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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be able to eat my lunch without comments at work?

144 replies

Lunch123 · 29/04/2016 17:12

I am getting really fed up lately with my line managers comments about what I eat.

She is constantly criticising no matter what I eat. I usually have salads most days. She criticises the repetitiveness of what I eat and burst out with laughter yesterday because I was eating a bag of salad leaves. I have tried eating away from my desk but we do not have have facilities because of construction work taking place. Sometimes I have to work through my lunch too so eat at my desk.

If I eat chocolate or something sweet she takes much pride in pointing it out and then saying I am not sharing it. She doesn't share anything sweet that she has.

Worst bit is that she is also HR. She is very friendly with people in HR higher too so I can't pursue this. I have seen another complaint about her quashed because of her connections.

The weather has been so bad lately so can't eat outside either. Her comment are getting worse and I am not sure what to do or how to handle it.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 30/04/2016 08:12

Go for a neutral "I feel uncomfortable when you comment on my lunch choices. Because this has been going on for a while I'll pop this in an email to you so we've got it in writing."

People really talk to their colleagues like this in the real world?

LittleHouseOnTheShelf · 30/04/2016 08:12

Buy some laxative chocolates from Boots and be generous with your sharing. I think she might stop wanting you to share so much then.

TrappedByTiredness · 30/04/2016 08:12

I'd treat it lightly at first and then if, after a few times, it doesn't work, is have to get more stroppy about it.

Perhaps get in there first by loudly announcing "oh is it that time already? SALAD o'clock!

If that doesn't work maybe escalate to: "lunchtime! Anyone want to see my salad leaves? Speak now or forever hold your peace!"

With regard to he chocolate sharing is quip back cheekily "well you know what they say, you gotta lead from the top! When you share yours I might think about sharing mine"

CrumpetsAndGin · 30/04/2016 08:14

I have a new standard 'unbelievably American-cheerleader-esque smiley' approach to these situations. I behave genuinely concerned for the person behaving in a strange way towards me, offer support and will carry on being smiley and nice regardless. The outcome goes one of 3 ways:
1 - they eventually breakdown and reveal some underlying trauma that is causing them to behave like a loon and which I am then morally obligated to offer support for
2 - they get fed up with me and move on to their next prey
3 - they don't get fed up and don't break down but I've got so used to them being an arse and still being nice to them in return its a reflex and I honestly no longer notice.

I suspect your line manager would fall into category 1....

TrappedByTiredness · 30/04/2016 08:15

Ugh, phone auto-correct changed my "I'd" to is!

dizzytomato · 30/04/2016 08:18

I have a colleague like this and it can really spoil your break. Luckily I eat lunch at home but have a coffee break at work about 3pm. She either stares at what I'm eating or comments, but never wants any when offered, I did that to try and make her stop. It didn't work so now I sit in different place and put the big coffee pot in front of my food. Do you have a large object you could put on your desk? She would have crane to see then. Also wear big headphones nd ignore.

EatShitDerek · 30/04/2016 08:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mmgirish · 30/04/2016 09:11

I'm a fussy eater. I hate it when people comment on what I'm eating. It is such a rude thing to do.

bakeoffcake · 30/04/2016 09:13

Whata I did say the manager was being very rude, so I get what the thread is about.

I do think a bag of lettuce is a strange lunch. It's not just about a lack of carbs, it's protein and fat too. That's why I ask if it's a typical lunch because if it is, I'm not surprised it attracts comments... (Though the line manager is being rude and should be told to shut up)

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 30/04/2016 09:17

ive posted this very thread before but in reverse. My colleague who eats salad everyday is obsessed with what I eat. Be it ryvita or a chip butty its constant 'ooh what you got there- is it nice' Im like stfu already I want to devour it not discuss its bloody faults/merits

Original poster
Lunch123 · 30/04/2016 09:22

Loving the headphones idea!

I had lettuce leaves but then some cheese afterwards

It is getting silly. I am getting my lunch out when she has meetings and is out of the office. The other day I found an empty room and sat in there and ate by myself just to avoid comments. I am tempted to go and eat in my car too, it might just break the cycle of comments.

I think she is very upset about her weight. I understand that but being like this isn't helping anybody.

I am not singled out for this treatment. She has criticised others too. Actually come to think of it she has severely criticised people in the department who have lost weight saying they followed unhealthy diets. They didn't. They followed 5:2 and lost several stone.

OP posts:
littlejeopardy · 30/04/2016 09:32

I get this too from people. Not even the people in my office. If I walk through the building with chips from the canteen, the security guys will comment, 'a moment on the lips....'

I am a size 10 and my weight doesn't fluctuate wildly. I just think it is so rude to comment on what people eat. To me it just falls under the 'dont make personal comments' rule my DM hammered into me.

Understand how this is robbing you of enjoying your lunch OP. I think being a bit snarky is the answer. Roll your eyes, look bored, ignore stupid comments. Hopefully she will realise that she is being annoying and give it a rest.

TwatbadgingCuntfuckery · 30/04/2016 09:35

I think this is a case of her knowing her own diet is shit and she's find faults in yours to make herself feel better about.

There is something about being fat and having other people around you who are fat. It makes you feel 'normal'. Once some starts losing weight (like your colleagues) it can feel like a threat because she has no one else to look at and go 'well she's fat like me so I'm OK'. She was comfortable with her size when everyone else was/is fat but as soon as they change the daggers come out.

off topic but this is why I think normalising being morbidly obese is dangerous. I'm a size 18 btw. So no picture of health.

Obviously ignoring her isn't working at all so you probably need to be blunt.

'My food choices are none of your business but If you wish to continue this 'discussion' what are you having for lunch?' Might just work. Failing that I would have to make a complaint. She might be in HR but she has a boss to answer to as well.

ArgyMargy · 30/04/2016 09:35

Headphones and a magazine. And when/if it gets warmer leave the office to eat in a park or something. I think trying to win the conversation is likely to be damaging particularly if she is in HR - she holds more cards than you. This is so sad; I would bet that every single one of us has taken part in this kind of conversation at some point. As a "slim" (ie normal weight) woman, I'm often accused of having some magic power over food. No; I just don't overeat.

mix56 · 30/04/2016 09:46

If your reply re salad again can't be:
"yes maybe you should try some"
If she mentions your chocolate:
"None to spare, making up for the salad fest", or "if I share it will you promise to quit your daily snipes about my food?"

I would go for a walk/ sit in car / as much as possible, if she mentions it, you can say that you are tired of invasive remarks re your meals. & exercise is good for you.

Clankboing · 30/04/2016 09:46

I find lunch at work a pain. You have to shove it together when tired the night before and not hungry. So its not surprising that a bag of salad leaves ends up as lunch! Most people I know have salad or sandwiches or both at lunch - why her surprise? From what I can see its normal.

2016Bambino · 30/04/2016 09:46

I had this at uni. I would be cooking in the kitchen and one guy would always comment on what I was cooking/ eating etc. I was under 9st at the time and ate a fairly balanced diet.
It did my head in. Eventually I just said 'Why are you so interested in what I'm eating all the time?'. He mumbled something, backed off and didn't comment again Smile

rookiemere · 30/04/2016 10:10

I had a sort of similar situation at work. My manager is a nice guy, bit young and wet behind the ears, kept making "funny " remarks about my part time working, things like "Wish I got to finish this early" "No you'll have to fight rookie for it if you want a Friday off as she has all of them" etc. etc.

I spoke to my business mentor about it and she said that I had to speak to him about it but to do it in my one to one. I was dreading it, but I used lots of "I" statements as in " I feel uncomfortable when you say xxx" "I feel less valued...." you get the drift and it actually went ok and I think he respects me more.

Try having a neutral chat about it and say that it makes you feel uncomfortable and you'd prefer she didn't discuss your lunch with you.

Branleuse · 30/04/2016 10:16

flip her the bird, every time

JuneFromBethesda · 30/04/2016 10:38

Love PomBear's suggestions Grin

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 30/04/2016 10:56

I would smile sweetly and ignore tbh. Why let it bother you? Or I'd take the conversation opening as an invitation to talk endlessly about my dietary intake - calories, carbs, evening meal, exercise regime and how much weigh I'd lost - that would probably shut her up.

DoreenLethal · 30/04/2016 10:59

I think the only way to go is:
That salad is unhealthy
'How so?'
well, it is blah blah...follow with any or all of:
'In what context?'
'Now sure what you mean exactly, what is 'health' exactly?'
'Can you specify which nutrients you think salad has that are not healthy ones?'
'What would you recommend as a 'healthy' meal?'
Just always answer her with a question and she will soon get bored of explaining.

dangerrabbit · 30/04/2016 11:00

I know just how you feel food talk is so tedious. I hate people commenting on food and my colleagues do this all the time to the extent that the boss banned us from eating at our desks. What a shame that for you the boss is the problem I guess you have to tread carefully.

I know you shouldn't feel pushed out but can you find somewhere else to eat your lunch or eat it outside now the weather is nicer?

Cloudstasteofmash · 30/04/2016 11:19

I'd be tempted to burst out laughing and say 'bloody hell I was waiting for your usual remarks'

or

I'd count the seconds till she said some thing and say ' well that took you 15 minutes to scrutinise my lunch today - looks like your slacking!"

or

'Come on then show us your culinary master piece! '

I'd make a joke out of it everytime she said some thing. It worked for me with mil who is very underweight and went through a phase of remarking every time I was eating. I was 9.5 stone at the time.

I would also make a note of every single time she says something to you. You could relay all the stuff she has said at the end of the week and embarrass her. OR you could take it to HR - with the opinion that this woman has got eating issues and is trying to make you feel intimidated when you eat your lunch.

echt · 30/04/2016 11:25

There are two things:

1.She is your line manager 2. She is being out of order.

Fuck her motives; deal with the behaviour.

Tell her you don't like her commenting on your eating and ask her to stop. Note it in your diary.

This has gone on for a while so don't wait for a further trail. The next comment, dob her sorry arse in, with all previous evidence.

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