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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hosp app vs Funeral

137 replies

SurroMummy13 · 30/04/2016 07:57

I have PCOS and been waiting ages to get an app, to finally get medication to assist my PCOS.

I've had the app booked for 2 weeks, it's in another 3 weeks.

Yesterday I found out the date of FIL's funeral. Same date. Within an hour of each other. The hosp app is in my home town, and the funeral is 2.5 hours drive away.

Called hosp to request to change date, they said next app I could have is middle of June. So nearly 6 weeks away.

I didn't change anything yet but honestly don't know what to do.

Funeral will last 20 mins (cremation) and there's no 'do' afterwards. Be driving 5 hours total (if no traffic) for a 20 min service. My daughter isn't going, so will have to organise and pay for childcare.

The hosp app will really make a difference to my health and wellbeing. Won't have to pay for childcare and I can take her with me, won't have 5hour drive.

I know I'm probably being selfish but I just can't justify spending £30 on fuel, £45 on childcare. For a 20 min service of someone who I wasn't keen on. And pushing back an app I've been waiting months to get.

OH will go either way, he has his own car so he's not relying on me.

OP posts:
WordGetsAround · 30/04/2016 08:42

I think it's got to be the funeral!

Original poster
SurroMummy13 · 30/04/2016 08:42

Tbh the costs are very relevant when it's ME forking out for them, not him. He won't even offer to help with the costs.

He doesn't want our daughter there so won't budge on the childcare.

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 30/04/2016 08:42

I think you should go to the funeral and pay your last respects.
You said you've been in pain for years so another few weeks for an appointment won't make a huge amount of difference.

Lunar1 · 30/04/2016 08:45

It's not about your fil, it's about supporting your husband who had lost a parent. It's even more important when they had a difficult relationship. I couldn't look as dh the same way ever again if he let me down like this.

Ring the hospital daily for a cancellation.

Ruthiesj · 30/04/2016 08:46

Do you even like your OH? You sound quite resentful of the ways he behaves around his family and you clearly have some issues regarding finances.

WeAllHaveWings · 30/04/2016 08:47

100% I would be there for my dh. His father was an alcoholic whom dh had not seen for a couple of years when he died, but the funeral still hit him surprisingly hard though he hid it well.

Original poster
SurroMummy13 · 30/04/2016 08:47

Sounds fair, I'll get him to cover costs of fuel and childcare.

OP posts:
Deux · 30/04/2016 08:48

Good grief. I'm surprised you have to even ask. What on earth are you thinking? Of course your husband's father's funeral takes priority.

Original poster
SurroMummy13 · 30/04/2016 08:49

Of course I like my OH.

I haven't got nearly £100 spare though. How's that anything to do with liking him?

OP posts:
redexpat · 30/04/2016 08:49

In your position I'd go to the hospital. There is more to supporting a grieving spouse than going to the funeral. Assuming that your DP is OK with it. He will have support at the funeral from the rest of his family.

dementedpixie · 30/04/2016 08:50

I don't see why your daughter can't be there. He can sort out the childcare if he really wants you to go without her.

petalsandstars · 30/04/2016 08:50

He doesn't want your child there but won't contribute to childcare? Or your costs to get there if you have to take your own car? I think there's bigger issues here - is he always this crap or is he just not thinking straight through grief?

Penfold007 · 30/04/2016 08:52

Why wouldn't you be going in your H's car with him?

Bearlyknitted · 30/04/2016 08:52

Is this a reverse???

Writerwannabe83 · 30/04/2016 08:52

Do you even like your DP

I also questioned the same.

I can't believe his dad has died and your complaining about how long it will take to the funeral and the costs incurred and how you're going to make sure he forks out for them!

I'm honestly gobsmacked by this thread.

winewolfhowls · 30/04/2016 08:54

Go to hospital.

Original poster
SurroMummy13 · 30/04/2016 08:54

He doesn't want her there incase she causes a fuss. She's 3.

And I'm a very bad passenger, I shake and am a nervous wreck - so don't go in someone else's car.

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 30/04/2016 08:55

Would you not be travelling together then?

Divathecat · 30/04/2016 08:55

Unless you are booked in for surgery you don't know that this appointment will improve your health.

Go to the funeral

WeAllHaveWings · 30/04/2016 08:55

FFS your dh, the man you allegedly love, has lost a parent. He is grieving and vulnerable and you are seriously more worried about how much it will cost you to attend his dad's funeral than wanting to be there to support him.

you really can't see the significance of this can you?

dementedpixie · 30/04/2016 08:56

Who cares if she causes a fuss. Small children can actually help as a distraction at sad times. Can you not drive and have him as a passenger?

Caffeinator · 30/04/2016 08:56

I'd go to the funeral, no question.

Ankleswingers · 30/04/2016 08:56

YABU and should definitely go to the funeral.

No offence meant but if you've waited ages for an appointment then surely waiting another six weeks isn't a problem . For the sake of your FIL's funeral?

You are definitely being unreasonable.

Original poster
SurroMummy13 · 30/04/2016 08:57

Writerwannabe - so I can magically pull around £100 out my backside because of the circumstances?

That's awesome to know, when my gran falls ill again (she's 6 hour drive away) I'll be sure to remember this trick so I can get to her without worry over finances!.

OP posts:
Original poster
SurroMummy13 · 30/04/2016 08:58

I can see the significance.

OP posts:
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