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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel totally ignorant about racism

347 replies

IcingandSlicing · 02/05/2016 09:24

In that topic the other day I've learned that I am totally ignorant about racism. I had no idea that comments about hair for example that could be totally not ill meant could strike such a deep chord among other people
Or is it the comment itself or the way it was made - by the tone of voice etc nonverbal information you get from people - that makes it racist?
Or just some comments people make regarding kids like cheeky monkey for epinstance (there are tees with this) could be seen as racist?
I'm at a lost to be honest.
I've probably offended many people without even knowing about it.
I'd assume that in 2016 people would feel equal no matter how they look and not take offense from random comments.
Aibu to think that I'd better keep away from black people in case I'd say something that would offend them? (I mean I can say whatever negative thing I want about blond haired people, red haired people, black haired people, people who colour their hair, people who don't colour their hair, people who have thin hair, people who have thick hair, etc, but I feel like with black people it's likely to strike a deeper chord than ever intended and I am ignorant enough not to understand the history behid that makes it worse.)
And sorry about that I really don't mean to offend. Just to understand. Flowers

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 03/05/2016 15:41

"................and just because I am black does NOT mean I can sing like Aretha Franklin, win marathons like Kipsang and be as stunning as Naomi Campbell grin"

I bet you've got a fantastic sense of rhythm though..............

reader77 · 03/05/2016 15:43

OP, all you need to do is ONE thing:

Have some empathy.

That's it. Don't overthink it.

Think how YOU would feel if you or your children were treated differently because of your heritage.

WriteforFun1 · 03/05/2016 15:47

Bertrand, people coming in and making jokes that many people won't get as jokes really doesn't help anyone.

Alisvolatpropiis · 03/05/2016 15:51

Bambini this is the case in Wales, where there was much less Norse influence. Lots of people as you describe here.

Charley50 · 03/05/2016 15:52

WriteforFun1 - I'm talking about having conversations, not firing questions at people in a judgmental manner, and coming up with rude responses. So when I say nosey/curious I just mean having an interesting two-way conversation about stuff in life; e.g. talking about rice dishes from around the world, or ways that parenting styles differ.

"Mmm. Not sure. If they ask "where are you from originally" and you can trace family back to England for centuries, can you see why that's odd?" --- I'm not sure what you mean by your question?

BertrandRussell · 03/05/2016 15:56

"Bertrand, people coming in and making jokes that many people won't get as jokes really doesn't help anyone."

Happy to apologise and withdraw if Kasalina objects even slightly. I thought she might find it mildly amusing.

BertrandRussell · 03/05/2016 15:57

Because jokes are allowed, you know. And you would have to have the brain of a peanut not to recognize what I said as a mild joke. And the OP appears to have left the thread.

WriteforFun1 · 03/05/2016 16:03

Bertrand "And you would have to have the brain of a peanut not to recognize what I said as a mild joke. "

no, the sort of person who doesn't get that joke or even know it's a joke is the sort who could - and I hope will - learn a lot from the thread, without being insulted.

this thread is a good chance to get a bit more clued up on what people find problematic and "othering". Some people have learned from it already, which is great. The OP isn't here but you don't know how many other confused people might be reading. The world doesn't consist entirely of a little ingroup who know all the jokes!

moonstruckl8 · 03/05/2016 16:04

thanks for those posts it explains the ballymurphy nigger comment even more i initially took it as a Twitter form of donning blackface. Hadn't realised the scale of anti Irish feeling back then and even now(?) that song was very eye opening wow herecome.
kal I also hate the assumption that being black means you will be a good singer/dancer/athlete, it might seem innocent and complimentary but it also smacks of 'go on entertain us since your here anyway'. Like our purpose in life is to be a performing monkey, i think the fact that music and sports are the two fields that you see black people most successful in is more for that It's allowed because they are entertaining than a racial superiority at it.

Kasalina24 · 03/05/2016 18:24

BertrandRussell Yes, I do- like my parents teaching white folks how to do the candy dance since 1984 big Grin

Bert did you watch Javen Prince?

FluffyPineapple · 03/05/2016 18:41

I haven't read all the replies but your post made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Racism doesn't only relate to "Black people". Racism Is when you say something derogatory about a person whose race differs from yours. For example - If you said "She is a fucking idiot!". That would be fine. But if you said "She is a fucking Black/Norwegian/Australian/Polish/ African idiot that would be seen as racist because you have made a derogatory remark about someone of a different race to yourself. Get it?

FluffyPineapple · 03/05/2016 18:53

" I haven't said anything.
It's a hypothetical situation after I read that thread. I'd imagine some of the offnesive comments could have been made in a totally innocent way. (Which apparently is not the case though.) It's how you take it.
People have said about my kids that they are cheeky monkeys many times but I never ever thought I could be offended of that. So I'd imagine I may say that for black people's kids and feel really bad if they are offended because I wouldn't mean it."

