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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To seriously be considering basically throwing £20k down the toilet

301 replies

ahunter90 · 28/04/2016 20:52

Me and my DP of a year are due to go on the first leg of our RTW on Sunday. We are supposed to be going away for 13 months.

Past couple of weeks he has been getting more and more distant. We usually talk 2/3 times a day and usually Skype (we live 100 miles away from each other at the moment) and text during the day. Two weeks a go we would only text, now he won't even respond to texts and then noticed today (after getting a message notification from a mutual friend) that he has changed his relationship status to "single" on Facebook.

Called his Mum today and told her unless he contacted me today- I wouldn't be going away with him. Got to three hours later and still hadn't heard from him. Texted him and told him I would be calling the insurance company to see what could be done re money and cancelling if I didn't hear from him within the hour. Reply within 30 seconds to tell me he was driving over to "talk".

To cut a long story short- he has admitted to have been sleeping with someone else for the past 3 months and that he thinks he's falling for her but he thinks going away will help him get over her.

I'm devastated- a) because he has broken my heart and b) i've paid for 75% of the trip and it's taken me years to save up for it and I honestly don't think I could spend 12 months seeing his face everyday and it being the only friendly face around me.

I just don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Arfarfanarf · 29/04/2016 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 29/04/2016 12:20

What's your plan? Do you have a route set out? As others have said, I bet there'll be someone on here in each of those destinations that you could chat with and who would be willing to meet up even. It would be amazing! Grin

Malvolia · 29/04/2016 12:24

Good on you for getting a grip on the situation and not letting it trickle on because of the trip. Honestly, as others have said, you will encounter numberless other solo travellers, so you will have as much company as you like. My cousin is a few months into a year-long solo trip around south America and is having a ball and from meeting people in hostels and on buses, has a nice combination of solitude and company, and various rendezvous arranged with new friends a month down the line in a different country.

I do think that in the nicest possible way that you were completely mad to pay for most of a 13 month RTW trip with someone you've been with for a year in a long distance relationship. But go on the trip, have the time of your life, and see who else is out there.

SurlyValentine · 29/04/2016 12:34

What a fucking spineless twat your ExP is. So sorry he's done this to you Flowers

He's taken the last three months off you, while he's been merrily shagging away, but don't let him take this potentially amazing, life-changing trip away from you as well.

Definitely go on your own, and if friends and/or family can meet you at certain points, would that help your anxiety at all?

Be brave OP, you can absolutely do this! Smile

OnlyLovers · 29/04/2016 12:39

Screw him.

Haven't RTFT, sorry, but do you have a good friend/family member who could accompany you? It wouldn't cost as much to change the tickets as to cancel the trip completely.

If you can organise a set-up that works for you, then GO! and have the time of your life.

nonicknameseemsavailable · 29/04/2016 12:45

I get really anxious and I went travelling on my own - I was in a right state at the airport before I left but once the plane took off I was away. I learned so much about myself on that trip round the world, saw places I hadn't dreamed I would, met new people, tried new things and realised I was just as capable of doing it all on my own as anyone else was x

mummyhat · 29/04/2016 12:48

Oh my God please do go (alone)...it will be the best thing you ever did and the beginning of a life you never dreamed of. I'm sorry for what has happened to you but you must take this opportunity and look at it as a lucky escape (in time)...sending you steel balls and a hugWink

Enjoyingthepeace · 29/04/2016 12:53

Can't believe so many have been urging the op to go despite fact she is very clear that she suffers from anxiety and panic attacks. Would you be happy with your own daughter doing a rtw trip, alone, suffering from anxiety and panic attacks? Hmmm I didn't think so.

RattusRattus · 29/04/2016 12:59

Enjoy - I think what people are hoping is that if she does go she regains her confidence. If she goes knowing that she can come back whenever she wants to then she may be able to face it as it then becomes less daunting.

Enjoyingthepeace · 29/04/2016 13:02

I think posters here have given well meaning advice but not actually advice they would give to their own daughter.

I would say....postpone the trip. Let's see about getting some treatment for your anxiety and panic attacks, and let's get you in a good strong place BEFORE you embark on a round the world trip alone.

ClashCityRocker · 29/04/2016 13:03

How do round the world tickets work? Is there a set itinerary or is it a bit like a day ticket on the tube?

Enjoyingthepeace · 29/04/2016 13:03

Oh my God please do go (alone)...it will be the best thing you ever did and the beginning of a life you never dreamed of. I'm sorry for what has happened to you but you must take this opportunity and look at it as a lucky escape (in time)...sending you steel balls and a

What? Are you being serious? So the op should with that kind of expectation?

