To want my surname as childs middle name?

[SecretSquirrelsSecretFriend]

I'm currently pregnant, not married but we will get married at some point but I won't be changing my surname.

I would like our child to have my surname as a middle name. I spoke to DP about this and I guess he kind of agreed. He didn't say much which I took to be agreement. When telling someone today I could tell he didn't seem completely set on it. I can't exactly pin point what he said it was more how he said it. It was clear to me he wasn't too keen.

I'm still relatively early on so not going to broach it again right now. But as far as I'm concerned he didn't object so that's what will be happening and to be honest even if he did object I kind of think tough.

I don't think it's unreasonable that considering I've agreed to the baby having his surname that I would like my name as a middle name considering I won't be changing my name even in the event we do get married.

This is a fair compromise is it not?

My DS has my paternal grandmothers maiden name as his middle name - the same as my father.

My GM didn't want her name to die out as it were so that's why it was given to my father.

Giving it to my DS was a nice way of honouring her and my father at the same time - my DF was very touched when we told him.

DS loves having this "unusual" middle name the same as his GF (they are very close) and says he will do the same if he has kids (given he's 12 he's planning ahead here!).

Upshot is I'd go for it and don't worry about double barrelling. I've said my DS can do that in the future if he wants, but like my DF he likes it as a middle name.

yellowwiggle yes it if he registered a name mum didn't agree with she could state that and change it. You can change your mind bout a registered name for about 12 weeks I think- its just another trip to the registry rather than a full deed poll change. If that happened Dad could kick up as much a fuss as he likes, he doesn't get final say over ANY part of the name. A court can intervene if mum is choosing something crazy like Dogface McGee, but they're not going to get involved at all if its ReasonableFirstName SensibleMiddleName MumSurname.

You're being more than fair. Until I met DH, who has his mum's maiden name as his middle name, I didn't realise how common this was. The name sounds like the kind of surname-as-first-name people in America might use, like Taylor.

He got into a bizarre argument once with a gym receptionist who'd issued his membership as say, John Taylor-Smith. He pointed out that Taylor was actually his middle name, but that it didn't really matter to him except it might cause a bit of confusion on their records or invoices, so could she correct it?

She got very defensive and was insisting it was a double-barrelled name and she hadn't made a mistake - he had, because he'd filled in the forms incorrectly. He was saying he wasn't blaming anyone, it was a simple mistake, no harm done but could she correct it? She refused. He ended up getting really annoyed and calling the manager.

I've often wondered why she got so worked up. Perhaps the gym were going to take the cost of a new laminated pass out of her wages.

I've also met people who are really affronted that not only did I keep my maiden name on marriage, but I prefer to be called Miss. I don't particularly like Ms and I'm definitely not Mrs Limited, because that's my mum and my SIL. It really freaks some people. One person accused me of fraud

Mummytime
^No one has ever thought I was the step mum to my DC. And every step mum I've known has had the same surname as her step children.
So that argument doesn't hold.^

That wasn't the argument I was making though . If you read my post you will see I was saying that if the Dads have a different name to the kids then people may/will assume they are a stepdad.

If you read my post you will see I was saying that if the Dads have a different name to the kids then people may/will assume they are a stepdad."

But if a woman has a different name to her children, might not the same assumption be made?

And who cares?(

It's very common in Scotland, I have two female friends who have boys middles names because they are the mothers maiden name. I think it is nice.

It used to be a very traditional thing to do, and is of enormous help when tracing family history.

One of my great grandmother's surname Dixon and it was used as a middle name for her eldest son. Thank goodness my mother didn't do it for me - her maiden name was Bottomley.

Weird, when we filled in the forms to get married DH's middle name was Norman, as was my father's Christian name, DH's DF's middle name. The Vicar who'd known me since I was 10 was getting increasingly unbelieving with all the Norman's flying around. We'd always thought it was a Christian name until we got onto ancestry and found out that DH's GM's maiden name was Norman - when we got her details we'd thought it a bit weird that she had a man's name as a middle name.

I noticed many years later that my DF's middle name on my marriage certificate is wrong. The Vicar named him after a 1920s film star when in fact it's a Spanish family name - or that's what I was told. I've seen various versions in earlier transcripts of registers.

