for them. In fact by hiring them for the grooms party his came free. Unreasonable to expect them to pay!!

We got married in Cornwall too, and because we knew it would be a big journey for people to travel all that way and find accommodation we didn't have a wedding list (just put a not in the invites saying if they REALLY wanted to get us something then some habitat vouchers would be nice). We also made sure that suits for ushers and BM dresses were in OUR budget - damn cheeky to expect ushers to pay for their own, and fund the honeymoon to boot!!! YADNBU.

I feel your pain. Our friends did their wedding on the cheap but I was asked to be a bridesmaid and I hardly knew the bride. Then I had to pay for my own dress. She was going to order it from China to match the others then 'forgot' so it was up to me to find a replacement. Ended up spending £85 and oh had to hot foot it to oxford street to get it! YAMDNBU.

I think being expected to buy suits is a step too far tbh and that your DH should raise it with the groom and maybe the other ushers. You might be able to afford it, but others might not.

TBH I would say the same if bridesmaids were expected to buy dresses.

My view is if you want to dictate what a member of the weeding party wears then you should fund that from your budget.

DH and I paid for all the RENTED suits for the men who were part of the wedding party and for both bridesmaids dresses. In the case of the maid of honour she had a dress made by the same spcialist bridal dressmaker (which I again paid for) as for my dress and she helped design it - it was important to me that she wore something she felt comfortable in and tbh given the cost could wear again, so it was deliberatly not overly bridesmady iyswim.

Overall there are some people who just seem very entitled about weddings - its as if theirs is the only one to happen ever and all the guests should be willing to contibute their life savings to make this the party of the centuary.

I have also found a direct corrolation between these people and the ones who get divorces a few years later. I can only conclude the event itself is far more important to them then the commitmnet they are making and this is reflected in the way their wedding is planned, funded and the overal sense of mis-placed entitlement....

Suncream or a bottle of aftersun ffs you have spent enough time and money on their wedding. Hope you enjoy

Give them a card and a picture frame or something like that. It's the thought that counts after all.

cheeky wotsits. Not on at all to expect people to pay £400 for a suit! If you want something specific, you pay, if not then you have to accept if somebody chooses to hire something instead.

I didn't pay for my MOH's dress, but that's because I just said "wear something nice, whatever you want" so she wore her prom dress from a few years earlier! But then I also asked my DSDs, who were bridesmaids, to choose what they wore as well (obviously we paid for those).

Being pregnant means you have an excellent 'excuse' to get out of giving a lift to Groom. It is 100% reasonable to say you need the lift more and DH needs the holiday time saved up for after the baby comes. The best man or another usher can take him. Lie, if you have to, say you have an important scan and DH has to be there.

My DH carried 5 days holiday over, to help me after I had DS. I cannot express how much I needed him to help out in those first overwhelming sleep deprived months.