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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Preschool parent rang to invite her daughter to my daughters birthday party

95 replies

LondonDove · 29/04/2016 16:56

Had the weirdest message on my phone this morning. Am stunned and not sure what to do.

I work full time so I don't meet the other preschool parents. I left invites with the staff for the children my daughter said she played with so she can have a good party in a few weeks time. We have a number limit as we have an entertainer booked.
So the message was from a mum who had got my number from another preschool mum - goodness knows who as none of them have my number! And in it she asked me for the details of the party as she'd heard there was 'a pile of invites' and her daughter wanted to go.
AIBU reasonable to think she went too far? A note in my daughters bag maybe but to call me and ask for an invitation. What would you do?
Btw I had actually asked the staff for a few more names as the cousins can't go, and her daughters was one of them. So there was a second round of invites which she clearly hasn't seen and which she is part of.

Are we expected to invite everyone these days?

OP posts:
nobilityobliges · 29/04/2016 17:00

Sounds like she might think the whole class was invited and her invite got lost? Or she knows your DDs played together so assumed that she would have been invited (which she in fact was!). I don't think it's hugely weird.

AttitcusFinchIsMyFather · 29/04/2016 17:00

Maybe she lost her invitation or forgot to pick it up but knows her daughter was invited?

Delacroix · 29/04/2016 17:00

Some people have no shame! Inviting yourself to a party... and not just subtly, but ringing up and bellowing "I hear there's a party. Right then, tell me where and when."

I guess given that her invite is in the works, you could just return the message with "The invite's going out on Monday" or whatever, and keep it minimal...

... whilst then keeping a eye out for her to see if she perhaps jumps up and tells the entertainer what to do, or organises the food or you, or some other baffling display of superiority.

JJoy342 · 29/04/2016 17:00

Yeah, the general consensus seems to be to invite everyone, unless it's a really small party, as leaving out 4/20 kids can be cruel.

Very cheeky of her though to invite herself, if you were going to invite her anyway, I'd just leave it but if you weren't I would have politely explained that there was a limit and perhaps you could invite her next time instead

nobilityobliges · 29/04/2016 17:01

And since you did already invited her there's nothing you need to do (apart from maybe reassuring her that the girl is invited and making sure she has the invite).

CombineBananaFister · 29/04/2016 17:01

pretty cheeky to pursue you haha, but its worked out alright really if you were looking for more invitees. Yanbu to be surprised she rang, ywbu not to invite her now if you were going to anyway

fiorentina · 29/04/2016 17:02

I think it's very rude and entitled. But as she's invited I would ring back and make the point that her invite hasn't been sent yet.

FrameyMcFrame · 29/04/2016 17:02

Sounds like the preschool staff have told her that you've been asking who to invite... Which you did. She's just being proactive, saying her dd wants to come...

It's good! Kids want to go to your child's party, imagine how you'd feel if nobody wanted to come!

InternationalHouseofToast · 29/04/2016 17:03

I'd pretend I didn't receive the message to be honest, as you're not going to see her. No, you don't have to invite her DD, however much her DD wants to go. How strange.

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 29/04/2016 17:03

Probably she thought it was a whole-class party and her daughter forgot to pick up an invitation.

ImperialBlether · 29/04/2016 17:03

Do you want her to come or not?

FrameyMcFrame · 29/04/2016 17:04

And yes, when they're that age it's probably good to include everyone in the class, unless it's a small cinema trip etc....

SanityClause · 29/04/2016 17:05

Well, it's a bit rude, but seeing she was in the second round of invitations, as it were, j would just tell her that there should be an invitation for her DD, and go her the details.

And, no, you haven't committed a faux pas by not inviting everyone. (I only knew one other child's name in DD2's nursery class, and that was becsusd it was the same as hers.)

LIZS · 29/04/2016 17:06

Did you put your no. on the invitations to rsvp? Could she actually be on your guest list but perhaps not share the dd's surname?

PattiLevin · 29/04/2016 17:06

Not sure the problem here, her daughter is invited anyway? Is this like a stuffy British thing where we like to keep people at arms length?
Until she proves herself to be an absolute nutter I'd give her a chance. You never know, she might be an excellent new friend!

jumpjumpformylove · 29/04/2016 17:07

Bizarre. However, a message saying, "I've had to be strict with the numbers because of the entertainment, but your daughter's invite is on the way" might let her know it's not a "Pile of invitations" and a free for all type of affair.

MatildaTheCat · 29/04/2016 17:12

Two possibilities strike me: a) a member of staff said something like, 'oh your dd has an invitation to LittleLondon's party,' in passing but didn't actually hand it over. Or b) does she come from another culture where a children's party is more of a free for all and she's simply making it clear her dd would like to come?

Or I guess she could be a cheeky cow with few social boundaries in which case tread with extreme caution. Grin

Heebiejeebie · 29/04/2016 17:14

Maybe the staff said -

we had an invitation for you - it was in the pile earlier - but it's gone astray. Why don't you call and ask for the details

BombadierFritz · 29/04/2016 17:15

Yanbu at all. I cant believe anyone thinks its normal behaviour to phone up and essentially demand an invite. I'd need to point out in some way that its not because of her pushiness that her daughter is getting an invite.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 29/04/2016 17:16

Firstly I'd want to establish who the hell gave her my number.
Yes she was a bit forward abd cheeky, However looking at it through a mother's eyes. I imagine, but I could be wrong, but I'm guessing she heard a gaggle of mother's saying "Ooh you've been invited to little Dove's party" or she's seen the teacher handing out the invites, and seen her child hasn't received one. She's taken it to heart, and rang you on impulse. I suppose in a round about way to find out why her DD has been left out.

rookiemere · 29/04/2016 17:20

I think you should invite her DD. It will be fun to hear the after party update Grin.

Floggingmolly · 29/04/2016 17:22

Does anybody really leave a "pile of invitations" on a table to be picked up by anyone who's interested; like advertising flyers?? She can't seriously think that's what happened and she failed to notice the pile at the crucial time? Confused
Very cheeky; trying to bulldoze your child into someone else's party...

gpignname · 29/04/2016 17:27

Give her the benefit of the doubt - staff may have mentioned something to her when you asked for the extra names, or one of the other mums may have seen the first "pile of invites" being given out by the staff and mistakenly thought everyone was invited and mentioned it to this mum who got the wrong end of the stick and asked for your number.

If you are happy for her DD to come, just text back with some details.

anotherdayanothersquabble · 29/04/2016 17:28

Try to see it from her point of view..

Her daughter talks about your daughter and the party...

She checks with nursery in case the invitation has gone missing and someone says there was a pile of invitations...

She decides her's must have gone missing or that it seems odd that nursery decide who can go and knows both girls are friends.

She decides to stick her neck out as she works full time and her daughter doesn't get to meet up with her nursery friends often and in doing so, managed to sound pushy.

TooLazyToWriteMyOwnFuckinPiece · 29/04/2016 17:28

Maybe she was trying to point out your rudeness in inviting lots of, but not all of, a nursery class. In fact she probably had a thread on here asking for the most subtle way to do it!
If you are having a select-few party, it's important others don't think it's a whole class one and go around chatting about who's going to the party on Saturday. There's enough time for them to feel excluded when they reach primary.