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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Computer in the bedroom who ibu?

147 replies

Liberty75 · 27/04/2016 22:43

We are having a longstanding disagreement over using the laptop in bed. So I can't be accused of being bias I'll try not to say my view just now.

one of us feels whilst in bed if one person wants to sleep anything that might disturb them should either be stopped or taken out of the bedroom, this is a particular issue with the laptop which is bright and noisy.

The other works long hours and feels that they have the right to come to bed late evening and finish a few bits of work in the relaxing environment of the bedroom.

The one who wants to sleep thinks the other is selfish and feels working in the bedroom (whilst already working long hours) is intrusive.

The one who wants to use the laptop thinks since they work so hard they should be able to relax and wind down after a really long day and get something useful done at the same time.

Please help, who is being unreasonable?!

OP posts:
ProcrastinatorGeneral · 27/04/2016 23:21

Laptop user is a selfish plank.

coconutpie · 27/04/2016 23:21

Laptop user is being a dick and should stay out of the bedroom if they wish to use said laptop.

CotswoldStrife · 27/04/2016 23:27

The laptop user is being unreasonable. Bedrooms are not for completing work in Hmm There is a difference between reading silently on a Kindle and tapping away on a keyboard!

I also think you are the laptop user!

Bulletpr00f · 27/04/2016 23:30

No laptops, tablets or phone usage in the bedroom although all can be charged, used as alarms, etc.

Someone working late should not be doing it in the bedroom, they should be doing it in front of dodgy TV (itv2, itv2 and itv2, I would like to thank you for recent late night working sessions). It must be just enough to keep your mood up, but low brow enough not to interrupt your work.

Anyway, no laptops in the bedroom. Smile

Original poster
Liberty75 · 27/04/2016 23:30

Thank you for all your opinions.

I'm the sleeper but wanted to try and be as balanced as possible. My husband works very long hours and I understand where he is coming from. I also have a totally irrational dislike of the clicking noise of the laptop keys and track pad. I wouldn't mind him watching a film etc with headphones on but the constant clicking next to me really bothers me. I think he sees this as unreasonable and silly.
Since having children my sleep has totally changed, I find it much harder to drop off and also sleep very lightly. He sleeps as soon as his head touches the pillow and deeply.
I normally just get up and leave to go to the spare room. I don't actually have a problem with this as its comfortable and quiet. My husband however thinks I'm trying to make a point and am storming out. I'm honestly just removing myself from a situation I find annoying.
Not sure where we go from here but it is interesting to have other people's point of view. I'm guessing that because he has no problem with me using devices (I always ask first and would switch off or go to another room if there was a problem) he thinks I'm being a hypocrite.

OP posts:
nobilityobliges · 28/04/2016 06:25

Could you (I am presuming that you are the sleeper!) use an eyemask? I blindfold myself with a silk scarf when I go to bed before my DP so I don't wake up when he goes to bed.

RealityCheque · 28/04/2016 06:44

I blindfold myself with a silk scarf when I go to bed before my DP so I don't wake up when he goes to bed.

Mmmmm

You're a 'keeper' !

WinkWinkWink

merrymouse · 28/04/2016 06:44

Taking the computer out of the equation, it's not reasonable to expect to work 'in the relaxing environment of the bedroom'. You might as well have a bath in the 'cosy environment of the kitchen'.

If he just wants to unwind and you want the light out, I think it might be reasonable to read a book/listen to a podcast or music/watch a film if he is wearing headphones and the brightness is turned down and it doesn't bother you. This would be better on a more convenient device.

However, I can't see any particular reason to work in bed.

Sparklingbrook · 28/04/2016 06:50

No way could I sleep with a scarf wrapped around my face, silk or otherwise. Confused

wannabestressfree · 28/04/2016 06:59

It is inconsiderate. I wake up through the night as am on a cocktail of drugs and I come downstairs if I am restless. I Don't Even like a TV in the bedroom though. It's a haven when you have children I think.... :)

Only1scoop · 28/04/2016 07:02

Laptop user ibu

OptimisticSix · 28/04/2016 07:43

The laptop shouldn't be used in bed, it's not fair to keep someone awake... I don't use mine in bed when DH is sleeping in here (we sleep apart some nights as I snore really loudly allegedly) as it disturbs him. It also keeps me awake, as evidenced last night when I came to bed at 9:30 because I was so tired and was then up til 2am playing on my laptop... Very sorry today... DH and I both use our phones when we come to bed for music (with headphones) and Internet, but only for around 30mins and then they're off. Sleep is a precious thing for DH and I and we try never to disturb each other.

