AIBU to think that DH - a teacher - could take a day off work?

[BackAche21]

I have been a SAHM for 2 yrs after redundancy and now I have got myself a job interview, which happens to fall on the day that DS (4) has an allergy challenge in hospital. DH says he can't take the day off teaching as his Y12s are close to AS exams, and he is head of department so it looks bad, plus notoriously stingy Headteacher may not give permission. But aside from permission (there were sickies in my day) he doesn't even want to ask. I don't know what solution he thinks is possible.

I am already asking the hospital if they can change the date - but we've already changed it once owing to DS being unwell - and they might not let us change it again. It won't be an option to ask potential employer to change the date as they have a whole load of obstacles lined up for candidates on the day, involving meeting other people too.

IMHO it puts me in an impossible situation as I don't think anyone other than a parent can really do the hospital gig, and our family needs me to get a job. before redundancy all sick children etc fell to me to take time off work, and I feel like he's just staking this ground again - his teaching time is untouchable. Makes me mad, but AIBU?

[AyeAmarok]

Your DH needs to ask the question, either of the hospital to before them to change it, or of his boss to ask if he can take a day's unpaid leave.

He can't just say "I'm working, your problem, you fix it". Otherwise that's exactly what will continue to happen for evermore.

[witsender]

He needs to ask! (Said as a teacher.) There are policies in place for this. Otherwise the OP has to just accept that she cannot go for a job in case the interview falls on a weekday in term time?!

[Xmasbaby11]

He needs to ask for time off. I'd be very worried about his attitude when you start work - is it always going to be you expected to take time off? That's not on. I have teacher friends and they take time off for children's sickness and hospital appointments.

[Atenco]

Sorry, not a teacher, not even living in the UK, but from everything I read on here and elsewhere, I thought teachers were a scarce commodity in the UK, where some schools are being run with a shortage of teachers or untrained teachers, because they just cannot be found. Yet your husband's school can afford to make attending to a child's serious health problem a sackable offense?

I find it a bit odd that a hospital would be asked to reschedule its important and also scarce resources. Because education trumps healthcare?

[GlitteryShoes]

My DH is a teacher. It always seems that women teachers seem to be allowed to take time off for childcare while it is frowned on for men. If he was a single parent and your son was ill be would have the time off so he should do it. He could offer an after school session if necessary. Though I think you should try to change the appointment if possible.

[LottieDoubtie]

For balance. Teacher here. I'm having tomorrow morning off for my sons hospital appointment.

I did try to reschedule but there was no appointments for half term and I considered it detrimental to my sons health to wait for the summer holidays. I asked my head at the end of a meeting about something else she waved her hand and said 'of course, getting consultants appts are a nightmare in this country, just fill the right form in would you?'

So yes he is BVU to not even ask!

Oh and my year 13s will be doing some independent learning in the morning.

[haggisaggis]

I assume he has only 1 or 2 year 12 classes that day? I don't see why he can't at least ask. We're talking about pupils missing 1 lesson - they can do a practice paper or other revision meantime. My ds is sitting his Highers - one of his maths teachers is the coordinator for primary/secondary transition so the class has had to do without her 1 lesson a week for past few weeks - and his exams start next week! He says it is no issue - they simply get on with the work she has asked them to revise in that time. In this case we are only talking about 1 lesson!

[romina]

He is being unreasonable not to even ask. However I also have an unreasonable husband (!) A sickie would be unreasonable as it is lying to the employer, but parental leave isn't.

Can a grandparent, other relative or friend take your son if necessary? My Mum has had to take DS to a lot of hospital appointments when I've had to work.

In the longer term, what are you going to do when DS is sick, on holiday etc? It's not just about this occasion, it's about the precedent...

[TheCrumpettyTree]

Not all interviews can be rescheduled.

[InionEile]

Your DH should ask at least. He has had 2 years with you as a SAHM where he could focus 100% on his career with no need to worry about childcare or hospital appointments. Both he and his employer should be appreciative of that. (Yes, it's the real world and they won't be but they should be).

I am guessing with you as SAHM he hasn't had to take any emergency time off so far this year so 1 day in 2 years isn't bad.

[Pipbin]

All the teachers in my school who are single parents are job shares. When stuff like this comes up the swap a day with their job share.
I have never known a teacher who is a single to take a day off for their children. They all arrange their own cover.

[Pipbin]

Your DH though needs to ask.

[Marynary]

The easiest thing to reschedule is the interview. Ring and tell them you need to attend a hospital appointment that day. They are not going to throw your application in the bin for that.

You seriously think that? Employers prefer candidates who are healthy and not likely to take sick leave. A hospital appointment suggests that a candidate may not be in the greatest of health.

[araiba]

dh should ask- be very aware its not an emergency situation so likely that it will be rejected

if rejected call the hospital and nicely ask them what options are available- move appointment, who can go with etc and then decide

[carabos]

I think you need to have the difficult conversation. It appears from you have said that you are not actually available for work, because childcare in all instances is your job. If you try to rearrange the interview, and tell the prospective employer why, then no matter what the law might say, you are leaving yourself open to being regarded as unreliable because you are a mum.

You need to clarify with your DH what the priorities are for your family. If he says that he is going to work, you are going to the hospital and the interview will have to be rearranged, then it is clear that your family doesn't need you to get a job as much as you think it does.

If in fact it is a priority that you get a job, then You are in a situation where there is one activity that only your DH can do - his job; one that only you can do - the interview, and one that someone else could do - the hospital. In the absence of a close family member with written authority from you to sign consent forms, then you will have to cancel or rearrange the hospital appointment, with all the consequences that will entail.

[GoblinLittleOwl]

Of course he can't take a day off; this is the downside of having school holidays; all the work has to be done in term time.
Make your child's appointment in holiday time?

[Bogeyface]

I agree with a PP. Either you need to get a job or you need to be available 24/7 for things like this, ask your "D"H which he would prefer and whichever it is, he needs to pull up the slack on the other side. Need to money but he refuses to take his turn at time off for the kids? He needs to get a better paying job. He is insisting you work? Then it is strictly 50/50 on time off, starting with him taking this day so you can attend the interview.

He cant have it all ways and its about time you put your foot down and made that clear.

[QuiteLikely5]

Sorry but this is worth a bust up. Tell him in no uncertain terms you are going for the interview and that's that. Tell him on that date childcare will fall to him and therefore he needs to start making arrangements.

Put yourself first, you are damn well more important than his pride!

[JenniferYellowHat1980]

and at the posters suggesting it would be best to ask to rearrange the interview. Not only has OP stated that the day involves various stages including meeting people; can you imagine how it looks at interview stage to demonstrate that DH's job takes priority.

[JenniferYellowHat1980]

Oh and of course hospital appointments aren't just made to suit people's working hours. How do you think people in non-teaching jobs manage?

[MiniMover]

Pipbin, I job share. I couldn't ever swap around days as I only have childcare for the days I work. On the days I don't, my under 5s are at home with me. I can't just ask nursery to swap the day they attend.

[Kennington]

Changing the date of the interview isn't a big deal. We do it for candidates at work all the time.

[CharleyDavidson]

Yes, the DH should ask.

Some heads will allow time off for medical appts, some are really awkward about it. It could be that it needs taking off unpaid.

Be aware that, as teachers, we are paid for working 195 days a year. If you have to take a day off unpaid (strike days or leave of absence) you lose 1/195th of your salary for that day off, not 1/365th.

[wheresthel1ght]

Yabu purely because exams are coming up. Any other item of year I would say he is