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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to tell off snobby friend?

74 replies

springtimevintagedream · 01/05/2016 09:15

Not sure how to deal with this.

Friend is lovely but, in all honesty is quite snobby! I was with her yesterday (and some others) and there were a few comments along the lines of -

'I don't want to go there, it's a horrible part of town'
Refusing to send her daughter to preschool somewhere with 'chavvy' parents
Stating quite matter-of-factly that smoking was 'so lower class' (this one was with a touch of irony in fairness.)

Would you say something to her or just let her get on with it?

OP posts:
A4Document · 01/05/2016 13:39

I want my kid to be schooled amongst kids whose parents prioritise education.

That doesn't require living in a naice area or being wealthy. People with lower incomes want a decent education for their children too.

A4Document · 01/05/2016 13:41

It means that you recognise that there's people who live, in a way that you you wouldn't dream of and you won't be dragged down to that level.

"won't be dragged down" does imply superiority.

GreaseIsNotTheWord · 01/05/2016 13:47

I want my kid to be schooled amongst kids whose parents prioritise education

That doesn't require living in a naice area or being wealthy. People with lower incomes want a decent education for their children too

Ah, if only that was universally true. We used to live in a massively deprived area. And I can assure you that a lot of the parents didn't give a fuck about supporting the school or community (evidenced by 3 out of 400 parents turning out to extra school activity day things). I wouldn't send my dc there for anything.

Original poster
springtimevintagedream · 01/05/2016 14:03

Hello. Thanks for your replies.

Just one comment I'd overlook, but her general attitude is that there are two 'types' of people and she definitely wants nothing to do with the second type.

I don't think she's a bad person.

OP posts:
Toffeecrispy · 01/05/2016 14:11

If it bothers you then you could say something.
I use to live in what some consider a bad part of town but everything was cheap and of same quality as the posher parts, such as fried rice was 3.50 up there for a large portion now where i am which is a posher part of town same rice is 5.00 and for a smaller box. Annoying.

limitedperiodonly · 01/05/2016 14:21

I don't think she's a bad person

That's because you're too nice. She sounds like a very bad person to me, IMHO

Original poster
springtimevintagedream · 01/05/2016 17:02

No, she's just a bit ditsy I think and doesn't realise quite how things sound.

OP posts:
BeauGlacons · 01/05/2016 17:15

I prefer to spend time in nice places. I'd say x is lovely let's go there.

I'd say I wanted the children to attend a preschool rated outstanding by Ofsted and a school as high up my area's league tables as I could get.

I'd say I'd prefer not to have to inhale second handcsmoke for health reasons.

Exactly the same as your friend but put positively rather than negatively. She needs to work on her communication skills.

Original poster
springtimevintagedream · 01/05/2016 17:39

Beau, this is exactly the point - we were nipping into a supermarket and she wouldn't go to 'that one' because of its location.

She doesn't want her children to meet 'chavvy' types, it's nothing to do with ofsted or the other facilities on option at the preschool.

OP posts:
A4Document · 01/05/2016 17:47

I'd say I'd prefer not to have to inhale second handcsmoke for health reasons.

Smoking is banned in public places though Confused

Original poster
springtimevintagedream · 01/05/2016 17:51

Well, yes and no, A4; it isn't banned at (e.g.) bus stops, high streets, outside in Starbucks, these are all public.

OP posts:
A11TheSmallTh1ngs · 01/05/2016 18:01

Being completely honest, I want my kids in the best pre school possible. And that includes the general values of the people there.

Children are heavily influenced by their peers. I want their peers to value education and things like not getting pregnant and going to university as much I do. It's almost arrogance to say that "my kids will be fine because they're awesome". I don't think my kids are perfect special snowflakes and so I am being more risk averse by putting them in a good school. It takes more parental humility to recognize the risk of failure than to always assume success.

ThisCakeFilledIsle · 01/05/2016 18:11

Lower class is a judgemental phrase and if she used it any way near seriously would mean she'd be my pal no longer!

Sharknado we probably don't all think the same.

BeauGlacons · 01/05/2016 20:25

I didn't say that what I'd say was 200% what I meant. I suspect your friend does want the very best for her dc but isn't sophisticated enough ti dress it up nicely. We pulled DS out of a state primary because we didn't feel they were fully meeting his needs. Translation: "we pulled him out because it wasn't good enough and expectations were too low.". But you wouldn't say that publicly only anonymously on MNet

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 01/05/2016 20:33

I was brought up working class and mix with middle class mums. Comments like that would hurt me. I have dropped people for similar.

FuckyMcFuckFace · 01/05/2016 20:36

I think YABU. The stuff she has said isn't that bad.

I'm not a snob as such but I and others I know use the term chav or chavvy. I live in a moderately rough area, DCs went to the local nursery and I couldn't wait until youngest left, it got rough as hell. Their school is a faith one in a rough area and it was mainly used by children out of area or those nearby who didn't want to send their DCs to the other schools here, they are pretty rough. The last year though more locals are using it and it has made it look rougher and to an extent, chavvy. I and my friends at school admit we wouldn't socialise with the rougher ones. They are the ones always swearing, being very OTT loud and generally gobby and smoking at the gate. I have no issue saying they aren't my type of people as I'm not theirs. They can think I'm a snob all they like. I couldn't give a flying fuck tbh.

usual · 01/05/2016 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usual · 01/05/2016 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FuckyMcFuckFace · 01/05/2016 20:58

Grin usual. I don't swear in front of any children and I don't want any posts to be used by the DM. Consensus was sweary usernames wouldn't get screenshotted (ok so that's not a word but don't know how else to put it). I have no issue with swearing, I do with people swearing at and in front of their children.

BadDoGooder · 01/05/2016 21:03

Fucky you do realise the massive irony in your post, judging others for swearing?!

Chavvy is totally out of line btw, it's an insult and a mean sneery one at that.
It means Council Housed and Violent, so whenever you point out someone because of how they are dressed/behaving, you are accusing them of being violent, and why the fuck is council housing a bad thing?

We need more of it, not less.

I live in the roughest part of my town, I don't actually have a choice, but I love it anyway.
Sure people are rougher round the edges (and smoke!) but the kids all play put together and there's a great sense of community.

Yeah some of them might not value education, but I can counter that at home, but most people just want what they think is best for their children, even if they swear a bit too muc. I think its more important for DS to learn to live with lots of different types of people, and not be so bloody judgemental.

No wonder it's so easy for the government to demonize benefits claimants/council tenants with some of the attitudes demonstrated on this thread Hmm

OP YADNBU, I would have called her out there and then. Hate snobbery.

BadDoGooder · 01/05/2016 21:04

X post Fucky sorry!! I retract my comment! Grin

Tiggeryoubastard · 01/05/2016 21:31

You having lower standards doesn't make her a snob.
And smoking, whatever 'class' you are, is common and skanky and nasty.

Gwenhwyfar · 01/05/2016 22:10

"It means Council Housed and Violent"

No, it comes from the Romany word for man and probably from the way Romanies (gypsies) were looked down on.
I agree with you that it's offensive.

ilovesooty · 01/05/2016 22:22

I simply wouldn't want to associate any more with someone who used the words chav / chavvy.

Original poster
springtimevintagedream · 01/05/2016 22:23

It's a horrible word, sooty, I was surprised at her using it and surprised so many here are OK with it.

OP posts: