to be able to eat my lunch without comments at work?

[Lunch123]

I am getting really fed up lately with my line managers comments about what I eat.

She is constantly criticising no matter what I eat. I usually have salads most days. She criticises the repetitiveness of what I eat and burst out with laughter yesterday because I was eating a bag of salad leaves. I have tried eating away from my desk but we do not have have facilities because of construction work taking place. Sometimes I have to work through my lunch too so eat at my desk.

If I eat chocolate or something sweet she takes much pride in pointing it out and then saying I am not sharing it. She doesn't share anything sweet that she has.

Worst bit is that she is also HR. She is very friendly with people in HR higher too so I can't pursue this. I have seen another complaint about her quashed because of her connections.

The weather has been so bad lately so can't eat outside either. Her comment are getting worse and I am not sure what to do or how to handle it.

Thing is she may not be aware that she's doing it echt or indeed that others find it offensive.

When I told my manager that I didn't enjoy his comments his reaction was that he was sorry and he thought he was being funny and did not intend to upset me and that was the end of it and indeed of any future remarks about my p/t working.

From earlier in the thread I think the fact that the LM is overweight is a bit of a red herring. She could be commenting on what OP wears or how she sits in her seat, doesn't matter what it is but if OP doesn't like it and it's not related to her work performance, then it should stop.

Personally I would give the LM the chance by having the private conversation before going nuclear with it, which will have repercussions for OP as well as LM. If that doesn't work then at least she has documented that she tried but LM refused to take it on board.

I wouldn't go down the funny responses line as that in a way is legitimising the LM's behaviour and may make it worse rather than better. Also LM might feel that OP is laughing at her which could be bad for overall work relations.

I work with a woman like this. She is obsessed with the fact that if biscuits are offered at a meeting, I'll have one (or two or three).

I eat healthy meals, I'm slim, it doesn't occur to me not to have a couple of biscuits during a boring meeting once a bloody week. Yet she comments EVERY time: 'ooh, greedy pig!' 'I dont know how you stay so slim the way you eat' 'ooh, watch the biscuits around Adora' etc

I ignore. She is obviously bored and food obsessed and a bit mean.

It doesn't matter whether the LM is aware or or not, the OP needs to react and record: this person is her line manager, and has a record of quashing complaints against her.

Now I think of it, anyone in HR who does not see this behaviour as out of order should be shown the door.

She obviously has food issues so I wouldn't want to be unkind.
But I would be upfront and say 'you are making me feel uncomfortable, i'm sure you don't mean to but could you please stop commenting on my food'.

Maybe via email so you'd have a record and it won't be in front of others? Fire it off straight after her next comment.

I have known people to do this in the office and have had it done to me. It's always without fail been because the person they are criticising is slimmer and it annoys them.

When I used to be slimmer I couldn't win. Eat a salad (I don't like sandwiches) and I was 'eating rabbit food' or 'not eating enough calories to survive' etc
Eat a big lunch or one of the birthday Krispy kremes people used to bring in and if never hear the end of it.

At one place I used to work everyone seemed to be on a constant diet but ate shit loads of biscuits.

People used to ask me why I was so skinny. Because I don't eat a whole fucking packet of biscuits each day!!

Just ignore. Smile and ignore.

One of my old colleagues started eating healthier and going on the cross trainer each night for 20 mins.
Lost loads of weight and looked fantastic and toned.

Two of the women just really picked on her and what she ate and said she had an eating disorder. She didn't.
They ever told hr they were 'concerned' about her when she had been off sick for couple of days with flu.
They thought it was evidence that she was anorexic or some shit.
She was how army perfectly healthy and looked great.

Funnily enough though we later found out one of them was bulimic...

I agree echt that OP needs to record.

I just feel that her case will be much stronger if she has spoken to LM and has evidence of that, as if she doesn't it will be the first thing they ask.

There is also the chance that it might stop the behaviour.

It means that if OP raises it with LM, if LM persists OP can send email "As per our 121 on xx/xx/xx I'd appreciate it if you don't mention what I eat at lunchtime as it makes me feel uncomfortable", repeated each time it happens. Far harder for HR to bat off a complaint that has been raised with LM and much stronger case for Op to say that she raised her concern at her 121 and as documented the LM continued in the behaviour. Also there is the chance that LM might put something incriminating in email " Oh can't you take a joke Mrs skinnymilinkins" that could be useful to confirm the behaviour as well.

I have to say though as a rounded person it is infuriating when it's usually the skinniest person that you see chomping their way through a Big Mac or Krispy Kreme.

I am however old and polite enough to never comment on anyone's eating behaviour or weight loss/gain unless they bring it up themselves. I also know that the thin person eating the bacon roll at 8am is unlikely to feel hungry at lunchtime and will self regulate accordingly unlike me who starts salivating Pavlov's dog like the minute the clock strikes 12.00.

