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Original poster

To dress 6 year old dd in a bridesmaid type dress to a wedding

461 replies

Notthinkingclearly · 29/04/2016 12:44

Dd is 6 and has always loved the beautiful frothy dresses in shops designed as bridesmaid dresses. We are going to a family wedding in a few weeks and I spotted a beautiful dress from john Lewis in a charity shop for £10. Very similar currently selling for £60. I bought her a cheap pink bollero cardigan to wear over the top. It is cream with a bow at the back. Now worried that I will offend the bride as I guess it was designed as a bridesmaid dress but I just thought it would be a chance for dd to wear a proper princess type dress.. I don't even know who she has as bridesmaids as I don't know her very well and would never have expected her to ask dd. Should I let dd wear the dress?

OP posts:
PrimalLass · 29/04/2016 21:41

It's certainly not classsy to risk upstaging the bride

How could a 6-year-old upstage the bride exactly?

whydidyoudothat · 29/04/2016 21:46

I would ask the bride. That is the exact dress I had for my dd's when I got married, It is still on sale in John Lewis so it is possible that if there are younger bridesmaids, your dd may well be wearing the same dress as them.

PrimalLass · 29/04/2016 21:46

They do - just too polite to comment

They don't. Who would actually give a shit what someone random's child was wearing?

Wanderingwondering · 29/04/2016 21:52

That's a bridesmaid dress. It is beautiful and I hope she gets to wear it but I would definitely check with the bride-it's not a case of upstaging her but more of not treading on the toes of actual (or wannabe) bridesmaids and their families.

DioneTheDiabolist · 29/04/2016 21:54

Primal, in the case I mentioned upthread, all of the groom's family gave a shit.Sad If the actual flower girls are wearing an identical dress, quite a few people would talk about it.

fresta · 29/04/2016 21:57

Don't ask the bride! Just use common sense.

Waitingfordolly · 29/04/2016 21:59

YANBU. She's six and wants to wear a pretty dress. If it was the same as the bridesmaids dresses though that would be a little weird. I'm now thinking that the dress I put my DD in for a wedding when she was about six could theoretically have been a bridesmaid's dress but it wasn't and no one said anything and it never occurred to me at the time, it was just a very pretty party dress.

YorkieDorkie · 29/04/2016 22:10

I'd expect to see little girls in gorgeous dresses at a wedding! It's so special for them Smile

PrimalLass · 29/04/2016 22:11

But Dione they were being ridiculous. The child wasn't a flower girl unless she was in the wedding party. A dress does not a bridesmaid make.

Reason 16866709809-09 why I would not want a wedding.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/04/2016 22:13

I don't think anyone is arguing with that, Yorkie - but a dress can be gorgeous without looking like the child is n extra bridesmaid.

As I said, I doubt many brides would mind, but the sort of bride who would mind, might well be the sort of bride who would really, really mind - and who might not react well to it. Is it worth risking that when the OP could either ask th bride, or get another, not-so-obviously bridesmaid-y dress?

ohtheholidays · 29/04/2016 22:54

It's a bridesmaid dress.Like another poster I was at a wedding where 2 little girls(one flower girl and one bridesmaid)had that same dress on.

I wouldn't send her in it,like others have said there are loads of pretty dresses around for little girls that don't cost much.The one you've already bought I'd put up for another time.

DioneTheDiabolist · 29/04/2016 22:55

They were hurt and confused Primal. They had a child who was upset because she was told that she couldn't be a flower girl, yet there was the bride's friend's DD dressed as a FG at the wedding. The bride had no idea and no chance to explain until a couple of hours had passed. By which point it was a topic of conversation with all the guests. Apart from the bride's friend of course.

Was it ridiculous? Possibly, but no more ridiculous than coming to a wedding wearing a BM dress when not a BM.

DioneTheDiabolist · 29/04/2016 23:04

I suppose I just wouldn't want to even risk doing this to my friend on their wedding day. I'd get my child something different but just as gorgeous to wear.Smile

Floisme · 29/04/2016 23:11

Jeez if this is what weddings have turned into then I hope I never get asked to one again.
Well apart from my son's.
Absolutely bonkers.
Goodnight.

PrimalLass · 29/04/2016 23:12

By which point it was a topic of conversation with all the guests.

