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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be able to eat my lunch without comments at work?

144 replies

Lunch123 · 29/04/2016 17:12

I am getting really fed up lately with my line managers comments about what I eat.

She is constantly criticising no matter what I eat. I usually have salads most days. She criticises the repetitiveness of what I eat and burst out with laughter yesterday because I was eating a bag of salad leaves. I have tried eating away from my desk but we do not have have facilities because of construction work taking place. Sometimes I have to work through my lunch too so eat at my desk.

If I eat chocolate or something sweet she takes much pride in pointing it out and then saying I am not sharing it. She doesn't share anything sweet that she has.

Worst bit is that she is also HR. She is very friendly with people in HR higher too so I can't pursue this. I have seen another complaint about her quashed because of her connections.

The weather has been so bad lately so can't eat outside either. Her comment are getting worse and I am not sure what to do or how to handle it.

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 29/04/2016 22:12

What possible objection can anyone have to tomatoes Confused

BarbaraofSeville · 29/04/2016 22:12

Great minds summer.

Pixienott0005 · 29/04/2016 22:16

She's your manager so presumably you have one to one meetings periodically? Use that as an opportunity to bring it up, if you CANT bear it.

To be honest I would just begin blanking her gradually. It might look off, but what can she do, pull you up on it the fact you didn't respond at lunch the other day? If it were me I'd not mention it, but actually start acting like she can't be heard. As soon as she speaks just get your phone, or find something else that is 'distracting' you. It'll make her look an idiot. I bet you are acting bothered by it or she wouldn't keep going on. She must be reaping some benefit from I and its probably your reaction?

I admit it's irritating and she's clearly got some issue but to bring it up would be really awkward and it doesn't sound like its proper bullying. I work in HR too and there is no way I'd bring something like that up to my manager who is top of the tree in our department. Just IGNORE it, she will soon get it trust me.

StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine · 29/04/2016 22:18

Eat chocolate.

Share, when pushed to.

Then reveal that the slightly chewy cardboard texture is crickets. Oh and that's not black pepper, it's ants.

PattiLevin · 29/04/2016 22:20

She sounds like a right nutter. Personally I would look and sound as disinterested and unimpressed as I possibly could. Maybe throw in a loud tut or sigh. If she challenged me, I'd tell her the truth.
You could shout 'fuck off nutter' in your head for added facial expression maybe.

Slutbucket · 29/04/2016 22:27

My boss used to go on about my husband always changing his job. My husband works in an industry that is very dynamic with lots of mergers of big companies. His job has been in consultation at least 5 times so he kind of goes where he is put. He's very good at change so will get himself further up the ladder and more pay.

My boss mentioned it again and I got in something like ... Well he's earning 3 times more than you are so you can't blame him for moving. I'm sure you would do if you were ever given the opportunity. That shut him up! 😄

Judgementalsocialist · 29/04/2016 22:54

Try having a stock of conversation changers up your sleeve:
Her - ooh salad again?
You - yeah. Did you get that email about...
Her - you not sharing that chocolate then?
You - no, I love chocolate, get your own!. Can I just ask you about the ...
She sounds like she's kind of trapped in a cycle so deflecting attention might gently redirect her and help her stop?! Maybe

Jitterybug · 29/04/2016 22:58

I have had this issue too, I am naturally quite slim and didn't eat particularly healthily but whatever I was eating would be ripped to shreds at every opportunity, it was all very tedious, I took to sucking my crisps, so she wouldn't hear the crunch and tell me off for having them Confused.

In the end I started to snap back a bit and asked her to stop commenting. She backed off thank god.

She has issues and is projecting them on to you. Ask her to stop.

StuckMelia · 29/04/2016 23:06

Tell her what you feel.. If you don't she'll continue what she's doing and you will always have a bad day.

Alasalas2 · 29/04/2016 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Beeziekn33ze · 30/04/2016 03:30

Bland expression, feigned deafness.
'You what?'
'Oh, did you say something?'
'My what, my salad? What about it?'
Etc. Etc. Ad nauseam.
Or headphones!