Ragwort · 28/04/2016 07:50

Why don't you just go and sleep in the spare room when you go to bed - or sugget your DH does.

Totally unreasonable to take a lap top to bed - my DH likes to listen to music in bed, read a kindle (which I find annoying) - we just sleep separately - we also disagree on duvet weights and open/closed windows Grin.. So long as your spare room is comfortable I don't see what the problem is.

I actually think it is very hard to get a good night's sleep with someone else in the bed and am amazed so many couples seem to do so effortlessly. My idea of hell is going to a hotel/relative's house where we have to share a room.

MTPurse · 28/04/2016 07:58

That would irritate me too op.

This is one of those MN one liners which will stick with me now Grin

I blindfold myself with a silk scarf when I go to bed before my DP so I don't wake up when he goes to bed.

MTPurse · 28/04/2016 08:00

It sounds extremely sexy and dangerous all rolled into one Grin

SonjasSister · 28/04/2016 08:06

Oooh that would piss me off! Tippety tappety clickkety clickkety....How entitled of him! I doubt if I would be remotely calm and balanced about it.

How inconsiderate!

MLGs · 28/04/2016 08:11

Laptop user is being u if disturbing the other person's sleep .

Had this argument forever with stbxh.

The loveliest thing, though, is having your own bed all to self where you can read or use computer or sleep just as you like!

2ManySweets · 28/04/2016 08:22

Excessive laptop use in bed depriving me of sleep night after night was one of the grounds of "unreasonable behaviour"
I used in my divorce papers.
Used to want to wrap the thing round his effin head. Being unable to sleep due to "tap tap tap" and knowing it was all down to his abhorrent timekeeping depriving me of up to 3hrs sleep a night was (to me) torture.
Anyway, laptop user is BU.
Can you tell you've hit a nerve? Grin

SurroMummy13 · 28/04/2016 08:43

Use laptop on sofa.

Beds are for sleeping or Sex. Not to keep someone else awake with a noisy laptop.

LitteRedSparkle · 28/04/2016 08:56

just because he doesnt mind being kept awake, doesnt make you U for minding

If he wants to be on it, he should move the spare room

whois · 28/04/2016 09:58

The person working on their laptop in bed whilst the other person is trying to sleep!!!

What a total twat face. Really selfish and also really bad sleep hygiene. Should make the sitting room into a nicer relaxing environment so they can chill out and work there.

Original poster
Liberty75 · 28/04/2016 10:19

Thank you for all your opinions.

I do go through to the spare room but that annoys him as he thinks I'm storming out and being unreasonable.

We have a comfortable living room, a little snug area in the kitchen plus he has a study so there are plenty of places he could go.

I think the issue is that he doesn't understand why it bothers me as it doesn't him and so therefore it is me being unreasonable Sad. He thinks I should basically get over it and stop being so silly.

Perhaps if he sees that the general consensus is that he is being selfish he will realise it's not me.

OP posts:
MissingPanda · 28/04/2016 10:22

Laptop user is BVVVVU.

I do occasionally use my laptop in bed but I'm the only one using my bed being single. The laptop can be used anywhere while the bed is needed for sleeping hence laptop user works elsewhere.

In this case just because your DH doesn't mind you using devices in bed does not mean you have to feel the same way and it would be unreasonable of him to expect you to. You're not an hypocrite for feeling differently.

MissingPanda · 28/04/2016 10:26

Just seen your last post.

OP's your DH is BVVVVVVVVU to expect you to think/feel the same way as he does. You are a person in your own right and have every right to think/feel differently to him.

GnomeDePlume · 28/04/2016 10:32

I think the issue is that he doesn't understand why it bothers me as it doesn't him

Have you explained Since having children my sleep has totally changed, I find it much harder to drop off and also sleep very lightly. to him? He is lacking empathy.