Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Oh sister wants to bring partner to stay

55 replies

Unruly · 01/05/2016 15:42

AIBU. My oh sister wants to bring her boyfriend to stay,none of us have met him he's from America they met on Xbox. I have two dc and would never encourage them to talk to people online. Oh sister has only met him once nearly 12 mths ago, he stayed with her and in-laws and wasn't able to share a room. I have little room and they would have to share. Oh thinks it's fine but he may not actually be here and I feel uncomfortable about it all.

OP posts:
Becky546 · 01/05/2016 15:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Toffeecrispy · 01/05/2016 15:47

I think its your house, your rules.

Im new to mumsnet what does Oh mean?

Original poster
Unruly · 01/05/2016 15:47

The weekend,won't have met him at all.

OP posts:
WonkoTheSane42 · 01/05/2016 15:48

How old is your sister in law and how old is the boyfriend? Are you assuming the relationship isn't serious because it's long distance? How do you plan to enforce the no talking to people on the internet idea in the 21st century?

Original poster
Unruly · 01/05/2016 15:48

Other half Smile

OP posts:
curren · 01/05/2016 15:50

So she has met him and being with him a year. Personally I think Yabu. But it's a decision you and your dh have to come to

ImperialBlether · 01/05/2016 15:50

Why can't they stay in a Travel Lodge or similar?

ImperialBlether · 01/05/2016 15:50

So is this the first time they will have slept together? Wouldn't they want privacy?

Original poster
Unruly · 01/05/2016 15:52

The sister in law is 22 but very immature for her age,and doesn't have any friends where she lives. They only talk online. I don't intend for my dc to not talk to friends just not complete strangers, I monitor that.

OP posts:
BoogieTime · 01/05/2016 15:54

Oh sister?

WonkoTheSane42 · 01/05/2016 15:57

My point is that people meet people online these days. As someone who met their partner of 12 years online, 7 of which were spent in long distance hell, it winds me up when people consider long distance relationships somehow less serious or worthy. It's actually quite a bit harder to maintain a long distance relationship than one where you can see each other whenever you like. If you'd let her boyfriend of a year stay with you if he lived in this country, I don't see why you shouldn't let a long distance boyfriend stay.

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 01/05/2016 16:00

Why are you asking strangers on the internet about it? That's what weirdos do. Hmm

Original poster
Unruly · 01/05/2016 16:00

It's not that they are in a long distance relationship,it's that I feel uncomfortable with someone staying in my house I don't know and haven't met before.

OP posts:
Footle · 01/05/2016 16:02

Well then say no.

edwardsmum11 · 01/05/2016 16:04

Boogie Other Half's Sister

IfTheCapFitsWearIt · 01/05/2016 16:06

WonkoTheSane42 I don't think the problem is they met online, more sister is immature, has only met person once herself, and he is a complete stranger to the OP and she has children to think about.

If it were me and I didn't have DC, I'd have no problem with him staying with my dh, me and her. But as I have DC I wouldn't let a stranger stay.

WonkoTheSane42 · 01/05/2016 16:08

It's not that they are in a long distance relationship,it's that I feel uncomfortable with someone staying in my house I don't know and haven't met before.

That would be fair enough, but then why bring up how they met, how often they've met face to face, and your policies on policing your kids' internet use if it was nothing to do with it being a relationship facilitated by the internet?

bittapitta · 01/05/2016 16:08

Some strange replies here - the online aspect is irrelevant. The OP hasn't met this man who has been invited to stay at the same house as her and her children - The OPs own house no les!. I'd say no OP, he can stay elsewhere with/without your sister in law, but I wouldn't want a stranger staying in my house.

WhereYouLeftIt · 01/05/2016 16:11

So your partner's 22-year old sister, has been talking to an American online for ?over a year? who she has met only once nearly a year ago. How long was this 'once', since he stayed at your in-laws - an hour, a week, what?

You describe her as immature for her age with no local friends, which suggests this American chap has more importance to her than he would otherwise.

Why is she coming to visit? Because if it was so they had somewhere they could share a room, they could bog off - my home is nobody's shag-pad.

Honestly, I don't care how much they talk over the Xbox, they're essentially pen-friends or a holiday romance, and he is a total stranger to you. She is as likely to have been groomed as she is to have an actual real relationship with this man. I'd be happy for her to bring him around to my home to meet us and have tea/dinner, but not to stay. They could book themselves into a B&B.

BackforGood · 01/05/2016 16:16

I think YABU
but
As you say I feel uncomfortable with someone staying in my house I don't know and haven't met before then there's your answer. However, if you are living some distance from family or friends, then there's always a time when someone comes for the first time with their new(ish) partner that you haven't met. Do you apply this rule to everyone or specifically to your sister, or just specifically because he's mm]American ? Hmm
Personally, I'd be pleased to get to know someone that my sister had been in a relationship for for that long, and chuffed he was willing to take time from his visit to the UK to meet my family too.

EatShitDerek · 01/05/2016 16:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whitershadeofpale · 01/05/2016 16:18

The online aspect isn't irrelevant at all. I'm online dating and have been in relationships where we've met online before. However, I'm very aware that until you're having face to face contact regularly you can't be sure of what they're really like and how much they tell you is true.

I would never dream of inviting someone I'd met once to stay with family, particularly with young children. It's massively inappropriate, if she feels like she knows and trusts him well enough then she should get a hotel.

redskytonight · 01/05/2016 16:19

So you'd never have someone to stay you'd never met before? No matter how long they had been with the relative/friend you knew very well? So when you have relatives/friends that live some distance away and really have to stay overnight - when exactly will you be meeting their new partners for the first time? If I was your relative/friend and would normally stay with you, I'd be pretty pissed off tbh.

MrsRyanGosling15 · 01/05/2016 16:21

Eatshit I think it's clear she is talking about not letting her children speak to strangers online, which I think it's quite normal. She on the other hand is an adult who can do as she wants online. Op I wouldn't let a stranger stay in my house.

icklekid · 01/05/2016 16:28

It depends if you trust your sil judgement. My cousin and her partner came and stayed this weekend despite the fact I'd never met her bf. They have been together a long time, other family have met him and I had no concerns over ds.