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AIBU?

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Original poster

To dress 6 year old dd in a bridesmaid type dress to a wedding

461 replies

Notthinkingclearly · 29/04/2016 12:44

Dd is 6 and has always loved the beautiful frothy dresses in shops designed as bridesmaid dresses. We are going to a family wedding in a few weeks and I spotted a beautiful dress from john Lewis in a charity shop for £10. Very similar currently selling for £60. I bought her a cheap pink bollero cardigan to wear over the top. It is cream with a bow at the back. Now worried that I will offend the bride as I guess it was designed as a bridesmaid dress but I just thought it would be a chance for dd to wear a proper princess type dress.. I don't even know who she has as bridesmaids as I don't know her very well and would never have expected her to ask dd. Should I let dd wear the dress?

OP posts:
Welshmaenad · 30/04/2016 10:25

God, it wouldn't have bothered me at all at my wedding.

My friend got married recently and there were ten or eleven little girls invited. We spent hours scouring eBay for matching Monsoon floaty dresses and coloured converse all stars in the appropriate colours and they were ALL - including my DD - bridesmaids. It was bloody gorgeous. Flocks of ethereal princesses running around the grounds in chiffon elven gowns. Everyone should do it. If I get married again I will!

Welshmaenad · 30/04/2016 10:26

Appropriate SIZES

Sixweekstowait · 30/04/2016 10:26

Wow - this thread has turned into a good reason to have child free wedding! We went to a wedding just weeks after my ( then 9 year old) dd had been a bm. The dress was beautiful and was incredibly expensive ( we didn't pay) and it seemed a shame not to give it another outing. It never crossed my mind it might be a problem ( but it was pre- bridezilla days). As it happened , there was one bm and she wore a black dress exactly the same style as the bride - apparently it was some sort of statement about being an alter-ego Confused. Fast forward two decades and at said dd's wedding, best man's ( and groom's brother) daughter ( and not a bm) turned up in a beautiful Monsoon dress - probably a flower girl's dress - she was 4 - everyone thought she looked lovely and she was much photographed. The guests all seemed to have much better things to talk about other than was she being used to upstage the bride or if it was a great clonking hint that she'd wanted to be a bm. Having said all that, given current tendencies, I would ask the bride - I liked Tendon's email suggestion

Swirlingasong · 30/04/2016 10:28

Totally agree, Bill, it often seems that people think it's unreasonable for a bride and groom to have an opinion about anything.

Part of taking children to social occasions is that they learn how the world works. Why would anyone want to teach their child that it's ok to risk upsetting someone on a special day?

Treeroot · 30/04/2016 10:28

How about customising it so it looks less like a bridesmaid dress? You could replace the ribbon and bow with a coloured one, something like this. There's lots of other things you could do too with buttons, beads, sequins, whatever!

To dress 6 year old dd in a bridesmaid type dress to a wedding
Sixweekstowait · 30/04/2016 10:29

Nikki I was very impressed that the dresses were of the appropriate colour scheme but wow what if they had clashed?

PrimalLass · 30/04/2016 10:31

Regardless of whether or not the bride minds (and I think a lot would) an awful lot of people at the wedding are going to think exactly the same thing. That this mother is so wrapped up in her child and convinced the world revolves around her that she can't bear the idea of one day where the attention is not centred on her child

Then they are really not very nice people if that is the assumption they jump to, rather than just 'little girl in nice dress'.

SuburbanRhonda · 30/04/2016 10:33

Why do people think it matters what they would do? The OP has been given advice (check with the bride - and groom, if necessary) but has chosen to ignore it and says her DD is going to wear the dress anyway.

Sounds likes she's being a guest-zilla Grin

dementedpixie · 30/04/2016 10:34

It's just a dress and loads of party dresses look like bridesmaid dresses. I'd let her wear it

Nikkinackienoo · 30/04/2016 10:34

Bourdic I was just making a point that they looked even more like bridesmaids because of the colour.
Everybody has colour schemes to weddings....don't they?

Pinkcadillac · 30/04/2016 10:35

I went once to a wedding as a guest of the bride wearing a dress bought from the bridesmaid dresses section of an online shop. I didn't carry flowers and had a clutch, jacket and not matching shoes. I don't think people thought I was a bridesmaid.

