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Original poster

To dress 6 year old dd in a bridesmaid type dress to a wedding

461 replies

Notthinkingclearly · 29/04/2016 12:44

Dd is 6 and has always loved the beautiful frothy dresses in shops designed as bridesmaid dresses. We are going to a family wedding in a few weeks and I spotted a beautiful dress from john Lewis in a charity shop for £10. Very similar currently selling for £60. I bought her a cheap pink bollero cardigan to wear over the top. It is cream with a bow at the back. Now worried that I will offend the bride as I guess it was designed as a bridesmaid dress but I just thought it would be a chance for dd to wear a proper princess type dress.. I don't even know who she has as bridesmaids as I don't know her very well and would never have expected her to ask dd. Should I let dd wear the dress?

OP posts:
PrimalLass · 30/04/2016 14:57

BillSykesDog in the context of things that actually matter in the world, a little girl wearing a cream dress is not one of them.

leopardgecko · 30/04/2016 15:02

in the context of things that actually matter in the world, a little girl wearing a cream dress is not one of them

And equally therefore, it does not matter if she wears something else.

This thread has divided opinion, therefore, I assume, opinion would also be divided amongst the wedding guests too. Why not play safe and therefore cause no potential offence or embarrassment, and dress your little girl in a lovely, none bridesmaidy, dress?

hownottofuckup · 30/04/2016 15:23

But why not this dress? People usually dress up for weddings don't they? It's unlikely it will be a carbon copy and bridesmaids get little extras and walk down the aisle etc so it's pretty obvious who the bridesmaids are. As someone else said bridesmaids dresses are usually just whatever dress the bride has chosen to fit with her 'colour scheme'. Could be any dress from any shop really.
Has anyone ever checked with the bride to ensure they don't rock up in the same dress as adult bridesmaids? I never have but maybe I'm lacking in etiquette.
However, my view may be skewed as DD's wouldn't wear anything but party dresses till about the age of 5. I'm surprised people would look and think 'ooh PFB' but there you go.

SuburbanRhonda · 30/04/2016 15:36

BillSykesDog in the context of things that actually matter in the world, a little girl wearing a cream dress is not one of them.

In your opinion. Quite possibly not to the bride, and certainly not to about half the posters on the thread. As I said, a very egocentric attitude.

Floggingmolly · 30/04/2016 15:46

People usually dress up for weddings, don't they?. Just as an adult woman who isn't the bride shouldn't "dress up" in an obvious wedding dress; a little girl who is not a bridesmaid shouldn't be dressed in a bridesmaids dress.

MimiSunshine · 30/04/2016 15:47

Surely basic etiquette for wedding guests when choosing outfits is "don't dress like a member of the bridal party" and yes I do think that applies to children.

Ultimately OP you'll probably let your DD wear the dress because you feel your desire to see her 'dress like a princess' in a dress you yourself describe as a bridesmaid dress is more important than anyone else's feelings at the wedding, whether that's the bride (who probably won't overly care but may raise an eyebrow) or little bridesmaids who may feel their moment was shared or worse any little wannabe bridesmaids who the B&G decided not to have for any number of valid reasons

BillSykesDog · 30/04/2016 15:56

BillSykesDog in the context of things that actually matter in the world, a little girl wearing a cream dress is not one of them.

In your opinion. Your attitude is exactly the reason why to do this would be rude.

People would read into it exactly what you thought. Which is that you don't give a shit what the people whose wedding it is want. All that you care about is your own personal wants and opinions and would go ahead despite being perfectly aware they might not like it. Because you only see it from your own myopic viewpoint and you think they should concur with you and if they don't, then fuck them.

