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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really bloody angry about this

185 replies

ingeniousidiot · 24/04/2016 12:18

My DS10 and 3 friends won a prize of a day trip to a local theme park travelling by coach. Three of the parents were happy (with mild concerns) to let the kids enjoy it as their first grown up day trip. One decided that she wanted her dh to trail the kids all day. AIBU to be pissed off that he is essentially changing the dynamics of the group and the presence of the DH standing in the queues behind them completely changes their day?

Adding a bit of background information - the prize gave the option of an open day ticket to allow the winners to go whenever with whoever, or to go on the organised, supervised coach trip. The DH didn't want to go, the other parents didn't want him to go. The DH has said that he will not be responsible for the other children.
AIBU in thinking that she should've chosen the open day ticket and made it a family trip another time, rather than our children being stalked for the day?

OP posts:
GlitterNails · 25/04/2016 12:24

School trips often lets groups go off alone. That's how it's worked with the numerous trips I've been involved with at Disney, Chessington, Thorpe Park and Legoland, from the age of 10. The kids went off and met up at a set time to go back to the coach. So I don't see how this is any different as the police are acting similar to the school - not following them, but being there in case of problems.

An adult trailing would change the dynamic, and I can see your point OP.

Enjoyingthepeace · 25/04/2016 12:26

What interests me is the involvement of the police.
Why the hell are they spending their time chaperoning children at a theme park and not, well, policing.

SuperFlyHigh · 25/04/2016 12:39

Ok when I was 9 onwards my parents let me and my friends travel short distances (eg half an hour away) to go swimming etc. no mobiles but we had money for payphones etc. no one ever drowned....

When we went to adventure playgrounds (those great but quite lethal looking wooden playgrounds much beloved in 70/80s all over London ones we went to on Wandsworth common/crystal palace park we usually had a parent or older child supervise us (eg parent outside in cafe/sunbathing with a book) again most we ever got was bump on head or cuts and grazes.

We we given money from I suppose similar age for 2-3 hours in Hastings etc amusement parks/the areas just to go off have fun and meet us at fish and chip shop etc. again no mobiles.

My mum often took us to chessington etc but as too far by train etc would accompany us but again she did her thing whilst we had fun on the rides. I doubt she'd let us travel there alone and back even on coach with police as DB had chronic asthma (slight risk).

I think in a place like this where anything could happen (theft of money, sickness etc) an adult should be present as I fail to see how police can really be involved... Unless they first aid etc. but there is no substitute in my mind for a caring adult than the police! That's just my opinion though.

Also my other worry is what if one of the rides broke (like happened at Alton towers and a serious accident) there is no way on earth I'd allow my kids there unsupervised! Having said that though the parent who goes can't really absolve himself of responsibility for other kids. But I can see why he'd want to do that.

SuperFlyHigh · 25/04/2016 12:41

Enjoying judging by the police budget/policy these days obviously it's better spent minding kids (and organising days out so the kids don't see them as "bad guys" more community policing i think??

LaContessaDiPlump · 25/04/2016 12:45

I'd be annoyed if an outing, in which my DC would be parent-free but still under scrutiny by responsible people, was changed to this extent. I think op was looking forward to her DS getting the experience of being in a group of friends in an environment which is reasonably safe but, importantly, parent-free. I think she's annoyed that this will not now be happening and PO'd at the parents who can't let their (presumably very embarrassed) DS get on with it.

If my dad had tagged along (and was the only parent to do so) on a trip like this at that age then I'd have been MORTIFIED.

LitteRedSparkle · 25/04/2016 12:48

" they're all getting on buses and going to secondary school in September. "
hugely different to going on a coach trip to a theme park type place - my DS10 will be doing the same

"or to go on the organised, supervised coach trip" - so its just another adult, and i think YABU (especially on the 'really bloody angry' part)

Blu · 25/04/2016 12:57

I too would have been mortified at 10 had my parent decided to come along and hover when I was on an organised trip with the police.

Presumably the police will get to know the kids on the coach on the way there, give them clear guidelines about what to do, and will keep an eye on them.

The Police do lots of community initiatives, volunteering, running summer projects etc. It sounds as if the OP's DS won some sort of award for doing something that ultimately makes the police's lives easier.

Verbena37 · 25/04/2016 13:17

You haven't given enough background really OP.
Do you know the trip organisers.
Are the children being split into adult/child rations (1/10)? Etc or are they just wondering off on their own all day?

10yrs on a coach trip is fine but I wouldn't be happy for my 10yr old to have no adult linked to their group for a day, nope siree!

OurBlanche · 25/04/2016 13:23

Crikey! Being split into adult/children rations?

The trip is run by the Police, not Cannibals R Us!

