AIBU to think that DH - a teacher - could take a day off work?

[BackAche21]

I have been a SAHM for 2 yrs after redundancy and now I have got myself a job interview, which happens to fall on the day that DS (4) has an allergy challenge in hospital. DH says he can't take the day off teaching as his Y12s are close to AS exams, and he is head of department so it looks bad, plus notoriously stingy Headteacher may not give permission. But aside from permission (there were sickies in my day) he doesn't even want to ask. I don't know what solution he thinks is possible.

I am already asking the hospital if they can change the date - but we've already changed it once owing to DS being unwell - and they might not let us change it again. It won't be an option to ask potential employer to change the date as they have a whole load of obstacles lined up for candidates on the day, involving meeting other people too.

IMHO it puts me in an impossible situation as I don't think anyone other than a parent can really do the hospital gig, and our family needs me to get a job. before redundancy all sick children etc fell to me to take time off work, and I feel like he's just staking this ground again - his teaching time is untouchable. Makes me mad, but AIBU?

[BackAche21]

Obvs, not obis.

[katemiddletonsnudeheels]

I don't think you're being unreasonable, OP. It's unfortunate timing but it's unlikely your sons appointment would take the whole day.

[katemiddletonsnudeheels]

Sorry, cross post!

You're still not being unreasonable, though :)

[Spandexpants007]

It's worth asking

[soapboxqueen]

Get your husband to ask. If he won't or the school refuse, you'll have to cancel your interview.

[1angrydwarf]

Missed the hospital part. I would def reschedule that. I don't see how they can refuse and it's a non-urgent appointment.

[ApocalypseSlough]

In this order:
•Grandparent takes DS
•Reschedule with hospital
•DH takes DS then offers twilight/ lunchtime catch up lessons
•you try and rearrange interview. This is the worst option.
What recently happened with me when DH was overseas when DS had an unmissable hospital appointment and I had an interview and nearest GP had an appointment at a different hospital and GP2 was going to travel to stay over the night before...
was that the hospital called 2 days before to reschedule for the following week when all 4 of us could have taken him.

[honkinghaddock]

I would ask the hospital if the date can be changed to another one in the near future and if that isn't possible then he should request a leave of absence stating that he was not able to change the appointment time. The yr12's will manage with set work for one lesson if they have to. I had time off for unchangeable appointments when I was teaching.

[Balletgirlmum]

My dh would not be allowed time off for an appointment like that. He would be allowed time off for unforeseen emergencies.

[MilkTwoSugarsThanks]

I would have thought that if the appointment was so important that the parent who works absolutely must request leave at the risk of it having a detrimental effect on their career when there's an alternative available then it's important enough for the parent who doesn't work to request to change their interview.

[frumpet]

So do you have a relative who could go a responsible adult ? check with the hospital first in case there are other forms you might need to fill in prior to the appointment . Although in your shoes I would rather be there if at all possible .

Can you speak to the Consultant directly and state your case , as it is quite an unusual set of circumstances and they are humans who have had to over the years it took them to get to that grade put the care of other humans above their own flesh and blood !

[CodyKing]

Start thinking about these types of things during the school holidays -

Then if your working DH goes - same as above with hospital dentist etc -

[frumpet]

Sorry if that last bit doesn't make a lot of sense but hopefully you get the general idea .

[honkinghaddock]

Are you sure it is not miss the appointment more than once rather than change the appointment more than once and it goes back to the GP?

[teacherwith2kids]

How far away from your interview is the hospital, and what time is it?

If there genuinely is no-one else who can sit in the hospital with your DS (the parental responsibility bit just applies to signing the form, so once this is done then could someone else e.g. grandparent, family friend take over?) then you would need to work it out so that your DH has to requiest the minimum time off.

As it is predictable, not an emergency, i suspect that school may be sticky about it (I have had to leave hurriedly for the first day of a child being taken ill, but I have never requested leave for a previously-known appointment). However, if you have clearly tried to minimise his time out of class it may go down better.

So e.g. if your interview is earlier, DH takes DS in, then stays (or someone else stays, as above) until you are back from the interview. or if your interview is later, you work out the latest that you can leave and DH leaves school in time to take over from you at that point.

IME - and i was a SAHM before going back to work - it is pressure points like this that really test the balance between 2 working parents. However if you can find an arrangement in which you BOTH give a little bit, it will bode well for future compromises. I do 'emergency response to illness', for example, because I work locally. DH does 'cover after the first day', because he can take leave more flexibly and work from home on occasions.

[MackerelOfFact]

I'd just call up the hospital and see if the appointment can be rearranged. I think this is the most sensible option. You've rearranged it once so it's obviously possible, and you're not going to be blacklisted for changing it.

Otherwise, I think you jointly need to decide which of these is most important:

• Your DS' allergies being managed
• You potentially having a job
• Your DH doing well at work

Whichever comes at the bottom will have to be ditched.

[MaybeDoctor]

I had a very similar situation: interview, DH who had a clashing client event, 10 month old baby not yet in any childcare and no relatives close by. Something had to give.

Whatever happens, I think you learn something during these processes as this kind of pressure is very revealing. It might be that the hospital can rearrange appointments, even though it does not normally like to. It might be that your DH can rearrange his Y12 lesson for after school or another day after all. Your prospective employer might be really happy to put you first thing, or at the end of the day. It might be that this is entirely the wrong job for you and the effort just isn't worth it.

[DailyFailAreABunchOfCunts]

Let's assume that you get this job -

Ask your DH what is going to happen if you have to work and cannot take leave, and your DS is ill. What's your DH going to do then? Does he expect you to always pick up the slack? You need have a careful think about the logistics of this, as evidenced by the fact that your DH won't even ask to cover a hospital appointment.

[HopefulHamster]

It's hard OP. I think once you have a job, it's sort of ok if your DP's job comes first. That's how it is in my house. My DH has a senior role with important meetings and he can rarely miss them (but will); my current job rarely has anything that urgent going on. So I'm the one who handles sick days and that's fine.

But if it gets in the way of going to interviews when you desperately need a job, that's tough. Also I am waiting for an allergy appointment now, I'd be hesitant to move it to be honest, you can get moved by months or it can get moved then moved again. Your son's health is important too.

How good a chance do you think you have with this job? I would probably try to move interview first, then get DH to ask, then ask hospital, then sadly put interview to one side if no other option. Only because it's the single thing with no guaranteed outcome (like pay or getting a test done).

[Onsera3]

YANBU

We had similar situation where DH teacher had to take DS 3 to food challenge as I couldn't. He didn't have exams though.

There is no way I'd change the appt. If you're child is well you need to go as (I'm sure you know) they won't do if child has so much as a sniffle. This can be a real challenge with a little one. They told us at hospital so many challenges get postponed due to illness- I don't think you should change for any other reason if poss.

You can't change interview time. Good luck!

[trilbydoll]

This isn't the last time something like this will happen. So is teaching a job that means both parents can't work? Because that's effectively what your dh is saying, that he needs someone at home just in case as he has zero flexibility. I appreciate teaching isn't the most flexible career option but is any time off totally impossible?

I can't scroll back on my phone, is the interview all day too or could you share the hospital appt?

[Branleuse]

Just ask for the appointment to be changed. Phone up and explain. It doesnt matter that its been changed once before

[Onsera3]

The parent should take the child as medication may need to be administered.

[IrenetheQuaint]

Is your interview all day or could you swap over at lunchtime?