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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To dress 6 year old dd in a bridesmaid type dress to a wedding

461 replies

Notthinkingclearly · 29/04/2016 12:44

Dd is 6 and has always loved the beautiful frothy dresses in shops designed as bridesmaid dresses. We are going to a family wedding in a few weeks and I spotted a beautiful dress from john Lewis in a charity shop for £10. Very similar currently selling for £60. I bought her a cheap pink bollero cardigan to wear over the top. It is cream with a bow at the back. Now worried that I will offend the bride as I guess it was designed as a bridesmaid dress but I just thought it would be a chance for dd to wear a proper princess type dress.. I don't even know who she has as bridesmaids as I don't know her very well and would never have expected her to ask dd. Should I let dd wear the dress?

OP posts:

Voteforpedr0 · 01/05/2016 20:24

I'd like people to come dress in whatever they wished to. Let her wear whatever she wants to, there are issues that matter in life like chidren starving to death all over the world right now, a child not wearing a particular dress for a day incase it caused offence is not.

CrushedCan · 01/05/2016 20:25

go for it! She's only 6 and deserves to feel like a princess like every little girl should!

BrowncoatsUnite · 01/05/2016 20:27

She's a kid. Let her wear whatever. Even if it looks like a bridesmaid. So what? Why I people so uptight with who looks like what. Unless she suddenly starts doing bridesmaid things, I don't personally see it as a problem.

BrowncoatsUnite · 01/05/2016 20:29

Also if the bride is upset by one girl's dress on her wedding day, you should stop being friends because she's a crazy control freak and you don't need that negativity in your life.

herethereandeverywhere · 01/05/2016 20:29

I've been to a wedding where someone had done this and it just looked like the parents were making a point about their daughter not being a bridesmaid. No idea if that was the intention, but that's what it looked like. All the photos of family groups looked really odd as the non-bridesmaid really stood out as matching the wedding party but not being with the wedding party.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 01/05/2016 20:32

I wouldn't run it past the bride - she has a lot more important things to be sorting out than what the OP's daughter will wear to her wedding.

If someone had asked me when I was planning my wedding what their daughter should wear to my wedding I would have told them, politely, that they should be able to decide that themselves and showing up in a white/ivory/cream coloured dress was off limits.

The OP should just pick a different dress and let her DD wear this pretty dress another time. She has had loads of people saying that she shouldn't put her daughter in this dress, pretty as it may be, and show up to a wedding in it. She just shouldn't. It's not the done thing at weddings.

Floggingmolly · 01/05/2016 20:38

Even if it looks like a bridesmaid. So what?. Because it's someone else's wedding day, and they haven't asked the child to be a bridesmaid; ensuring that the mother who dresses her as one will look like a loon.

iwuddarryl · 01/05/2016 20:38

I haven;t read the whole thread, but for what it's worth, you would have to be seriously immature, not to mention insecure to be upset of a child wearing a dress that was a bit bridesmaidy looking.

Most little girl's party dresses have a bridesmaid look about them.

OnTique · 01/05/2016 20:39

Agree with BillSykes 100%.

Zoefitness · 01/05/2016 20:40

You'd have to be a real bridezilla to care about this!
But maybe if you don't know her that well, it's probably best to ask her because you don't know how she will react. Could cause problems in the future..if you care?

Zoefitness · 01/05/2016 20:43

Totally agree with browncoatsunite

CharlieSierra · 01/05/2016 20:47

The bride is having 6 adult bridesmaids all wearing pale grey/ blue. The little boys that are going have all been bought smart suits (they are not Paige boys) so I don't think the dress will too much of an issue
It will look like you have helpfully provided the flower girl she has clearly decided she doesn't want. But you have obviously decided that your DDs desire to wear the dress is the most important thing OP, however many people tell you it's crass and tasteless to do it.

PsammeadPaintedTheLion · 01/05/2016 20:52

Little girls wears pretty dress.

World explodes.

Christ.

SwearyKitten · 01/05/2016 20:53

Don't send her down the aisle and you're fine.

If the bride or groom give a shit about what a 6 year old is wearing on their wedding day they're doing something wrong. And also they're arseholes and you don't need to worry about them.