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 30/04/2016 03:33

Take an enormous gateau in one of those clear plastic "cake transporter" tub thingies, and give it pride of place on your desk.
When she comments say "oh yes, I thought I could eat my lunch behind it and it would distract you long enough for me to finish before you commented on what I was having"
Or get a flake/ripple/other phallic chocolate bar/banana/large sausage and give it the blow job of its/your life in front of her, complete with sound effects worthy of a shampoo advert. then say casually "one gets so sick of salad every day" and smile sweetly.

funniestWins · 30/04/2016 05:06

A simple head tilt and "did you mean to be so rude?" should suffice

This. If it continues, take it to HR.

What size company is it? Med to large, they should be very aware of how lack of impartiality can get them into hot water so don't worry about complaints getting quashed.

lavenderhoney · 30/04/2016 05:57

She sounds awful and is bullying you. what do the other people in the team do? Ignore her? Join in?

How long have you allowed this to go on? Do you have 360 reviews? You must raise it as an issue. And unless it's a big company and people move around a lot, get your cv up to date and start looking.

Keep a note book of each day, and write down what she says. Who else has proof if her connections except her?

lavenderhoney · 30/04/2016 06:04

And it is something that should be raised with HR or her direct manager. She is using her position to intimidate and upset you. It's not acceptable behaviour.

And she will be doing your review/ pay scale etc? She doesn't even like you:(

TheStoic · 30/04/2016 07:07

It's annoying, but don't get angry about it. Treat it like the ridiculousness it is. I think reporting it is way OTT, at least before you've tried to sort it out yourself.

A simple 'why do you comment on my food so much?' would probably work.

Or, next time, take your lunch to show her and say 'Can we get this over with? What would you like to say about my food today?' With one of these Grin

topcat2014 · 30/04/2016 07:24

Talk of food keeps our office going - but it is all in a good natured way. On Monday at least three of us will have brought grapes in - and so the excitement is whether they will be sweet or sour..

Wouldn't expect any comment from anyone who is not my 'friend' as such though.

The MD will sometimes ask what we are eating whilst sat at the lunch table - but more in a 'what leftovers have you got' way - we mostly have kids the same age.

AnotherTimeMaybe · 30/04/2016 07:33

Of course YANBU! I have exactly the same with a chap who fancies me and comments on anything I put in my mouth just for attention
What I suggest is completely ignore!! She comments, you nod and continue on lunch, laptop whatever... Working for me

Idiot of a manager she should know better, this is classified as harassment

bakeoffcake · 30/04/2016 07:35

She is being very rude to comment on your food.

However

As this is an anonymous Internet forum, and at the risk of being flamed, can I ask if a "bag of lettice leaves" is a normal lunch for you? Because tbh, whilst id never comment on it, it is s bit of an odd lunch and if you are a work college of mine if be a bit worried if you were only eating that.

Youarentkiddingme · 30/04/2016 07:44

suggest she gets on and eats what she's chosen to bring as "once she's eating her mouth will be full and she'll be unable to comment on yours."

Whatamuckingfuddle · 30/04/2016 07:48

Bakeofcake the op has said she is size ten and eats carbs later in the evening, unless she's 7 foot she's probably not dangerously underweight and her actual food choices are nothing to do with the thread, it's the rudeness of the manager

kippersyllabub · 30/04/2016 07:49

Don't be rude back. It just provides her with a defence. Go for a neutral "I feel uncomfortable when you comment on my lunch choices. Because this has been going on for a while I'll pop this in an email to you so we've got it in writing."

And leave it at that.

Lilaclily · 30/04/2016 07:51

I think know I'd eat in my car with music on and ignore her

eddielizzard · 30/04/2016 07:57

i'd get out my headphones every time i was going to eat - it's a break after all so you're not working? - and play some music loudly so you can't hear her.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 30/04/2016 08:10

I am really curious to know whether people on MN who advise others to be overtly rude to their friends and colleagues would actually be that rude themselves or take a more diplomatic approach since we have to work with/get along with people.

Re OP.. If she is dieting she is probably a bit hungry and food obsessed. Or she is trying to make conversation and isnt very good at it.

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