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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dress 6 year old dd in a bridesmaid type dress to a wedding

461 replies

Notthinkingclearly · 29/04/2016 12:44

Dd is 6 and has always loved the beautiful frothy dresses in shops designed as bridesmaid dresses. We are going to a family wedding in a few weeks and I spotted a beautiful dress from john Lewis in a charity shop for £10. Very similar currently selling for £60. I bought her a cheap pink bollero cardigan to wear over the top. It is cream with a bow at the back. Now worried that I will offend the bride as I guess it was designed as a bridesmaid dress but I just thought it would be a chance for dd to wear a proper princess type dress.. I don't even know who she has as bridesmaids as I don't know her very well and would never have expected her to ask dd. Should I let dd wear the dress?

OP posts:
rookiemere · 30/04/2016 11:20

Thedowager - in the situation where the sis turned up in the white dress, the BM was the least bridezilla person ever. She bought her dress from Ebay and they had their reception in the community hall with a layered cheeses cake instead of the traditional wedding cake.
She wasn't upset by what Sis was wearing, just the fact that she would deliberately choose something wildly inappropriate in order to make a statement. That, plus another of other horrendous things the Sis did made her no contact.

Whatcha - as an inveterate charity shop bargain hunter I can well imagine how OP bought the dress. She was looking for a dress for her DD and the dress is gorgeous and an absolute snip at the price. I guess it was only afterwards that the doubts crept in.

dowhatnow · 30/04/2016 11:20

I also know of weddings that have had colour schemes for the guests to wear.

TheDowagerCuntess · 30/04/2016 11:26

I don't blame her rookie - the dress was clearly a symptom of a much bigger person, but just wanted to say that it's not the bride who comes out of that situation looking lesser, it's definitely the attention-seeking upstager.

TheDowagerCuntess · 30/04/2016 11:27

*bigger problem

echt · 30/04/2016 11:27

OP, by posting this thread, you know it's not OK.

rookiemere · 30/04/2016 11:33

I think contacting the bride is not the right thing to do. The OP's DD should either wear the dress or not, but bringing the B2B into the equation just makes it all super awkward and IMHO a bit ruder than actually just going in the dress.

If the B2B is a normal person and she doesn't want the DD to wear the dress then she'll probably be worried about sounding a bit princess by saying that. Or equally if she doesn't mind either way, she may be scratching her head as to why her wedding guests were suddenly running their outfits past her when she's already got ten zillion other things to arrange for the day.

CuntyMcCuntface · 30/04/2016 11:34

My DDs wore bridesmaidy dresses to my cousin's wedding. They were different from each other's and wildly different from the actual bridesmaids. I okayed it with the bride first (she'd been at the function the dresses were originally worn). If she'd not been happy I would have worn something else on my kids.

CuntyMcCuntface · 30/04/2016 11:36

Actually my cousin was so unbridezilla I doubt if she'd have cared if someone turned up in a wedding dress and veil. Grin

SuburbanRhonda · 30/04/2016 11:39

I'm sorry, spudlet, but that message is awful.

It's exactly the sort of thing designed to sound all chatty and "bubbly" when actually you're asking the bride to just suck up the fact that you intend to bring your DD to the wedding dresses as a bridesmaid.

SuburbanRhonda · 30/04/2016 11:40

And it would be a lie because it was the OP who found the dress, not her DD.

hownottofuckup · 30/04/2016 11:42

Let her wear it! It's such a non issue I wouldn't give it a second thought.
It looks lovely too btw and well done on such a great bargain Smile

Narp · 30/04/2016 11:59

Bill

are you seriously suggesting that a 6 year old in a cream dress would take the attention away from the Bride

Seriously????

BlueFolly · 30/04/2016 12:01

I'm loving the term mumzilla!

Spudlet · 30/04/2016 12:02

Blimey suburbanrhonda, you read a lot into things.

BlueFolly · 30/04/2016 12:03

I recon that people on here are about 50/50 split (haven't actually counted) in which case why would you risk it?

Narp · 30/04/2016 12:14

Also, what is this about "attention" on the bride (the bride, not the groom)

The wedding would not exist were it not for the bride. the bride sent out the invitations. People will be watching the bride. Buying gifts for the bride. Talking to the bride
If that is not enough 'attention' then.....

pinkerpeony · 30/04/2016 12:16

It's a really pretty dress.
But if there's the slightest chance you could offend any other member of the wedding party it would be safer and more polite to buy her an ordinary summer frock.