RattusRattus · 29/04/2016 13:04

Mine was a set itinerary but you can buy flexible tickets. This was along time ago though!

nauticant · 29/04/2016 13:07

I'm with you Enjoyingthepeace. It feels like what posters want the OP to do rather than what the OP might actually want to do.

dontcallmecis · 29/04/2016 13:08

I'd give the same advice to my daughter! I'd worry myself sick, mind, but I'd give her the advice.

I'll tell them to never, ever give up opportunities for a boyfriend. Job, travel, whatever.

LitteRedSparkle · 29/04/2016 13:12

Oh OP - i hope you have the courage to go on this trip, remember "Regret the things you did, not those you didnt do!!!!"

i'm routing for you!

Pauline73 · 29/04/2016 13:18

Please please please consider going on your own. I know this will have had a huge knock on your confidence but I am sure you will have a wonderful experience travelling on your own.

As previously suggested, can a friend/family member come in the initial leg? You tend to bump into the same people again and again when travelling so making new friends tends to get easier.

Could you maybe join some organised trips for the first few weeks to meet some new people?

Please consider going alone. You don't need this guy and he has behaved atrociously to you.

Big hugs and hope you make the best decision for you.

Ps - if you do go, keep us all updated on your travels. 😊

WriteforFun · 29/04/2016 13:20

OP what did the insurance say?
I think it's completely fine of you don't want to go
I am wondering if they will allow a postponement or partial refunds etc

I guess it can't be just the tickets at that price though? When I did RTW with a friend, it was ticket only, we did accommodation separately and quite late as we had a friend to stay with when we arrived.

SeaLionsOnMyShirt · 29/04/2016 13:25

Another one saying go by yourself if you possibly can bear to. Seriously, you will have more fun and meet more people travelling by yourself - I always found when I travelled in a couple or with a friend that we didn't make as much of an effort to meet other travellers, whereas when I went alone I did make that effort (and I also suffered from anxiety/panic attacks, but actually, travelling by myself helped me get over it to some extent at the time) and I met some fantastic, friendly like minded companions. It made the whole RTW experience much better. Book some organised trips when you get to your destinations, & stay in hostels & make that effort to join in with whats going on. Get on the Lonely Planet boards & ask around there for some advice on where to stay & where to meet people.
Good luck, and have a fantastic time, keep us all updated.

Silvercatowner · 29/04/2016 13:35

Another one saying 'don't go if you don't want to'. I wouldn't.

Goingtobeawesome · 29/04/2016 13:39

I think he wants this trip. Will try and get sex off you, say all the right things then drop you once home as his feelings are too strong and he can't get over her.

All while spending your money.

chanelfreak · 29/04/2016 13:42

I think you need to go OP - if you don't go (by yourself obviously, leave that asshat at home) then it is something that might only exacerbate your anxiety, as I'm sure you will start beating yourself up about losing all that money and cancelling the trip.

As someone else upthread said, you can always try it and come back if it doesnt work out. And that is advice that I would give my son/daughter.

EnterFunnyNameHere · 29/04/2016 13:42

Oh, so he thinks going away for a year on a holiday he has only contributed 25% to might help him over the fact he's a cheating twunt? How generous of him!

If you seriously don't think you could cope going on your own don't feel like you have to (that really would be cutting off your nose to spite your face and I know I wouldn't be able to handle that!) but absolutely do not let him go!

What a total goon, he doesn't deserve to benefit from your hard savings. Maybe if you can't get all the money back you could exchange the remainder for some other kind of trip with friends / family? Give the provider a call, they might surprise you.

Flowers
GeezeLouiseBelcher · 29/04/2016 13:43

My mum gets terrible anxiety and panic attacks. She can't get even get in a taxi on her own. She'd never go into a cafe on her own for a coffee or anything. However, there was an emergency and she had to get a flight on her own and navigate airports, a different country, train travel etc and she did it! She cried for half the first flight mind you, but she's still friends with the lady who sat beside her and chatted with now! Smile

araiba · 29/04/2016 13:45

i would go on my own but if you want to then it isnt an option

next speak to the airline/ travel agent to see what options you have in terms of changing or cancelling the booking. as per 99% of people you probably bought the cheapest non refundable tickets which means you are screwed in terms of getting money back but i believe that you can claim back the tax proportion of it

i doubt insurance would cover "changing your mind" but always worth asking