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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dress 6 year old dd in a bridesmaid type dress to a wedding

461 replies

Notthinkingclearly · 29/04/2016 12:44

Dd is 6 and has always loved the beautiful frothy dresses in shops designed as bridesmaid dresses. We are going to a family wedding in a few weeks and I spotted a beautiful dress from john Lewis in a charity shop for £10. Very similar currently selling for £60. I bought her a cheap pink bollero cardigan to wear over the top. It is cream with a bow at the back. Now worried that I will offend the bride as I guess it was designed as a bridesmaid dress but I just thought it would be a chance for dd to wear a proper princess type dress.. I don't even know who she has as bridesmaids as I don't know her very well and would never have expected her to ask dd. Should I let dd wear the dress?

OP posts:
BillSykesDog · 30/04/2016 00:37

hearing stories of how children get dragged into all this fuckery is really sad.

I'd say in this case though it's entirely the parents fault for doing this.

At the end of the day, the only way you can be entirely sure that the wedding party will be happy for your child to wear a bridesmaids dress is if they've been asked to be a bridesmaid. If they haven't then don't put them in one. It's rude and can cause all sorts of unecessary headaches.

BillSykesDog · 30/04/2016 00:41

I think flower girls and bridesmaids dresses are pretty much interchangeable except flower girls only ever refers to little children's dresses and bridesmaids can refer to either adults or children.

Party dresses are less dressy than bridesmaids dresses and normally intended to be worn several times rather than bought primarily for one occasion so more practical/easy to look after etc.

I would say that the difference between party dresses and bridesmaid dresses is kind of the adult equivalent of a dress you'd wear on a work night out compared with a ball gown.

Ninefreerangeeggs · 30/04/2016 00:43

Blimey. Looking at the OP's photo of dress and bolero it's not exactly a glitter ball gown and tiara. Cannot understand some pp's thinking the dress is inappropriate for a wedding. It's a perfectly nice and appropriate party frock for a 6 yo to wear to a formal occasion.

Floisme · 30/04/2016 00:44

Bill I have no idea what you are talking about Grin
I really, truly think weddings have eaten themselves.
I've said this once already but this time I mean it. Goodnight.

BillSykesDog · 30/04/2016 00:56

I was answering Uterus' question!

And it's not just weddings anyway. It's general good manners. If you know doing something has the potential to cause upset or ructions and you really don't need to do it, why on earth would you do it?

PrimalLass · 30/04/2016 00:59

If you search for 'girls party dress' on Google images a lot of them look like ... Bridesmaid dresses.

Seren85 · 30/04/2016 01:03

I think its a very pretty although formal party frock. I would have been less than bothered had a child worn that to my wedding. Our friends little boy (age 3) wore an adorable little suit to our wedding, not the current fashion suit with waistcoat and flat cap etc but a proper suit. Noone thought he had a pageboy, he sat with his parents in church so why would they and if anyone thought it was PA then its never been said, even in my properly gossipy family!

TheLambShankRedemption · 30/04/2016 01:21

Gorgeous dress, she will look lovely in it.

Beeziekn33ze · 30/04/2016 02:19

Amazed at all this - sounds like some families only have weddings to have a source of bitchy trivial gossip. Sure OP's daughter will love wearing her dress and I feel sorry for anyone who goes to a wedding and criticises what a child, or anyone else for that matter, is wearing.
Chill out and never mind some people's odd rigid ideas about 'etiquette' and 'the done thing'!

FishWithABicycle · 30/04/2016 03:05

Sorry I really don't think it's an appropriate dress.

I don't think it's bridezilla-ish to feel miffed if a non-bridesmaid guest turns up dressed as a bridesmaid. The fact that the person is 6 and the decision was made by their mum doesn't stop that feeling (though shifts the blame obviously)

Most brides will have thought carefully about what they want in their wedding. That will include decisions about how many bridesmaids, and should they all events contemporaries of the bride or do the youngsters get included. Whatever the decision, it was made long ago. These details are a significant part of the whole ambience of the wedding.

Even phoning up the bride and asking her opinion is inappropriate imo. It will only come across as angling for a last minute request to be a bridesmaid/flower girl. Just no.

The dress is lovely. Buy it for your dd if you can afford it. But do not take her to a wedding dressed in it unless she is a proper part of the proceedings.

FishWithABicycle · 30/04/2016 03:06

I have no idea why I thought I was typing "be" and got "events"

happyhearts7 · 30/04/2016 04:19

OP it's a very pretty dress for a little girl and if I had a little girl I would definitely let her wear it to a wedding or another special occasion with whatever accessories suited the occasion!