Bertrand
But if a woman has a different name to her children, might not the same assumption be made?

They might but It's much less likely.

"They might but It's much less likely."

Why? And why does it matter? Or is this another case of women having to give way just in case a male ego takes an incrediblt minor hit?

I did it, so my kids have 2 middle names. DP isn't crazy about it but figured it was fair enough if the kids were getting his surname. Neither of us wanted to double-barrel.

My mother is American and as is traditional used her maiden name (and later divorced-surname as well) as middle names. My surname would die out if I hadn't hung onto it somewhere - I'm not that crazy about it but it's still my surname and has a good history (back to Domesday, bunch of peasant farmers!)

We once had a very precise Scottish geography teacher who insisted on calling us all Mistress pointing out that Miss and Mrs were both abbreviations of Mistress which was the female form of Master - and in Victorian times Maister. If you've read the Mayor of Casterbridge it's used quite often.

All these names are derivations from the Latin magister - becomming Maître(sse) in French for a head teacher - DD's head in primary school was, and still is Maître as is the head of the primary school in our village. Many parents - having been to school in France addressed him by that title. Being English I didn't and have never done so to his face, although have done in conversations both in English and French. It doesn't seem to extend beyond primary school, though - the collège has a Principal(e) and the lycée a Proviseur.

All notaires have the title Maître - whether male or female. They however, don't extend the same courtesy to other professions such as accountants.

Some jobs in the building trade also use the same title, although from painful personal experience no tradesman in our neck of the woods that I've had the misfortune is entitled to master anything.

Made me laugh some years later when the feminist movement insisted on creating the title Ms - why not just call yourself Mistress? Although that would have caused raised eyebrows in some quarters.

Bertrand

Why? Because it's more normal for kids to have their dads name ....rightly or wrongly.

Why does it matter? It doesn't matter one jot to me but I was trying to look at reasons why it might bother a Dad.

If you knew a family where the kids only had their Mums name I think people would be more likely to assume the Dad was a stepdad than if the sexes were reversed.

I like it. Without the hyphen.

We did this. We are married but I didn't change my name. DH was perfectly happy with it. I really don't see that your DP has any grounds to complain. I would suspect he is harbouring an intention to pressure you to take his name when you get married.

I gave both my boys first name, middle name, my surname, Dh's surname. They go by DH's name but sometimes use the full monicker on forms and know its there as its my name and I am their mum.

I asked him. He says he has no issue and that if it came across that way he apologises. Sorry for the 6 pages of thread on a non issue although it has been an interesting read.

He knows categorically that I would not change my name and he is ok with that. He knows my reasons. Firstly I actually like my name and secondly I wouldn't want to be Mrs SecretsHusband, baby to be Miss SecretsHusband, and him to be Mr SecretsHusband and then my DD to be Miss SecretSquirrel. I feel very strongly that our wee family (DD and I) was well established prior to my relationship with DP and that our names should remain.

I would never want her feeling left out but would like that wee connection between the two siblings also.

Thanks everyone

Has your partner considered changing his name to yours? Because then you could all have the same name, including your first child. His surname could be the middle name.

Do it. I have an extra name in my surname to DH. DS has the same surname as me. The final name in the double barrel is DH's surname and funnily enough he is now often referred to as Mr Mindful Bear. Which is brilliant in my book!!!
For me it was about creating a new family identity that was not so paternalistic as previous generations. Plus DH surname was far too short for me & there were already far too many people we knew with my first name initial and his surname - both at work and personally. I wanted a name that was different.
DH knew he had no choice so accepted it graciously.

Glad it was a non issue :) But you should definitely ask if he'd be willing to change his name to yours - it's the easiest solution really!

I think his name is quite important to him and that's fine. I don't really think him changing his name would be an option and I'm not all that fussed to be honest.

If you don't want to double barrel, what about having it as an extra third Christian name regardless of the sex of the child. And then you could potentially do the same for any siblings.

DH didn't want me to have only his surname and suggested I double barrelled. I said I would if he did. So glad we made the decision. He didn't change it for work though and that's fine by me. DD likes my surname not dhs.

I'm happy with the agreement we have to be honest.