I think it's the same thing here, just a pretty dress, wedding appropriate. Just don't give her flowers to carry, don't put flowers on her head and accessory it with a colourful cardigan. And don't make her walk in front of the bride when she enters the church Smile

rainbowrocks · 30/04/2016 10:37

I've done it for my DD when she was younger. I think she was about 6 at the time.

She wore simular to what you've described. Hers was almost down to the floor.

I found out the wedding party was white and purple theme so I bought her gold glitter shoes and a yellow/gold bolero and with the bolero it totally changed the look of the dress and it wasn't too ott or bridesmaidy.

As long as the bolero isn't the same colour as the bridal party I don't see a problem with it at all.

cowssheephens · 30/04/2016 10:37

Let her wear it. Looks lovely and hope your DD has a great day.

Sixweekstowait · 30/04/2016 10:38

Primal - yyyyy. I really can't imagine knowing people like that. Some of us clearly live in bubbles where we know people who just smile fondly at nicely dressed children at weddings ( boys and girls), let them dance with you whilst standing on your toes and love seeing them at the end of the day dishevelled and messy having had a great time - that's learning about how to live in society.

dowhatnow · 30/04/2016 10:45

What's happened to etiquette? It's not an awful crime but It wouldn't be a great decision.

Floisme · 30/04/2016 10:45

Everyone has colour schemes at their wedding?
Confused
Ok I'm off. I am clearly out of my league here.

SuburbanRhonda · 30/04/2016 10:49

My DSis was invited to our cousins wedding in the U.S.

The bride who was a professional organiser of some sort, instructed all the guests to wear the same colour (kind of real / dark aqua colour) and sent them brochures for outfitters to buy their outfit from.

The wedding photos look like some kind of cult thing.

SuburbanRhonda · 30/04/2016 10:49
  • teal
CodyKing · 30/04/2016 10:50

Everyone has colour schemes at their wedding?

How have you not noticed this?

Waltermittythesequel · 30/04/2016 10:51

I don't know why some posters are tripping over themselves trying to outdo each other in the not caring department.

Well, we got married in a barn with only a cow as a witness. Everyone else is just so precious.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with a bride looking forward to her wedding or wanting it to be a special day.

And if she has flower girls, it's because those children are special to her or the groom in some way.

Yes, OP could show up to the wedding with her dd in a flower girls dress because she's only six, but why would she? Why, when there are hundreds and hundreds of other dresses she could wear?

Swirlingasong · 30/04/2016 10:54

Bourdic, that sounds a lovely bubble but some of us also have to contend with people like my elderly relation who would leave no one in any doubt that she thought a 'bridesmaid' who wasn't a bridesmaid was a faux pas. Most 6 year olds would understand that there was something wrong with their dress but not what the problem was exactly.

How is it kind to potentially put a child in this position? The OP has no idea if my relative is attending this wedding.

SymbollocksInteractionism · 30/04/2016 10:59

Suburban that's bonkers!! What kind of person would order guests what to wear?? Madness!! I honestly don't know anyone in RL who would do this!

purplefizz26 · 30/04/2016 11:04

As long as it isn't the same or similar to the wedding colour them, I wouldn't worrySmile
Weddings are for dressing up!

WhatchaMaCalllit · 30/04/2016 11:06

That dress is too much like a flowergirl/bridesmaid dress for the hassle that it would cause (and it would). It is also suitable as a first communion dress (if the need should arise).

With all of the beautiful dresses out there for girls, why would you settle on this one?

Spudlet · 30/04/2016 11:19

It's a pretty dress. Put it with a cute cardi and shoes and I don't think it's an issue unless by coincidence, it happens to be the same dress that any bridesmaids are having. Which could be quickly cleared up with an email.

'Oh hi bride, hope you're ok! DD has found this pretty dress and is dying to wear it to your wedding. Just thought I'd better drop you a quick email to make sure your bridesmaids aren't wearing anything too similar though! Really looking forward to the day, hope all the preparations are going well, etc etc'.

Drama over.