To be concerned about my intelligent child at school

[Moomoomango]

This is not a boasting post before I get accused! I am struggling with his intelligence not basking in parental glory!

My son is 4 and due to start school in September. He started talking at 8 months, and has never stopped. He is intelligent and head strong, the last 2 days he started to ask about house numbers - within about 10 minutes he had learnt how to recognise numbers up to 100. I've never tried to teach him more than 10 but I was amazed how quickly he absorbed the information. He is really into science and loves discussing ideas such as gravity, electricity, marine life (a particular passion). He loves doing experiments and will quite often talk about gasses such as carbon dioxide. He loves to dissect fish (one of his fave things to do is buy a fish at fish counter) or garden insects to inspect their insides etc. He will quite confidently explain the anatomy of a fish. I am by no means a pushy parent I just answer his questions and follow his lead.

He is thoroughly bored at pre school, the activities as much more directed at younger children, I feel. I went in today and he was just sat twiddling an abacus. He tells me it's boring and he hates it. Pre school say hes withdrawn and not engaged.

I was speaking to a ta friend of mine who said foundation is basically an extension of pre school, lots of play etc. I'm really worried he will become withdrawn from school if it's not stimulating him. I want him to enjoy school and feel happy and confident. Aibu to be concerned? Is foundation very basic in terms of learning? Or will they support very intelligent children? I'm purposefully holding him back from learning to read so that school can inspire him in that way but to be honest he's so close it's painful!

I just want my child to be supported to be who he is.

Nobody told us off obviously we learned later, but at primary it's what we did and weren't taught differently.
i'm a caring person honestly I wouldn't harm a fly now and spend far too long rescuing Bumble bees with sugary water.
I used to pull the legs of daddy long legs and put them down my sisters top.
She has a fear of them now.
I am nearly 50 if this makes a difference or if others were the same.
Maybe parents and teachers just left us to it more and maybe didn't realise.

My youngest DC was very bright at pre-school. She could probably have coped with the very academic private girls school.
However as I said to her first teacher "I'm not worried about academics but she needs to learn social skills". Which was totally accurate - and she enjoyed pre-school and had several "friends". She has since been diagnosed with SN, which doesn 't hold her back academically, but does make life harder.
I can't imagine she would achieve higher in the private girls school, and it's debatable if she would be happier. Learning through play can develop skills that are crucial for life. It is often through hard things that we learn most.

Moomoomango Wed 27-Apr-16 14:53:33

"Thank you for your responses, sorry I am only just getting back to replying now.

He does struggle socially in many ways, he prefers the company of adults and will only talk about one friend at pre school. "

So this is where you can think of ways to help him. First of all, by engaging the nursery/school in helping him to find ways to develop socially. This will probably be easier if you do not present it as a sign of his intelligence, but as an area where you feel he may be a late developer and will need a little extra help.

Do not on any account try to take away the pleasure he has in learning; enjoying life less will not help his social development.

If you worry about him having the shine taken off school by having to re-learn the same things, look at other areas as suggested by some posters. Music is always good (and seems to have an affinity with mathematics), drama can be great in developing confidence (and ties in with an interest in literature), nature you already seem to have covered- though how about teaching him to observe wildlife as well as dissecting it? Not that I find the dissecting bit particularly worrying, just that observing animals teaches some useful skills in its own right.

Your DS sounds as though he might be towards the 'bright' end of perfectly normal intellectual development for his age, OP.

My nephew could count up to 50 by the time he was around 2 ish. We all thought he was going to be genius He's now perfectly lovely, perfectly average and just had a very fast start with a few things, but evened out later

Or will they support very intelligent children? I'm purposefully holding him back from learning to read so that school can inspire him in that way but to be honest he's so close it's painful

Let him read. Lots of kids do by age 4. I'm sure he'll be fine at school

Way, way too many grinning faces there. Irritating, I know.

I could read and write in full sentence when I started primary school at 4. I was 18 months younger than most people I was at school with, but I went to an ordinary bog standard comprehensive ; one of those really big ones - 1000 pupils.

I'm a professor now. I work with people like me. There are a lot of us about. And most of us are also fairly normal people.

The thing that made all the difference for me (and my sisters who were similarly talented) was parental involvement & enrichment. Not the 'playing Mozart at 6' stuff or the high-pressure tutoring, but I had the free run of all my parents' books (and they had hundreds - I now have thousands!) as well as a weekly trip to the library & always a book as part of my birthday & christmas present. I had ballet lessons, involved in a youth theatre, my sisters did music lessons, we did Brownies & Girl Guides, and we were also encouraged to have a healthy resourceful outdoor life - we lived on a small property in the countryside, so rode & sailed & went fairly feral in the summer holidays.

