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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To seriously be considering basically throwing £20k down the toilet

301 replies

ahunter90 · 28/04/2016 20:52

Me and my DP of a year are due to go on the first leg of our RTW on Sunday. We are supposed to be going away for 13 months.

Past couple of weeks he has been getting more and more distant. We usually talk 2/3 times a day and usually Skype (we live 100 miles away from each other at the moment) and text during the day. Two weeks a go we would only text, now he won't even respond to texts and then noticed today (after getting a message notification from a mutual friend) that he has changed his relationship status to "single" on Facebook.

Called his Mum today and told her unless he contacted me today- I wouldn't be going away with him. Got to three hours later and still hadn't heard from him. Texted him and told him I would be calling the insurance company to see what could be done re money and cancelling if I didn't hear from him within the hour. Reply within 30 seconds to tell me he was driving over to "talk".

To cut a long story short- he has admitted to have been sleeping with someone else for the past 3 months and that he thinks he's falling for her but he thinks going away will help him get over her.

I'm devastated- a) because he has broken my heart and b) i've paid for 75% of the trip and it's taken me years to save up for it and I honestly don't think I could spend 12 months seeing his face everyday and it being the only friendly face around me.

I just don't know what to do.

OP posts:
readingrainbow · 29/04/2016 16:12

Good for you!!

665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 29/04/2016 16:12

brilliant !!!!

countrybump · 29/04/2016 16:15

Well done - have a fabulous time!

CantFeelMyFace · 29/04/2016 16:15

You go girl! So pleased for you...Grin

expatinscotland · 29/04/2016 16:16

'And I was talking about fear not PTSD. My post was nothing to do with your problems. '

Nor did I say it did. I wrote that anxiety and panic attacks have many different causes. Some are caused by 'fear', others have entirely different causes and, since the OP hadn't been back to explain further, we have no idea what the source of hers is, so to assume it's caused by 'fear' and then tell her that the only way to get over that is to do something she has expressed no desire to do is presumptuous in the extreme.

As it turns out she has decided for herself.

But both anxiety and panic attacks can be very serious conditions with a multitude of causes and it's ignorant and irresponsible to presume these can be solved by 'facing fears' when we don't have a true idea of what the source of them is.

karalime · 29/04/2016 16:19

I'M SO EXCITED FOR YOU!

Scarydinosaurs · 29/04/2016 16:21

Great decision!!

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/04/2016 16:23

So glad. Now how are you going to keep us in the loop and get advice and, rather elderly in my case, travel tips? Blog? Thread on here?

Star
Tollygunge · 29/04/2016 16:27

I've travelled alone throughout most of the world in the past. If I can do it (I'm very dippy) anyone can. Done it in my teens and in my thirties. PM me if you've any questions.

Mamabear1980 · 29/04/2016 16:30

Yes yes yes! 👍

Bellasima20 · 29/04/2016 16:34

ahunter great decision, this will be the making of you and you will have such amazing adventures and now be free to meet other people. A holiday to the US where I split up with an ex out there- chucked him out of hotel room and continued on my own was one of the best holidays ever and I met so many fantastic people. Can not understand why you are paying him back the 25% cost of his trip though? Rather he should be paying YOU the 25% of the trip you paid for him. He cocked up, massively. Please don't give him any money, he made his bed l- et him lie in it.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 29/04/2016 16:34

Oh so so pleased to hear that OP.

Hope you have an amazing time!

gpignname · 29/04/2016 16:35

Fantastic that you are going yourself. But don't let him get away with it scot free - if you cant get a refund for his tickets, he should bear the costs not you - why would you have to pay him back? Or have I missed something here (haven't read the whole thread - just first and last page).

falange · 29/04/2016 16:42

Snakey bastard. Tell him to piss off.

WellErrr · 29/04/2016 16:43

I'm so pleased for you!!!!

Fuck that twat. Who wants to go around the world carrying a bastard with you like a millstone round your neck?

On your own, you'll meet more people, you'll do what YOU want, and you won't have to be anywhere near HIM. Win win win!!

Really pleased for you.
What did he say? Was he still hoping to go?

ChuffMuffin · 29/04/2016 16:45

Woohoo go you! You're gonna have an amazing time! Why don't you find out how much it would be to change the name on the ticket, and if you can, sell the spare ticket and add on the name change fee Smile

waitingforgodot · 29/04/2016 16:46

Amazing! What's your itinerary

oldmum22 · 29/04/2016 16:47

I am so happy for you ahunter90. I wish you every success and hope you have an amazing trip .

Please, if you are waiting at some soulless airport, update MN with your travel news .

Bon voyage

springydaffs · 29/04/2016 16:48

oh that's brilliant op!! Well done Flowers Wine Star Halo

I'm so glad you've decided to do this. Do read the posts on here when you get the chance - the woman's hour slot is also good.

Bravo! Bravo!

AbelMancwitch · 29/04/2016 16:49

Grin Star

ApocalypseSlough · 29/04/2016 16:54

💃🏼
You dancing around the world!!

Stormtreader · 29/04/2016 16:55

Yay! Excellent news!

Malvolia · 29/04/2016 17:03

Good for you, OP. Have a ball.

What does this mean, though?

I've managed to get the £ off my parents to pay back his portion of the trip so he can't complain.

If he drops out of a RTW trip at the last minute because he's regularly screwing someone other than his travelling companion (who has paid for three quarters of the trip), surely he just forfeits his money...?

Woolyheads · 29/04/2016 17:07

Do the thing where you advertise for someone with the exact same name as him to go in his place then you still get to see the world and you don't travel alone.

TopazRocks · 29/04/2016 17:13

Well done, OP, on deciding to go alone. I hope you have a brilliant trip.

I know you don't have long to rethink the whole plan, but I think you've done well chucking the cheating bastard.You don't need dead wood on a RW trip! And you don't want to be wakening up beside his cheating mug each day.

You may need some new strategies for coping in case the panic/anxiety sets in, like budgeting fora taxi back to where you are staying if, on some days, things get tough. And maybe try to achieve a bit less on each leg ?Can you keep in touch with MN and maybe get face to face meetings set up, and support where/if necessary? And maybe RL friends/family members can join you for parts too? Only ideas, as clearly it's you who knows best what will work for you.

Have fun, and take care.