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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dress 6 year old dd in a bridesmaid type dress to a wedding

461 replies

Notthinkingclearly · 29/04/2016 12:44

Dd is 6 and has always loved the beautiful frothy dresses in shops designed as bridesmaid dresses. We are going to a family wedding in a few weeks and I spotted a beautiful dress from john Lewis in a charity shop for £10. Very similar currently selling for £60. I bought her a cheap pink bollero cardigan to wear over the top. It is cream with a bow at the back. Now worried that I will offend the bride as I guess it was designed as a bridesmaid dress but I just thought it would be a chance for dd to wear a proper princess type dress.. I don't even know who she has as bridesmaids as I don't know her very well and would never have expected her to ask dd. Should I let dd wear the dress?

OP posts:
Narp · 30/04/2016 08:57

Lordy, let's not upset THE BRIDE on her special day

The world has gone mad

I blame Celebrity culture

And look how well those marriages turn out

rookiemere · 30/04/2016 09:13

Well to be fair though Narp for most people a wedding costs a fair amount of money and for many of us it is indeed a special day.

I would not have been bothered if any of our guests DDs had turned up in delightful dresses of any description and would have loved it if there was a 3yr old tiger DS as well, but having read the thread I can see that others would think differently and I guess that is their prerogative.

The only wedding I've been to where I definitely felt one of the guests was making a statement was at friends where her DSis (or not so D) wore a skin tight white lace dress with a white fur stole and a huge white hat, but in that case she was making a deliberate statement. Bride has now gone no contact.

I can see why the OP picked the dress - super charity shop bargain. I still think it would be fine perhaps with a pink belt added and pink shoes, but I can now see that some might find it a tad bridesmaidy. Shame really that people are so precious, hope that the wedding that the OP is going to is a friendly non judgemental one.

SurroMummy13 · 30/04/2016 09:14

Ask the bride?

rubberducker · 30/04/2016 09:25

That is a bridesmaid dress. To my mind, bridesmaid dresses are usually Ivory/white or just one block colour.

You can get lots of lovely party dresses with a floral/spotty etc print which are still flouncy and twirly but do not look like bridesmaid dresses.

Why take the risk of offending? Judging by the responses on this thread you'd have a 50% chance of severely annoying the bride/the actual bridesmaids/someone else. Or just look like you're trying to make you DD a bridesmaid by stealth!

SuburbanRhonda · 30/04/2016 09:27

So the OP has posted twice on this thread, once with her original post and once to say despite people telling her she should check with the bride to be absolutely sure she doesn't end up making a faux pas, her DD is going to wear the dress anyway.

Have to ask - why did you bother posting, OP?

TheDowagerCuntess · 30/04/2016 09:38

...where her DSis (or not so D) wore a skin tight white lace dress with a white fur stole and a huge white hat...

Not one single guest is going to look at someone dressed like this, and think 'wow - she looks amazing - way better than the bride'. They will be looking at her, probably sniggering and/or rolling their eyes, assuming she is unhinged. They will feel a bit sorry for her, it will not reflect badly on the bride at all, which is why I don't understand why brides would ever be bothered by it.

And a little girl in a white dress? How a bride could feel badly about this is ... I don't know, but the word(s) that come to mind is 'self-indulgent'.

SuburbanRhonda · 30/04/2016 09:46

But it's irrelevant whether any of us think it would be fine, or whether the bride or any of the guests would think it a bit off. Those who would be fine with it would quite likely get the hump about something else other people were fine with.

What matters - and should matter to the OP if she cares about other people's feelings - is what the bride thinks and I'm amazed the OP seems to have no intention of asking her and avoiding all this speculation.

Floisme · 30/04/2016 09:48

For those talking about snottery, bad manners and lack of class: I am happy to modify my own behaviour and clothing for a wedding. If I am summoned to an unheated castle in January and asked to wear a chicken on my head, I will bite my lip and do so, because I am an adult and recognise that these occasions send some people a bit loopy.

Where I draw the line is at dragging a child into this madness.

The only question in my mind is about whether the child really wants to wear this dress or not. I agree that part isn't entirely clear.

Frazzled2207 · 30/04/2016 09:49

Yes why bother posting if you intend to let her wear it anyway?

I wouldn't generally, I think it screams
"My daughter ought to be a bridesmaid", however with that dress and cardi I think you'd get away with it, IF YOU CHECK WITH THE BRIDE.

My friend never said anything but I know was miffed when two "extra flower girls" turned up at her wedding.
I would have been too.

Swirlingasong · 30/04/2016 09:51

Dowager, because at some level the people invited to a wedding are all special to the bride and groom and it is upsetting to feel some of them might be sniggering at others.