I needed all that because yes - as we can see on this thread - the above average or 'bright' child is usually put down. I was badly bullied, in a way that kids who were equivalently above average 'bright' at netball or hockey were not bullied.

But I survived & thrived because my parents encouraged and facilitated so much more than the school could (or should) offer. Not in a hot-housing or helicoptering way - just an ordinary involved parent way - it was a delicate balance, as my mother & I were discussing only the other day. We were offered opportunities, but not pushed. She was not a "stage mother" in that way.

So just keep up the books & feed in other sociable & varied activities as your boy grows. Schools shouldn't have to do everything.

My nephew could count up to 50 by the time he was around 2 ish. We all thought he was going to be genius

I had to post this because it reminded me - ds1 did a rubix cube aged two (actually a month before he was two). Honestly. It was Christmas and this rubix cube had been doing the rounds between about 8 adults for a couple of hours, all of whom failed miserably. Ds1 picked it up and started fiddling with it and five minutes later presented it back to us, fully completed.

It was a fantastic, jawdropping moment (the whole room went silent) and I got ridiculously over-excited thinking he'd obviously just proved he was the next Einstein.

Whilst he is very good at maths and puzzles now, he's never even got close to doing a rubix cube again (now aged 8) so it was clearly just an amazing coincidence that he fiddled it in the right way. Still, it was a great moment

Wow Grease that is stunning.

Thank you for your responses, I hadnt considered he is bored because of lack of social skills so thank you for bringing that to my attention.

He isn't an only child but his brother is only 1 so not a huge amount of social interaction just general affection or hatred depending on the day!

I do worry about him socially - he likes things his way, he is very demanding and domineering in personality that things need to go a particular way. For example it will be tea time in ten minutes but he will be determined he has to make an invention to catch tadpoles right that minute and will start ripping the craft cupboard apart pulling out pipe cleaners attaching string onto a bucket etc and he will be hyper focused on his activity no matter how many times I say "not now we are going to sit down for tea, let's do it tomorrow" he is so so determined it has to be done now.

Does this sound like "normal" behaviour? He talks endlessly and often stutters on a word because his brain is working so much faster than his mouth can keep up...

I suspect many parents of able children wonder about ASD, and many parents of 4 year olds. I know I did with at least one of my children at that age. Mostly they turn out to be NT. His interests seem wide and varied and the invention thing is imaginative. Liking things his own way and being unbending towards other people's preferences is very normal at 4. With DS at that age ( he's NT we think) I would not have said "not now we are going to sit down for tea, let's do it tomorow". It would have been get his attention, then a very clearly ennunciated "5 minutes more playing, then tea.". Any more than that just wouldn't compute. Yet he was a skilled monopoly player at 5, complete with making change, calculating 10% for mortgages, all sorts.

It is very easy to overestimate the practical understanding of a child at this age. They may be able to wow adults with a complicated, abstract conversation about the water cycle without really having a clue what the sea actually is, or understanding that people are more inclined to play with you if you are prepared to play their choice of game. Give him time. I think school will suit him.

I think it's normal. I think this is how he is as an individual. However I want to add that it might be more difficult for a child like him, a child who perhaps seems more mature than his peers in some way, to be at school or in other long term social groups. I think when other children pick up on the fact that he's more advanced he might get teased because they can't connect with him. You're already saying that he talks to adults more. I've seen it happen but unfortunately I don't have the answer on how to stop it.

He sounds lovely and completely normal. Mine did that my way or the high way strop when the choice was building Lego worlds/archaeological digs in the garden or dinner. The invention sounds lovely, imaginative and yes, normal. He will in time learn how to make and keep friends.

Sounds like a fairly normal bright kid to me. If you're worried about whether you have chosen the right school, then things you might look at are whether the school day accommodates a kid with a passion- lets them pursue an invention all afternoon, or changes the activity every 20 minutes. And what extension provision they have, as well as activities that involve children of different ages. Is the preschool a school nursery?

A good teacher will soon differentiate activities for him.I am a teacher and would say the older I get the more I believe school is so much about social interaction at that age, learning to negotiate, if you have this toy I will have that one etc.Dont discourage reading each reads in own time.My own daughter was like this but summer born which helped a bit, dread to think what would have happened if she was Autumn born.She was reading Harry Potter by 5.5 however son hardly read at all till 6/7 years.Both now at top Unis/ offers from Top Unis so advice is go with it.