Which is hugely disrespectful because it's not your fucking wedding! So basically the message you're sending out is 'I know it's your wedding, but I don't care what you think or want, I care about what I think and what I want'. And to send a message to your friends, that you don't care about what they think or their opinions unless they are the same as yours - that's massively disrespectful.

mirime · 30/04/2016 16:13

I used to work in retail and we had beautiful silk party dresses for 3-8 year old that were only £30 so cheaper than a lot of not quite as nice official bridesmaid dresses. We sold loads of them for use as bridesmaids dresses, so there can be a lot of crossover between bridesmaid and party dresses.

I think I'd check that it wasn't too similar to the actual bridesmaid dresses and if it's not, fine. She's 6, so a good quality, pretty princess dress is always going to be at risk of looking a bit like a bridesmaid dress.

Must say, if it was me getting married, I wouldn't be bothered.

hownottofuckup · 30/04/2016 16:18

Oh come off it the bride's dress is in a different league.
Honestly you don't get all this fuss over the men's suits do you!

TheDowagerCuntess · 30/04/2016 19:38

I went to a wedding last month, and there were a few little girls floating around in white. Some of them were bridesmaids (including the B&G's DD), but I'm sure not all of them where.

We got chatting to one couple with a 1YO DD. She was dressed in a white dress with little white shoes. She looked delightful. It didn't occur to me to think that the parents might have an agenda, and were 'so precious' that they couldn't bear for the attention to be on anyone but their DD. Because they seemed like really lovely people, and were good friends of the B&G.

Not one of the actual little bridemaids noticed, let alone cared that there was at least one non-bridesmaid girl dressed in white, because they were having far too much fun with all the other kids there.

I find the idea of girls getting upset because another child has (more than likely inadvertently) upstaged them, quite unpalatable. If it were my daughter, I'd be telling her to take a deep breath and to get over herself quickly, and to go back and enjoy herself. Which she would, if a big deal wasn't made about it.

Pandering to it, on the other hand, and making her think she had an actual grievance is just Shock to my mind.

I cannot imagine this thread playing out over on Dadsnet, with the genders reversed, in a million years. And that says a lot about us.

PrimalLass · 30/04/2016 21:10

People would read into it exactly what you thought. Which is that you don't give a shit what the people whose wedding it is want.

For fucks sake. How many more times do I have to say that it's just that it WOULDN'T HAVE CROSSED MY MIND IN THE FIRST PLACE. Not that I'd go ahead and do it anyway.

And it's not egocentric to think that there are bigger problems in the works. It is true.

SuburbanRhonda · 30/04/2016 21:37

No, I said it was egocentric to think that because you wouldn't be bothered, no-one else should be. That your version of reality is the only version of reality.

PrimalLass · 30/04/2016 21:39

I give up.

Rainbowlou1 · 30/04/2016 21:40

My 9 yr old cousin came to my wedding wearing an ivory floaty monsoon number and it didn't bother me a bit, but it did give other family members lots to gossip about!!
At my sister in laws wedding my 7 yr old daughter wore a beautiful floaty red dress with matching hair accessories...I had no idea it was her exact colour scheme and the bridesmaids had the same hair clips in Blush

Narp · 01/05/2016 07:29

TheDowager

I agree, especially with your last sentence.

BillSykesDog · 01/05/2016 12:05

Primal, it might not have occurred to you. But it has definitely occurred to the OP. And despite the fact you've seen on this thread that it can cause issues, your attitude is still 'Well I'm right, anybody who thinks differently from me is wrong and their feelings don't matter because they're different from mine and therefore should be ignored'.

FWIW, this didn't happen at my wedding but would have been a huge headache if it had and I was the furthest thing from a Bridezilla possible. I got married in a register office then went for a buffet in a pub. I didn't even have bridesmaids, I had a best woman who was an adult. I had a niece who it would have been nice to have as a flower girl, but we didn't ask because her mother is a rude aggressive nightmare who hates her in laws and gets a huge kick out of ruining family occasions. If her mother had an opportunity to be involved with the run up it would have been horrendous and I would have had to take months of abuse, weekly phone calls complaining and probably some sort of stunt on the day designed to upset me like pulling her or ruining the dress, or something anyway.