SuburbanRhonda · 30/04/2016 12:43

It's doesn't need any "reading into", spudlet. The message is obsequious.

But it doesn't really matter because the OP thinks she's right and is going to dress her DD as a bridesmaid anyway.

blueskyinmarch · 30/04/2016 12:49

Who on earth would be cross with a 6yo in a pretty dress? She isn’t dressing her DD as a bridesmaid because her DD isn’t a bridesmaid. Just a kid in a lovely frock.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/04/2016 13:09

"Neither me or my RL friends would give a monkeys about a 6 year old wearing a pretty dress to a wedding but then none of us are attention seeking bridezilla arseholes!!"

And therein lies the point, Symbollocks - most of us aren't attention-seeking, bridezilla arseholes - but as threads on here have shown me, some are - and I wouldn't want to risk a scene at the wedding or afterwards that might upset my child.

"Who on earth would be cross with a 6yo in a pretty dress? She isn’t dressing her DD as a bridesmaid because her DD isn’t a bridesmaid. Just a kid in a lovely frock."

You're right - most people wouldn't be cross, bluesky - but the sort of person who would, could also be the sort of person who would go nuclear about it, either at the wedding or afterwards. You could argue that you shouldn't pander to such people, but would it really be worth the fall-out?

I've said several times - I'd get a different dress, and then the dd would have two lovely party frocks to enjoy, and the OP would eliminate the risk of upsetting the bride (or others at the wedding. Seems like the most sensible option to me.

sashh · 30/04/2016 13:10

She'd have to be a serious bridezilla to get upset by a 6 year old wearing a pretty dress. I wouldn't worry

That depends. I have seen a 6 year old turn up at an adult only wedding dressed like a bridesmaid, but then this bride has invited the child so it is different.

Is the bride having bridesmaids? Adult or child? What is her colour scheme?

I'd call and check with the bride.

BillSykesDog · 30/04/2016 13:17

Narp, I haven't suggested anywhere that the problem would be with a six year old upstaging the bride. I don't think anybody has.

But what I (and several other people have pointed out) is that it causes other problems. Mainly ones which involve other children who haven't been asked to be bridesmaids (but are a lot closer to the bride) or children who actually are bridesmaids who are upset when another little girl turns up and upstages them and makes something which was special for them into something not so special.

It's a particular problem because those froo froo frothy dresses are to a lot of people a bit old fashioned and tacky anyway. A lot of little bridesmaids wear what are essentially floaty summer dresses now and not yards of netting. So, yes, if a little girl turns up wearing one of them it sticks out like a sore thumb.

People are asked to be in a wedding party as a recognition of their close relationship with a bride or groom. It is special and will be something that they may only do once.

So somebody elseover dressing their kid to look like a member of the wedding party and steal the thunder of little kids who actually are in the wedding party is just fucking rude.

And while it doesn't make me think anything about the child, I do look at the parents and think 'You are so precious about your child you couldn't bear the fact that for one day they're not going to be in the spotlight so you've dressed them up to get attention'.

It's not saying that the bride is being upstaged to point out that dressing your child as a bridesmaid at a wedding where they are not a bridesmaid is rude, attention seeking and says that you don't give a shit about the feelings of the people involved in the wedding. They come second to your little princesses right to float round done up like a dogs dinner in something out of the early 00s.

SuburbanRhonda · 30/04/2016 13:20

I agree in reflection that it wouldn't be right to ask the bride. No-one would want to say no to such a request and it would put the bride in a difficult position. I think the OP should save the dress for another time.

The best outcome would be for her DD to wear the dress before the big day and get it covered in something that didn't wash out Grin

PrimalLass · 30/04/2016 13:31

And while it doesn't make me think anything about the child, I do look at the parents and think 'You are so precious about your child you couldn't bear the fact that for one day they're not going to be in the spotlight so you've dressed them up to get attention'.

And as I said above, IMO that reflects more on you.

BillSykesDog · 30/04/2016 13:39

And in my opinion the fact that you think people should just wear what they like without consideration for others reflects on you.

You think people should consider 'I want' and not give any thought to other people who whether you like it or not are much more important on that day.

Not dressing appropriately shows disrespect for an event and the people organising it. Which is basically what a lot of people on here are saying. 'What you want is what's important, sod anyone else'.

IMO that reflects just as much on you.

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