YANBU. Children who are bright/academically gifted can easily get switched off at school if they don't feel stretched and this can actually lead to lack of achievement. Talking at 8 months! I would call that exceptional. I would say make the school aware of your concerns, most schools have someone responsible for gifted children. If school isn't stimulating him enough then provide him with additional activities outside of school as well but make sure he also gets plenty of time to recharge his batteries because school can be very tiring when they first start. Also sounds like you need to focus on emotional intelligence and social skills. These are just as important as academic skills and lack of them can make a child feel very isolated. Not sure how to achieve this tbh.

At my dd's school the teachers so far (nursery, reception) have catered for those who are brighter in certain areas. From what you have described, your ds doesn't sound too out of the ordinary but hopefully school will help bring him out of his shell in the ways he needs.

TBH I would not make the school aware. There are all sorts of prejudices against parent's of more able children (hot-housing etc) and one of the big ones is that we are "pushy". As soon as a teacher decides that they stop listening and start pushing back. So, I'd delay raising it as along as possible, if I were you.

Learning is not just about academic skills. Boredom gives a child an oppurtunity to find ways to occupy themselves I.e.
Spontaneous play, imaginative play, make believe play. Children do not need to be Occupied with a load of academic tasks at this age. Learning at stage is done socially through play and through self exploration. There is so much more than I.Q. He needs to learn how to communicate with others, he is learning about his own emotions and capabilities. He is young and play can be solitary to a point,Is he interested in other children?

There is are many activities outside of pre school you could do, such aslittle scientist groups -I think it is a follow on from toddler sense or one of the groups. I know they are everywhere though.

I would be very happy and proud that he is doing so well. Well done!

Just let them be, remember when you go in to pre school you are only seeing the at that point. Look at all the other things he has done when this is discussed at handover. If you are unhappy with the place go with your instincts, you are mum.

I would ask what do they mean by withdrawn ? It is extreme to say, is it warranted and what examples do they have? X

Speak to your local council. Ours works with the national association for gifted children. I have a friend who's dd is highly intelligent. She has monthly sessions and has also skipped nursery and been push forward a year at school.

DS was a very bright and articulate little tot and is now thoroughly enjoying school (year 4). Any half-decent school will recognise and cater for an unusually bright child. Don't worry.

Not sure on your area but the surreycc website is amazing for supporting parents and offers a comprehensive view of the EYFS (early years foundation stage) and is really focusing on parents and breaking down just these sorts of dilemmas. I'm a preschool teacher and have dealt with this situation many times before (also in this situation as a child myself!) reception is very much an extension of preschool and will focus on the ELG goals at the end of their development matters in the EYFS. The things to search for that offer a non biased or emotive view are:
Development matters (EYFS)
Characteristics of effective learning
'learn with me' program via the surrey.cc website
And asking your preschool if they would be able to set an ISP in place
(Individual support plan) these are generally understood to support children with additional needs but under new legislation providers should be including gifted and talented children under this guidance. They can seek funding, and outside agencies to support your child just as they would a special educational need. If you have an effective and knowledgeable SENCO in your setting they should know about this. Although it really comes down to the quality of your staff. Feel free to message me if I can help! I'm a SENCO. And now being on maternity leave I am twiddling my thumbs so would be willing to offer my support to your setting! X

My son sounds very similar to yours, I'm constantly amazed by the things he knows. He has an eidetic memory and has similar interests in science, marine life, zoology etc He started school in August and has basically been bored since he started which has actually resulted in unwanted behaviours like choosing not to do the work because he finds it so utterly boring. However he consistently gets 100% in his assessments and tests. He runs rings round his teachers and manipulates them and can influence the older kids in the school. The school haven't dealt with it properly and didn't actually tell me there was an issue until January. We have since discussed it with him and he completes his work every day. He's highly imaginative so he does find it hard to concentrate because the work isn't challenging him. My advice would be to discuss this with the school as soon as he starts and make sure they monitor how he is working and if he is being challenged. Ask for progress reports and to be told immediately of any bahavioural issues. The schools don't always tell you there's a problem straight away

Everything you say about your DS's intellect and abilities sounds perfectly normal for a bright 4 year old, OP.

He might be a bit introverted, he might need some help in certain social situations, but I don't think you need to be thinking about anything more than that, based on what you say.