So her daughter wasn't asked. It took a lot of handling with kid gloves to get SIL to behave herself anything like remotely human on the wedding day. But I imagine if another child had arrived in a bridesmaids dress that would have been enough to make her explode and she would have kicked off in such a way everyone knew about it which in the past has been horrendous including on one occasion violence against my elderly MIL. The alternative is that my BIL and niece who DH and I love very much couldn't be there, because they wouldn't be allowed without her. But I suppose not wanting a huge row at my wedding makes me a narrow minded petty bridezilla?

Fortunately none of my guests were inconsiderate enough to do that.

PrimalLass · 01/05/2016 12:37

I see, but it is ok for you to think this?

You are so precious about your child you couldn't bear the fact that for one day they're not going to be in the spotlight so you've dressed them up to get attention'.

Making judgements on people's thoughts and attitudes and assuming the worst, as you repeatedly do to me here.

Again, I wouldn't ignore someone's feelings on purpose, and would not 'step out of line'. But I might accidentally, as might any of us, if I didn't know something was likely to be a problem.

It's just lovely to know all the judging and whispering that would be going on.

PrimalLass · 01/05/2016 12:39

Hiding thread now, as it is winding me up.

NeedACleverNN · 01/05/2016 12:40

I really don't get this issue..
Every wedding I've been too, little girls have worn the big floaty dresses.

EponasWildDaughter · 01/05/2016 12:51

I think there's three different discussions here that are getting mixed up.

There are

  1. responses saying what is the best thing for the OP to do
  2. responses about if they personally would care about this issue.
  3. responses discussing weather it should matter to anyone else or not.

The thing is the OP has asked what's best to do., and the best thing to do at social gatherings is make sure you don't piss anyone off.

So ask or choose another dress is my advice to OP. (which has been the advice from the start)

BillSykesDog · 01/05/2016 13:18

Yes. I do think that. Because anyone with half a brain would realise that it could cause problems and wouldn't do it. And as this thread has shown, most of the people who would do it have the attitude of 'Do what you like, it's what I think and you think that matters and nobody else.' So yes, people who are so precious they put wanting to put their daughter in what could well be an inappropriate choice of dress is far more important than anybody else's thoughts or feelings.

Original poster
Notthinkingclearly · 01/05/2016 13:45

Gosh I never thought that my dilema would cause so much duscussion. I have found out from another family member that there are only 4 children invited to the wedding all boys apart from my dd. The bride is having 6 adult bridesmaids all wearing pale grey/ blue. The little boys that are going have all been bought smart suits (they are not Paige boys) so I don't think the dress will too much of an issue.

OP posts:
diddl · 01/05/2016 14:20

Sounds as if it'll be OK then.

How old are the boys?

I wonder if anyone will be thinking that their parents are PA hinting that they should have been pageboys?HmmGrin

MB34 · 01/05/2016 20:15

I'd still think about buying a different dress OP or maybe asking the bride what she thinks.

At my wedding, I had 2 bridesmaids in blue and my niece (7 year old) as a flower girl in white. The only other child coming was my friend's 4 year daughter - she was dressed in...a white dress!

At the time I was a bit miffed as she was a few of the main shots (but the photographer knew she wasn't in the bridal party) and I did wonder if her mother had done it to try and include her more in the day.

However, as they are very close friends of mine, I didn't lose any sleep over it and over time, have thought that it was lovely if the little girl thought she was included more than she should have been. I hope she remembers it fondly, as do I, especially as they had travelled 4 hours to come to my wedding.
If it had been someone I didn't know very well, I think I would have been a bit more miffed!

Although, we are all different so, as I said, maybe you should ask the bride outright.

eddielizzard · 01/05/2016 20:22

if i were you i wouldn't but as you're clearly set on it i would run it past the bride. i would not just turn up and 'hope it's ok'.