I was just looking through your replies. I saw this comment from you and have decided not to persue the rest. What exactly make you think of "Black Peoples Kids" when someone speaks of a child being a "Cheeky Monkey" OP??

Catvsworld · 03/05/2016 20:02

I also hate the way mixed raced children have been tunred into a fetish

Odds on any one who is black or has a mixed child themslefs the only thing they comment on is how lovey and light she is coffee cloured , tanned ect or her wee cute Afro Confused

In my whole life I would never deemed it ok to wAlk up to a white lady and say ohh look how lovey and white your child is ect but people feel mixed children are fair game it also gives her a privillage over her sister who is a lot darker and resembles a black girl more than a mixed sadly at 4 she is already starting to understand people think she is prettier because she is lighter

Alisvolatpropiis · 03/05/2016 20:16

Cat I've commented on how cute children are to their parents before. I live in quite a diverse area of my city so there are lots of mixed children as well as black/Asian/white children.

I've never commented on their skin colour, because I think that's a weird, very likely offensive, if not outright racist thing to do. I have commented on hair before though. Children of all races, I mean like "hasn't s/he got lovely hair", because some children really do.

Is that wrong? Seriously, I'm not being deliberately dickish.

drspouse · 03/05/2016 20:18

One of my two DCs is mixed race (not Afro-Caribbean but adopted so we aren't 100% sure of birth father's ethnicity), and we get loads and loads of comments on what lovely colouring etc. Nobody has EVER said my other DC who is white has a lovely skin colour.

drspouse · 03/05/2016 20:21

Cross posted - lots of people DO however say our other DC has lovely blonde hair.
Hairdresser today was asking where the non-blonde DC got dark hair from, I said "oh my hair isn't naturally this blonde colour".

BeverlyGoldberg · 03/05/2016 20:23

Is cheeky monkey racist? I call my DD this all the time and I just thought it meant being like a cheeky chimp and mischievous like monkeys are. I'll be so sad if this is deemed offensive.

Alisvolatpropiis · 03/05/2016 20:29

I don't think, in and of itself, cheeky monkey is racist Beverly. However as a white person, I wouldn't use it in reference to a child with brown skin (whether they're black, Asian, mixed) because it just feels like it could be received badly, understandably so.

Catvsworld · 03/05/2016 20:39

Alisvolatpropiis

The rule of thumb is if it's not somthing you would mention to one of your white friends or Somone white with children then why would you mention it in any other child or to any other parent

So I may say to a child who is white I love your bunches but I would also say that to a mixed child or a black one I would say to a white child oh your hair is so straight can I touch it

I also would say to a mother or a white child God your child is so white look how pale or tanned they are its just odd it's almost as if people get nervous and then get racial tarets I also would never link a child's colouring to how pretty they are

My dd had a lady say to her her your so brown and light you will have all the boys after youHmm

Bambambini · 03/05/2016 20:39

Beverly - are you black, are your kids black or are you just being funny? Have you really never heard of black folk being called monkeys or apes etc as a slur? You might no mean any harm but it might be best to steer clear or terms that can be used against them.

Catvsworld · 03/05/2016 20:44

Wouldnt that is Blush

Catvsworld · 03/05/2016 20:46

I was called a money on a bus in Belfast in 2013 the child was making money noise and saying that women looks like a monkey ma no one said anything having lived in London all my life I was so shoxked I couldn't even open my mouth

I also used to get bananas th won at me by the boys at lunch time when I was at school also told to go home and called a paki when I pointed out I was black they said no matter your all the same

Alisvolatpropiis · 03/05/2016 20:47

I get what you're saying Catvsworld. I think I have avoided being That Person, based on what you've said. Whilst obviously I see colour, I don't make value judgments based on it.

I once had a friend who described Rihanna as "pretty for a black girl", which made me reconsider our friendship sharpish. To me, that isn't a normal thing to say and suggests the person is racist.

Catvsworld · 03/05/2016 20:55

"................and just because I am black does NOT mean I can sing like Aretha Franklin, win marathons like Kipsang and be as stunning as Naomi Campbell grin"

I bet you've got a fantastic sense of rhythm though..............
this

Tired of people assuming my son likes football and is into rap because he is black

He dose like rap but he also likes other music currently listing to Rick Ashley at the moment blasting down the hallway

And also what really fucks me off when other people accuse others of talking balck what the fuck dose that mean it's not a laguange or thinking that this "youth" speak is senomous with being black when in fact in London pretty much all teenagers speak like you get me brov white , balck and Asian it's not a black thing it's a teenage idiot thing my family members who are above 20 certainly don't talk like that

If my nan called me brov I think I may fall down laughing

FluffyPineapple · 03/05/2016 20:58

Catvworld. What happened to you was absolutely racist. However a child being called " A cheeky monkey" without the racist slurs is not a racist comment. All kids can be considered to be Cheeky Monkeys - no matter what their race

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