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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to tell off snobby friend?

74 replies

springtimevintagedream · 01/05/2016 09:15

Not sure how to deal with this.

Friend is lovely but, in all honesty is quite snobby! I was with her yesterday (and some others) and there were a few comments along the lines of -

'I don't want to go there, it's a horrible part of town'
Refusing to send her daughter to preschool somewhere with 'chavvy' parents
Stating quite matter-of-factly that smoking was 'so lower class' (this one was with a touch of irony in fairness.)

Would you say something to her or just let her get on with it?

OP posts:
OurBlanche · 01/05/2016 09:17

"And now... unclench!

Or similar... every time, perhaps Smile

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 01/05/2016 09:18

I have no problem with her first statement. Sounds like common sense to me.

I have no friends who use the term "chavvy". (It's a term I find used almost exclusively by people who might be seen as "chavvy" (if that's a term you find appropriate in your vernacular- I don't) themselves.

Smoking is minging whoever does it.

What did you say?

edwardsmum11 · 01/05/2016 09:18

Personally I'd just give her 'the look'.

hownottofuckup · 01/05/2016 09:21

Say what though? Really you needed to say something at the time of it bothered you that much.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 01/05/2016 09:22

YWBVU to tell another adult off for sending her dd to the pre school of her choice, not wanting to go to certain places and making an ironic comment.

Original poster
springtimevintagedream · 01/05/2016 09:22

It was the middle of the day, though, Later, to visit a supermarket, not walking through the Bronx unaccompanied Grin

I probably should have said something there and then though.

OP posts:
LadyMaryofDownt0n · 01/05/2016 09:25

Gosh I think I might be your friend, I would say all those things. Then again I freely admit to being a snob.

Superhumancrew · 01/05/2016 09:27

It would piss me off too, hearing someone one talk like that makes me physically cringe, it implies that they think of themselves/their family as some how superior to others which is fucking daft tbh. So ywnba to retort, in most the examples you've given a simple "no it's/they're not" would probably do!

Ginmakesitallok · 01/05/2016 09:28

It's a fact that smoking rates are much higher in deprived areas. That's not what makes it disgusting though.

If she was a friend then I would have said something along the lines of "God x, you sound like such a snobby cow at times!"

Wishfulmakeupping · 01/05/2016 09:30

Me too Mary Grin

MorrisZapp · 01/05/2016 09:31

I can't really see much wrong with her comments. I avoid rough/ dangerous areas too. I want my kid to be schooled amongst kids whose parents prioritise education. And smoking is more prevalent amongst those on lower incomes, it's also disgusting.

Birdsgottafly · 01/05/2016 09:33

Are there any issues with 'that part of town'?

There's Soft Plays and Parks, I avoid, even when Ivwas only out with my dog. I tend to go later in the day to my local country park, there's less people stinking of weed and swearing at their kids.

My DD is considering where to live, based on the school that her DD will have to attend. My youngest didn't have much of a choice, because of SN, her unit was attached to a Primary, where the Police had to be regularly called to break up fights between Parents etc. I wouldn't have sent my child there, the teachers were fighting a losing battle and it took teaching time away from the children whose Parents wanted them to get an education.
I speak as someone who lives in a HA house, in a rough bit of Liverpool, it's 'deprived' but not Scummy were I live.

Birdsgottafly · 01/05/2016 09:35

""it implies that they think of themselves/their family as some how superior to others ""

I don't think it does. It means that you recognise that there's people who live, in a way that you you wouldn't dream of and you won't be dragged down to that level.

AyeAmarok · 01/05/2016 09:35

The only comment I think she's wrong in saying is the second one, but I despise the word "chavvy".

Whatamuckingfuddle · 01/05/2016 09:38

Agree with thenlater about users of the word 'chavvy'. The rest of the comments, meh, admittedly I can be a bit of a snob but I can't see the issue.

mrsmeerkat · 01/05/2016 09:39

I really don't like snobbery as I came from a very rough council estate and I did very well, was raised well. Went to a posh school and live in a middle class area and I am still ME.

Eliza22 · 01/05/2016 09:43

I used to work as a community nurse in a socially deprived and high crime area. I worked there but would not choose to go there socially. It would not be safe. Fact. Doesn't make me a snob. YABU

I walk past our local school and see pupils smoking on their way home. Looks "common" to me. My opinion. I grew up in a smoking household. To me, it's a bit "rough". YABU

Chavvy? I don't judge people by what they're wearing. I do judge by what people DO, how they BEHAVE. YANBU

Gwenhwyfar · 01/05/2016 09:45

I live in a low-income area (and yes, there's plenty of smoking) and I would be offended if someone said they didn't want to come here in the middle of the day. It's not full of gangsters shooting people.

BlueJug · 01/05/2016 09:48

YABU as you simply don't see your own snobbishness with not "approving" of several fairly innocuous comments that a supposed friend has made.

Your post is saying that you are in fact better than she is as you would not comment on a "horrible" part of town but only on the utterances of the people you are with.

Essentially we all choose friends, schools, habits and where we choose to live and be based on what we think is nice.

Most people spend as much as they can afford to live in a "nice" area, would not go to a "horrible" area by choice, (however you define that), and want the best school for our kids. Does not make anyone snobby.

sharknad0 · 01/05/2016 09:49

I wouldn't use the word "chavvy" but let's be honest, we all think the same. All parents are careful about what pre-school and school they send their kids to. We just judge them by different and very individual standards, but we all do.

We both work like crazy to afford a good lifestyle in a good neighborhood, where the schools are lovely, lots of green space, kids are happy, have access to all the activities and trips they can dream off, and have excellent exam results. I wouldn't dream of sending my kids to a preschool or school from a neglected area, I would be mad!

I can't think of any parent who would behave differently!

limitedperiodonly · 01/05/2016 10:21

Go on OP, give her a lecture. You know you want to.

roarfeckingroar · 01/05/2016 11:03

Christ you would hate me.

Original poster
springtimevintagedream · 01/05/2016 11:11

I don't hate her, so i don't know why some of you are saying 'you would hate me' I just thought some of the things she said were out of order.

OP posts:
Merd · 01/05/2016 12:02

If she's a friend, of course you should raise it with her. Like any other subject.

witsender · 01/05/2016 13:31

I'm a snob, I admit it. I don't vocalise it though and wouldn't say chav. I don't seek how you can tell another adult off for a view you disagree with, or dislike.