Getting my boobs out

[wannabehippyandcrazycatlover]

I thought it was all a hoax about people making judgey comments about breastfeeding in public and that no one in their right mind would actually say anything...

Today I was unfortunately proved wrong, I was told by a gentleman that it was highly inappropriate for me to get my boob out and feed my baby in a cafe. I thought I was being quite discreet but obviously not in his opinion.

I was so shocked I couldn't say anything, I didn't think that this actually happened . Has anyone else experienced this? I'm quite upset about it (although won't stop me doing it in future) and can see why some women stop BF if they get comments like that on a regular basis.

X post redex..!

And tell us about these women who are breastfeeding in your face.

Crikey dubby, you must have been breastfeeding wrong all that time ago if it involved your nether regions!!

Keep it going. I am loving the attention since I cannot get my breasts out for feeding anymore. But I did back in the day when it was NOT fashionable at all.

WellErr I want to high five you!

When was that dubby?

@ watching. LOL.

I do not mean to be mean, just enjoying the debate/discussion whatever.

It is up to everyone to join in and rebut!

Ohhhh i see...it's a GF! Ashamed of getting sucked in!

Can we just outright ignore it now?

I had such high hopes for this thread from the title.

@ vicious my Gran called them that and she BF my mum and her four siblings.

Just a term from my part of the world. Hope that is OK with you,

Yes vicious and a boring GF at that

You bored tonight dubby?

Breastfeeding isn't 'fashionable' - it's just a necessary part of having a baby.

Why so hostile Dubby?
Aren't you glad that women now have greater freedoms to get out and about with their babies, legally protected from persecution and discrimination for daring to feed them in public? Don't you think that's a good thing?

Don't you think that women should support each other? It's sad that you seem intent on making new mothers feel bad about doing a totally natural thing.

cdtaylornats, shurely they should charge norkage?

I am also a fan of the two tops method. But that is because I am in Scotland and it is fucking freezing.

Sadly there are some posters who regularly pop up on bf threads to say the mere glimpse of a breast is tantamount to walking around naked!

I've bf in Germany, Netherlands, Belgium, France and Italy (one well travelled dd )

Not once did I get so much as an almost raised eyebrow. In UK? Several times including in bloody mothercare! Thankfully I was a confident, 'older' mum and informed her I was perfectly within my rights and my priority was feeding my dd.
Frankly o agree its the 'uncomfortable' ones who are acting 'entitled'! Babies don't understand nor should they need to that prudish ADULTS would rather they were fed in a stinky dirty changing room or toilet than fed in a clean comfortable warm environment (loads of public loos are bloody freezing too!)

I gave up breastfeeding my child in public she latched off quick and the milk flew all over the next table . Still cringe at this now and my daughter is now 23.

I wish breastfeeding was fashionable.
I have or am still feeding all 6 of mine and don't think I have ever had a negative comments. I am not discreet either, I tend to wear a normal bra so lie baby on my lap, whip boob out in full view and then latch on. I always feel a bit sad when I see women feeding under cover - which is probably highly unreasonable of me.

I think it is important to be seen breastfeeding in order to normalise it

I bf mine, 30 years ago, in public if need be, and I did get quite a bit of trouble, even when using a shawl. It wasn't protected in law at that time, so I often did get banished to dirty toilets to nurse. However, I did put up a fight in some areas. I appreciated any positive smiles and comments from older women. I think the easiest place to bf in public was Malta - lots of indulgent, knowing smiles. The more I got used to it, the less I was willing to be banished to grotty corners.
People can just look the other way - or put a cloth on their own head.
It's so sad that some women are discomforted with the thought of the sight of another female's body.

Women should be able to breastfeed where they damn well please

But I have to admit I'm getting tired of the things on facebook that say 'FACEBOOK DECIDED THIS POST WASNT ALLOWED SHARE AND SHOW YOUR SUPPORT' then photos of breast and baby.

Give it a rest. Stop using a baby feeding and a mother giving nourishment as a tool to generate likes.

Flowers having a child isn't a "lifestyle choice". It's a biological imperative.

Breastfeeding a baby isn't a "lifestyle choice" it is what breasts are for. It's part of our basic biological design.

Science has happily given women the choice whether to conceive over the last 100 or so years.

Science has also given women the choice not to breastfeed, saving babies lives in the process.

Not having babies and not breastfeeding is the "lifestyle choice" not the other way round.