As you say she is morbidly obese and you are a size ten, then I suspect she is jealous or upset as perhaps she wants to be a size 10 too but just can't achieve it for whatever reason. It must be annoying for you having those comments everyday, I get that, but I would feel a bit sorry for her on the basis that she is that occupied with what your eating. I wonder if she is trying and failing to diet or something?
Sorry I can't advise you what to do other than try to ignore it, blatantly or change the topic as soon as it arises?

I would go down the neutral route of saying do you mind not making comments about what I'm eating as it makes me uncomfortable. If she doesn't stop then send an email saying, I did ask you a couple of weeks ago to stop talking about my food, please stop. You can then decide whether to take it further.

The person may not realise how they come accros because they may feel that everyone is as obsessed with food as they are.

I am ashamed to say that I have been exactly that person. I was commenting on the lunch of the person who shared my office. She asked me if she could have a word and told me she felt uncomfortable about me talking about her lunch . I wasn't offended and it certainly made me stop. I was just embarrassed to have been doing in the first place . I was not obsessed with food, just had no idea how to make friends at all and was incompetently trying to find some connection or something to talk about. My family talks a lot about food so that might have been why I hit on that. I've just been diagnosed with autistic spectrum disorder, so beginning to understand why am so crap at communicating with people, for example picking even up that she was uncomfortable about the discussion without needing to be told. I never discuss what people are eating in the office. That was some years ago in a previous job. It makes me cry realising from this thread how bad what I did was.
I hope if I was doing something similar now in place I volunteer someone would have a quiet word about it.

Please at least initially don't go in harshly, formally or sarcastically, though you definitely could make it more formal later.

The trouble is if you tell people something like this annoys you they feel that is a massive victory for them and they are absolutely delighted they have got under your skin. I suspect the best answer is to try not to let yourself be upset by her comments. If she says why are you eating salad (I eat lots of salad from bags all the time by the way) just say - you shoudl be eating this. It's a good way to feel healthy and good. Why aren't you eating salad today? How strange you aren't.

Oh, Singa, don't be ashamed. You learned from that experience and it has helped you with other conversations with people, so that is awesome.

Laura that is a good point. She is likely to do it more. Once I said I was annoyed about the way my name is pronounced so now she mocks me with it. In a very joking manner of course

A few people have said I need to be kind to her. This has gone on for for 2 years. I haven't responded negatively. I just wonder about the uproar though if I commented on her food choices. She has eaten pretty unhealthily at times and huge amounts too. I have seen eat a plate of cakes.

Today I ate my lunch while she was at a meeting. I drink bottled sparkling water. Maybe one a day. She will say to me 'how many of those do you have a day?' in a shocked sort of tone. Does it matter? She would be greatly offended if I said the same to her to when she munches her way through a packet of crisps

This would really piss me off...its bad enough when my kids comment on what i eat....a work colleague doing it would get told to mind their own business.
On another note i have friends doing slimming world and am sick and tired of every conversation revolving around syns etc....so fucking boring x

' you're obsessed with what I eat ' should shut her up.

It looks like she's trying to take away the limelight from herself regarding food and put it in you.

Say something.

Do you work with other people around? If so, I would say calmly, loudly and clearly: "Actually, [name], I would like you to stop commentating on everything I eat. It makes me feel really self-conscious and uncomfortable and there's really no need."

If she does it again, email her reiterating: "As we discussed yesterday, I'd appreciate it if you could stop remarking on everything I eat. It isn't relevant to my work, and it makes me feel uncomfortable. You may not realise that you do this every day, but I have and so have others on the team. I'm sure you don't mean any harm but it makes for a tense atmosphere in the office as people brace themselves for your remarks. So if you could try to reign it in, that would be great."

And then you have an email trail if you need to go to her manager.

I feel for you, I really do. Once had a colleague who used to comment on when I went to the toilet, if anyone else went at the same time ("You two, always going to the toilet together!" - no) etc. It makes you feel totally shitty to be scrutinised all the time, and it's a form of territory marking/harassment, at its worst.

Once I said I was annoyed about the way my name is pronounced so now she mocks me with it.

That is bullying!

Maybe you could try responding with a question every time? So rather than her 'putting you on the spot' its right back on her, to make her uncomfortable.

so "Good lord is that all you're having for lunch again?" is met with:

"Do you have a problem with that?" "Is my lunch a problem for you?" "Can you explain why you're so interested in my lunch?" "Is my lunch making you uncomfortable?" "Am I not supposed to be eating in here?" "Sorry can you explain why my lunch is an issue for you?" etc

I am a wuss so would say all this super polite and sweetly, 'genuinely puzzled and interested' but try to make the questions about HER.

But if you can manage it you should probably say specifically that it makes you uncomfortable (with witnesses) so she can't ever pretend she doesn't know. I just don't know if I'd have the guts, but I should probably take a leaf out of other MNers book and woman up a bit when my work colleagues p* me off (I have ended up having meltdowns instead because I didn't nip things in the bud... )