And it is absolutely impossible for the trip to be manned along any other lines than the usual safeguarding guidelines, including staffing, H+S etc, yes sirree!

Roversandrhodes · 25/04/2016 13:42

Personally I think a group of ten yr olds should be accompanied at a theme park ,they're too young to not be .

Tessabelle74 · 25/04/2016 13:43

Blu the OP said the police will have a check point and will do occasional walk rounds of the park. That's not supervision in my book! I also said a FAMILIAR adult so yes, school trips etc are fine as they're with adults they know!

Verbena37 · 25/04/2016 13:45

I have just seen the police bit.
However, if it were a school or Cubs trip for that age group, every child would be a in group with the correct adult /child ratio, yes.
They wouldn't just let them wander off around a theme park at that age, no matter what the police are doing.

Verbena37 · 25/04/2016 13:47

The usual safeguarding guidelines aren't guidelines.....I'm pretty sure they're mandatory for organised trips with children that age.

Blu · 25/04/2016 13:47

PMSL at CannibalsRUs.

Come to think about it, of course the police will have to abide by stringent safeguarding rules.

teatowel · 25/04/2016 13:51

The OP is not asking for peoples opinions as to whether her son is too young to go to the park on a supervised visit she is asking if one parent should be able to change how the day is run. I don't think she is being unreasonable at all. The other mother had the offer of an an alternative ticket she should have taken that.

Waltermittythesequel · 25/04/2016 14:25

He's not changing how the day is run.

He's already said he wouldn't be responsible for the other kids so how is he changing?

He's choosing to supervise his own child, which he's perfectly entitled to do.

MissBattleaxe · 25/04/2016 14:42

For all you know Op, the boy's whose Dad is going may have a health condition that's not widely known. Or he may not be as mature as the others, or be as accustomed to freedom.

beckyda0610 · 25/04/2016 15:27

If there was an open ticket and u had a problem with someone whose child's safety is obviously very important to them regardless if they other parents wanted there ten year old children left to walk around a theme park filled with hundreds maybe thousands of teenagers/children/adults/and god knows what else... then can I ask why didn't YOU take the open trip and plan a unsupervised visit for your child with like minded parents. Why should the other child change there ticket because it's not to your liking?
....just saying

Boomingmarvellous · 25/04/2016 15:29

I wouldn't let a 10 year old, even with friends, go on their own to a theme park. I'm with your DH.

teatowel · 25/04/2016 16:27

The winners were given the chance to go with on the supervised coach trip or to have an open ticket to go with anyone they chose ie their parents. If this child has a health issue or his parents are worried why didn't they take that option? Instead the boys have an adult who is with them but not really with them and with no clear definition of responsibility. Confusing for every one. Added to which the boys DH doesn't want to go!

rookiemere · 25/04/2016 16:35

It sounds like the DM had a change of mind about letting her DS go on the trip unaccompanied.
It happens. Perhaps she blithely thought oh yes the police are taking them round and then realised that in fact no they aren't, hence why the boys DF is now going.
Doesn't seem too dreadful to me and to be so outraged about this decision regarding a 10-11 year old seems a bit overwhelming.

LizzyELane · 25/04/2016 17:15

OP if your DS is especially mature and sensible I can see that you may be a bit irritated, however, most 10 year old boys aren't and I wouldn't have wanted either of mine when that age to travel to a theme park unattended. I'm sure that's how the other mum is feeling! As other MNers have said just enjoy the fact that you don't have to spend a day watching kids at a theme park, I can't think of anything more boring! And I'm sure the DH , even tho not officially taking responsibility for all three boys, would still help should there (hopefully not) be any emergency with your boy. I would be relieved if this were me. Also, it is great for kids to be independent, but all in good time, if your DS is given too much now I worry that he will be questioning why he can't stay out all night at parties, go to festivals, etc, whilst still a bit too young! The situation is not the end of the world, wish him a lovely day out and breathe a sigh of relief that the three are not totally 'on their own' all day!

Ihangmyknickersontheline · 25/04/2016 17:55

The OP didn't make it clear at first that this was a supervised trip..prob to create a bit of MN drama..but then it's clear the kids will be looked after so no real issues..and the fact that a dad is going along too would only help to reassure me further..the boys will think nothing of it.

OurBlanche · 25/04/2016 17:58

Oddly that information is in the OP

Adding a bit of background information - the prize gave the option of an open day ticket to allow the winners to go whenever with whoever, or to go on the organised, supervised coach trip.

The drama was caused by some missing it!

Ihangmyknickersontheline · 25/04/2016 18:09

Sorry OurBlanche, that doesn't read to me that the children will have constant supervision throughout, and can/was easily misinterpreted. The 'With Whoever' was not made clear until a few posts later...