I wouldn't suggest you wearing Scythian similar though.

Oakmaiden · 01/05/2016 20:56

I doubt the bride will even notice what a 6 year old is wearing...

iwuddarryl · 01/05/2016 20:56

I went to a wedding last month, and there were a few little girls floating around in white. Some of them were bridesmaids (including the B&G's DD), but I'm sure not all of them where.

We got chatting to one couple with a 1YO DD. She was dressed in a white dress with little white shoes. She looked delightful. It didn't occur to me to think that the parents might have an agenda, and were 'so precious' that they couldn't bear for the attention to be on anyone but their DD. Because they seemed like really lovely people, and were good friends of the B&G.

Not one of the actual little bridemaids noticed, let alone cared that there was at least one non-bridesmaid girl dressed in white, because they were having far too much fun with all the other kids there.

I find the idea of girls getting upset because another child has (more than likely inadvertently) upstaged them, quite unpalatable. If it were my daughter, I'd be telling her to take a deep breath and to get over herself quickly, and to go back and enjoy herself. Which she would, if a big deal wasn't made about it.

Pandering to it, on the other hand, and making her think she had an actual grievance is just shock to my mind.

I cannot imagine this thread playing out over on Dadsnet, with the genders reversed, in a million years. And that says a lot about us.

yes to everything you've said

iwuddarryl · 01/05/2016 21:04

Let her wear whatever she wants to, there are issues that matter in life like chidren starving to death all over the world right now, a child not wearing a particular dress for a day incase it caused offence is not

Ah, but it's the bride's speshul day! A little girl turning up wearing the WRONG THING is a major crisis in some people's eyes.
It could ruin the whole day!

She might even be in some of the bridal party photos by ACCIDENT! and horror

KayTee87 · 01/05/2016 21:08

Aww surely no one could object to something a 6 year old is wearing? An adult guest at my wedding wore a floor length white dress and I didn't even notice until someone pointed it out to me - not sure what they expected me to say. You're so happy on your wedding day you don't care about these things - well I didn't anyway. I might have thought I would have cared in the run up but on the day itself you're buzzing

SuperFlyHigh · 01/05/2016 21:09

Do what you want OP, I don't know why you bothered to ask for opinions to be honest.

If I were a bride I don't think I'd have noticed or cared (depending if I was a bridezilla or not) but some people and little girls in the bridal party who were or weren't bridesmaids and flowergirls might have been offended and upset.

When DB got married to SIL there were about 5 BMs and 1 flower girl and my DBs close male friend who was one of 5 best men (yes I know!) has 3 DDs all under 10 at the time 1 of whom was Dbs goddaughter. For some reason bride could not or it was too late to ask them to be flowergirls but they all dressed in matching very pretty non bridal party dresses and just enjoyed the day. There was also another little girl relative of someone invited at last minute and she was dressed in a very pretty party dress again non bridal.

I think personally it's quite rude to think of yourself and your DD and to go blindly ahead and let her wear the obviously BM/flowergirl dress "because she wants to". But you're letting her wear this either way as you don't want DD upset whereas I'm sure you could find a lovely very pretty dress and save The other dress for another occasion or party. Your needs trump the brides and bridal party. Well done you.

TudorLady · 01/05/2016 21:10

FFS just ask the bride and groom. Seriously. A bunch of strangers cannot tell you what they will think/the ins and outs of their wedding/family shite.

SwearyKitten · 01/05/2016 21:11

Well, exactly that.

albertcampionscat · 01/05/2016 21:13

She's 6. Who the hell cares what a 6 year old wears to a wedding?

Momoftwoscallywags · 01/05/2016 21:15

All the little ones that came to my wedding were boys and they all looked so smart and cute. I would not have minded a little girl in a pretty dress/bridesmaid dress, it would have been lovely. IMO you would really, really, really have to be very narcissistic to be bothered about a pretty dress on a little girl even on your wedding day.

honeyroar · 01/05/2016 21:31

If the bolero is a different colour to the colour scheme of the wedding I don't think it's a problem, surely, unless you're going to add bouquet or a basket of flower petals, of course!

AgentPineapple · 01/05/2016 21:37

She's 6 ffs, of course it's ok, if it offends the bride then she is a twat.

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