Have a quick google "historical representations of breastfeeding" - there are loads of very old paintings and sculptures of (what you and Dubby would consider) 'indiscreet' feeding. Not a cover to be seen.

Breastfeeding in public is normal. It has always been normal.

It's so normal, and so important for the health of our nation that it is enshrined in law.

It's also normal for a Mother to interact with her baby while they are feeding: stroking their face, maintaining eye contact, talking to them. Soothing them.

A cover completely negates that.

I fed twins for nearly 18 months. I fed through mastitis, thrush and agonising cracks. It wasn't easy, I had very little rest or sleep. In the early days I was often in pain and feeding through gritted teeth. I wasn't "making a point" or any kind of political statement, I was just trying really hard to do my best for my babies.

My whole family has breastfed, most of my friends breastfed, I see lots of breastfeeding women around my local area, I have never, ever seen 'entitled' behaviour. Just often exhausted women doing their best.

I don't understand, really just can't fathom, how a women simply feeding her baby arouses such ire.

If you aren't comfortable, that's OK - but own it as your issue, not the feeding mother's.

Of course it's a good thing that women are protected by law and don't have to hide. Most now feed in public yet most also cover up a bit - and I'm glad.

But what Dubby is saying (& I agree) there is also such thing as consideration for others in a PUBLIC place, She's not saying 'don't feed' but that if you CAN, be a little discreet. Can I just point out that breasts are not 'sexualised by society', they are an erotic zone and men biologically find them arousing and you can't change that (or lesbian women for that matter). Dubby is also right that once you BF yourself it may be the most natural thing to see - but people who didn't BF, or never had children, or men, esp teenage boys, or many of the old generation do not see it as 'pleasant' - or (for some men)un-erotic and 'normal'. So I agree that if you can cover partly with a scarf, it's just being more civil. If you can;t - fine too but at least try not to sit facing the whole audience.
Personally I find it easy to look the other way - unless the woman is feeding a toddler close by (once a European woman was doing that on the train sitting across from me, and I felt trapped as getting up and leaving would be too obvious a protest) and seats around me were taken. It was LOUD, not just a sight I didn't want in my face with a big toddler. I had to really turn my head in the opposite direction for ages which wasn't at all comfortable, as sorry but the sound makes me feel very queasy when it's so close and loud unlike with small babies. Especially when the big toddler was running up and down the aisle and then feeding again, several times over and over. She could have swapped with her friend and sat by the window instead of an aisle in everyone's view. I think it's equally selfish of her as wd be for someone to make negative comments to her. It's like, sod everyone, only me and my baby matter - no they don't actually, everyone matters equally - you have an option to feed but also to think of others a little. Thankfully IME most mothers are not in your face like this!

Also nudity is illegal, so is walking around topless unless on a beach (btw I don't like to see topless women on beaches either - to me nudity is sexual and should be private, plus most women and men look better in clothes ), so it's confusing for some psychologically. And good point about accidents when milk is going everywhere - makes sense not to face the whole train'cafe.

Anna

It's a biological imperative - no it's not an imperative, it's an instinct that not every woman feels strongly, and some don't feel it vitually at all, hence it's often a choice whether to have a child or not. Yes, majority want to have DC but out of those due to social expectatoins/condition. There is probably about 60% of women who feel absolutely compelled to have dc regardless of social conditioning and expectation from her husband/partner.
Many women don't have dc because they couldn't find a suitable partner. If it was imperative, they would be so overwhelmed with instinct that EVERY woman would have a child/endless children regardless of her circumstances/finances or her OWN CHOICES of lifestyle. Imperatives are only air and food biologically. Even sex is a choice though for most people it's stronger imperative that actually having DC, hence they have sex but take contraceptives.

*virtually

oh and we are ttalking about the modern world and it's imperatives - not about how it was for primeaval women or even the repressed 19th century women who were told what to do by men whether they felt like or NOT (and many didn't feel like having dc but had to). The imperative may have started as such centuries ago, but it's no more!
Nor would I call it a 'lifestyle' choice, it's just a personal choice. If you believe in the 'higer powers' it makes sense too - the planet is so over-populated now that the universe had to lessen those 'imperatives in humans. If you don't - then it's human intelligence that understood that imperatives are actually not so imperative, or not for many anyway, ha (when it comes to having kids).

its, not it's.