At our wedding 18 years ago my 2 flower girls wore ivory dresses with navy chiffon over the skirt part and if another wee girl had worn ivory & navy it honestly would not have bothered me. I can't believe some people would be offended with the mum because of a pretty dress Confused

It's a wedding and call me old fashioned I'd expect to see a little girl dressed up, I'd probably be disappointed if they didn't..

GraysAnalogy · 30/04/2016 05:45

Not your wedding, quite sure your DD will get another chance to wear a proper princess type dress.

Eminado · 30/04/2016 06:14

OPwhy are you doing this? Why this dress? There are hundreds if not thousands of pretty dresses out there. I cant understand your rationale. It makes no sense to risk offending someone... for nothing. Confused

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 30/04/2016 06:40

Personally I wouldn't dress DD in a bridesmaid dress at a wedding just like I wouldn't wear one. Bride might not care but, given the differing opinions on this thread, there is a significant chance she will mind and it's almost certain that other people at the wedding will think it inappropriate.
If you don't care about that then crack on

cittigirl · 30/04/2016 06:46

I don't think you should let her wear it. Like another poster said, a lot of planning and money goes into a wedding. Why risk upsetting anyone when there are hundreds of other dresses your dad could wear. Yabu

differentnameforthis · 30/04/2016 06:53

I don't think that I would care...I love seeing girls dressed up, and I don't see the problem. The dress is lovely & I think you should definitely let her wear it.

Serious question do people actually remember and pay attention to what children are wearing at weddings ? I went to a wedding a few weeks ago and have no memory of what any of the children where wearing Exactly. I remember worrying about stuff on my wedding day, what the kids who were attending wore, was not one of those things.

There was a 3 year old in a tiger outfit at my first wedding and he looked incredibly cute in the photos. Awesome.

They were hurt and confused Over a child in a dress? My god, their lives must be dull!

But hearing stories of how children get dragged into all this fuckery is really sad. I know right. I wonder if people would object to a boy wearing a suit to a wedding, because he might upstage the groom...or is it just little girls who have to be careful what they wear?

TheDowagerCuntess · 30/04/2016 07:25

I wouldn't have cared if a grown woman had turned up on our wedding day in a floor length white gown (fair play to her), let alone a child - I can't fathom why anyone would.

Honestly - the dress is fine. Would someone really, genuinely be put out by a child's outfit? This thread suggests yes, but IRL, I can't imagine it.

Goingtobeawesome · 30/04/2016 07:58

Many people are missing the point. For the bride and groom a wedding is an important day and they want things exactly as they have chosen. If a parent brings their child wearing a bridesmaid dress it will be noticed and wondered about by the bride. The bride could feel bad they hadn't asked to be a BM even if there is no real connection to do so. I can't see that the OP is particularly close to the bride in this case as she doesn't know how the bride will feel nor cares enou about her to check.

This isn't about being offende that a little girl has worn a bridesmaid dress. It's about a parent having no manners or class.

Narp · 30/04/2016 08:11

Going

I don't think we've missed the point. We've the point as totally invalid a, strange, and besides the point of what a wedding is. A marriage.

Narp · 30/04/2016 08:13

Sorry

We've rejected 'the point' as totally invalid.

Goingtobeawesome · 30/04/2016 08:17

A wedding is one day. No doubt the bride and groom put a lot of thought into how they wanted things to go. A child in a BM dress isn't a BM wouldn't be their wishes.

The marriage comes afterwards.

Swirlingasong · 30/04/2016 08:42

It is a bridesmaid dress. You know this or you would never have started this thread. Your daughter is not a bridesmaid.

You are a guest at their wedding. Would you go to any other event where you were being fed, watered and entertained at someone else's expense and consider doing something that might upset your hosts or other guests before you even arrived?

MerryMarigold · 30/04/2016 08:43

The marriage comes afterwards

Very wise words.

I don't think this is such a major issue though there seem to be 2 camps going on. As I said previously, it is not a heinous crime to dress the dd in BM dress, and I doubt people will remember even the next day, but it's just going to look a bit odd and the dd will 'stand out' a bit, so I personally wouldn't.

flowery · 30/04/2016 08:48

Whether people on here think it's ridiculous that someone might not like this is irrelevant really. Clearly some brides would be upset and some wedding guests would raise an eyebrow.

Knowing that, why would anyone do this when it's perfectly easy not to dress your daughter up as a bridesmaid? You might think it unreasonable for someone to be upset, but that doesn't make it ok for you to knowingly potentially upset them on their wedding day.

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