I suggested a relation of dh's should not wear the long white lace dress she had decided to wear to our wedding when she asked for my opinion . She got very cross with me, accused me of being a 'bridezilla'. I didn't feel she would upstage me at all. I did feel she would spend the day having eyebrows raised at her and would possibly hear unflattering remarks made by other guests. Believe it or not, I wanted her to have a nice day. She asked me about 3 months before our wedding. She continued to snipe at me until our wedding and was cross for quite a long time afterwards. It did upset me.

SuburbanRhonda · 30/04/2016 09:53

That's not the only question, flo.

Whether it would upset the bride is a question that should be asked, but the OP is not going to ask, presumably because she thinks she's right or she knows in her heart that the dress should be worn for another occasion that is not someone else's wedding.

Floisme · 30/04/2016 09:56

I would ask the bride if it was my own outfit.
I think we should leave children out of it.

BlueFolly · 30/04/2016 10:00

No, I wouldn't do this. I'm sure the bride would claim not to mind, but why put her in the position of having to say no when it's so unnecessary. You will look like a weirdo.

SuburbanRhonda · 30/04/2016 10:03

I think we should leave children out of it.

That's fine if you don't have bridesmaids. Children are very much included in this wedding it seems.

If you mean children shouldn't be involved in the angst over what their mother has chosen for them to wear it a wedding, that could have been easily avoided by her not choosing a bridesmaid dress. And I doubt the OP has discussed it with her DD as she obviously doesn't see it as a problem.

Floisme · 30/04/2016 10:07

I mean that children shouldn't be dragged into the wedding etiquette and politics. Which is what this is.

Neither of us know whether she's discussed it with the child or not.

SymbollocksInteractionism · 30/04/2016 10:07

I didn't even realise this would be a thing to get hot under the collar about until Mumsnet informed me differently!! Neither me or my RL friends would give a monkeys about a 6 year old wearing a pretty dress to a wedding but then none of us are attention seeking bridezilla arseholes!!

SuburbanRhonda · 30/04/2016 10:11

That's why I said "I doubt", flo Smile

allthingsred · 30/04/2016 10:11

I had this a few months ago. Just check on the colours. If I was a bride it wouldn't bother me. All little girls get to dress as princesses at weddings.

SuburbanRhonda · 30/04/2016 10:12

But it's not about what you think, is it bollocks? It's not your wedding.

MalbecAndLindt · 30/04/2016 10:12

I think it depends on the bride. I know someone who is getting married and will be an absolute bridezilla who would throw a hissy fit that might not take it too well. When me and OH get married, can honestly say this would not bother in the slightest and would just think a little girl would be cute dressed up in a dress. A few of my friends have girls so might happen.

Narp · 30/04/2016 10:16

everyone keeps talking about the bride

i suspect if you askd the groom he wouldn't give a flying fuck. because, where madness takes hold about weddings, it's always women who get sucked into it.

it's insulting to our intelligence.

I had a wedding. A nice thing to celebrate our marriage. A long marriage as it happens. If you are spending so much on something that you are worried about what your loved ones are wearing then i think you've got your priorities screwed

Buckinbronco · 30/04/2016 10:17

Someone wore a wedding dress to my wedding lol

BillSykesDog · 30/04/2016 10:18

I'm not sure why a bride who might be put in an uncomfortable position is a bridezilla, yet a mother who can't bear her child not being the centre of attention for one day is perfectly reasonable.

Regardless of whether or not the bride minds (and I think a lot would) an awful lot of people at the wedding are going to think exactly the same thing. That this mother is so wrapped up in her child and convinced the world revolves around her that she can't bear the idea of one day where the attention is not centred on her child. A 'mumzilla' if you like. And at least a bridezilla has the excuse that she actually is getting married that day, hopefully for the only time. The mother has no excuse. It's attention seeking.

SymbollocksInteractionism · 30/04/2016 10:23

It's a dress, a child's party dress. I'm sure the bride has better things to be doing than critiquing the outfits of small children!! If someone had asked me this when I was getting married I would have thought it bizarre but then that was a few years ago now and I don't think the obsession about the 'perfect day' was such a thing then.

Nikkinackienoo · 30/04/2016 10:25

YABU
I didn't have have bridesmaids at my wedding as it was a small register office and between us DH and I had 4 young nieces.
Couldn't afford to pay for 4 bridesmaids dresses and thought 4 was too many anyway for a small wedding.
DH's nieces were wearing matching bridesmaidy dresses in the same colour theme I'd chosen for my flowers etc
I wasn't very impressed.