Was it ridiculous?

Yes.

I don't understand why so many feelings get hurt about weddings.

UterusUterusGhali · 29/04/2016 23:23

Fuck me, I can't believe actual adults would give a 6yo's dress any headspace.

It's just a nice dress.

I don't get how boys could be "dressed as pageboys" either. Surely you just put your ds in a suit for a wedding. Unless you're going full Little Lord Fauntleroy.

Maybe check the colour of the cardi if you're that worried, but otherwise it's fine.

I hope your dd does lots of swishy dances in it. :)

BillSykesDog · 29/04/2016 23:41

I think its more for the actual bridesmaids rather than the bride. If your 6yo/you g daughter was a bridesmaid, wouldnt a big fuss have been made of how special a treat - ooooh a nice pretty bridesmaid dress, you have got a very special job etc.

Then another kid who isnt a bridesmaid turns up in the same type of dress.

This. With bells on it. It actually happened at a family wedding of mine. The bride's two goddaughters had been promised they could be her bridesmaids since they were very, very small so had been looking forwards to it for a long time and were very, very excited and there had been a lot of anticipation and their godmother was looking forward to enjoying their excitement with them in the day. They were dressed in relatively simple unfussy floral rustic type dresses.

Come the wedding day another little girl arrived in a proper bridesmaids dress and it really spoilt the day for the actual bridesmaids. People kept mistaking the other little girl for a bridesmaid and a lot of the fuss and excitement was directed at this other little girl and not them. They were only small and couldn't really help feeling disappointed. It was a huge anti-climax for them and made them feel like their dresses weren't proper dresses and they weren't proper bridesmaids and it spoilt something they were dreaming about. The fact that they were so clearly disappointed cast a bit of a pall over the day for the bride too. I don't believe she stayed friends with the mother long after. I was actually one of the adult bridesmaids at that wedding and it was really rather upsetting.

It's tacky, inappropriate and can cause all sorts of upset. I wouldn't do it.

Waltermittythesequel · 29/04/2016 23:47

It doesn't really matter how many people on here think it's ok though.

Bride might not think it's ok.

Why purposely put your child in a flower girls dress (which that clearly is)?

Just, why?

I would think you were trying to force her into the wedding if she turned up in that.

Those making snotty comments about being offended by a six year old are being disingenuous. It's not about the child. It's about the mother being the type of guest who shows up to a wedding with her child dressed as a flower girl!

PrimalLass · 30/04/2016 00:01

It's about the mother being the type of guest who shows up to a wedding with her child dressed as a flower girl

Or people just not having a clue it would be a problem.

DioneTheDiabolist · 30/04/2016 00:02

I don't believe she stayed friends with the mother long after.

This is what happened with the bride I mentioned too.Sad

LouBlue1507 · 30/04/2016 00:07

A lot of people seem to be forgetting that the little girl didn't pick the dress, MUM did. Seems to me like OP is trying to make a point of some sort, if not, then why not just ask the bride or get another dress. Why deliberately buy a bridesmaid dress?! Hmm

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/04/2016 00:13

In fairness to the OP, the dress was a charity shop bargain - so there probably wasn't a load of different styles to choose from.

But as I said this morning, there are loads of very pretty dresses on eBay, for very little money - and the lass could wear this dress some other time.

MulderitsmeX · 30/04/2016 00:17

Agree that is a flower girl dress absolutely. In fact it's pretty similar to the one I have purchased for my Flower Girl! I wouldn't care particularly but would find it odd, in the same sphere as wearing a white dress as an adult (which equally I'm not bothered by tbh). I would worry that my younger cousins would feel left out as I only have Dneice as a baby bridesmaid so may be awkward if it looks like another random kid was one as well.
If you're going to go ahead how about some snazzy pink tights to dress it down and match the bolero? Or maybe a regular cardi would help.

Floisme · 30/04/2016 00:33

I normally only read bridezilla threads for a laugh - if I bother at all. But hearing stories of how children get dragged into all this fuckery is really sad.

UterusUterusGhali · 30/04/2016 00:36

Genuine q. What's the difference between a flower girl & bridesmaid dress?

Or a bm dress and party dress?

I get a communion dress is long and white. Other than that is there an actual difference?