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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really bloody angry about this

185 replies

ingeniousidiot · 24/04/2016 12:18

My DS10 and 3 friends won a prize of a day trip to a local theme park travelling by coach. Three of the parents were happy (with mild concerns) to let the kids enjoy it as their first grown up day trip. One decided that she wanted her dh to trail the kids all day. AIBU to be pissed off that he is essentially changing the dynamics of the group and the presence of the DH standing in the queues behind them completely changes their day?

Adding a bit of background information - the prize gave the option of an open day ticket to allow the winners to go whenever with whoever, or to go on the organised, supervised coach trip. The DH didn't want to go, the other parents didn't want him to go. The DH has said that he will not be responsible for the other children.
AIBU in thinking that she should've chosen the open day ticket and made it a family trip another time, rather than our children being stalked for the day?

OP posts:
GreaseIsNotTheWord · 24/04/2016 15:37

School trips to theme parks mean that the kids can split off and go where they choose and join back up with the supervisors at the end of the day. And that is most definitely at secondary age.

Letting a 10 year old go around a theme park alone with friends all day is bloody irresponsible IMO.

EverySongbirdSays · 24/04/2016 15:40

Hmmmmmmmm

I have a very different perspective. I was the kid who's mother always insisted on coming on the school trips right through to about Yr 9. One of these was a theme park trip in maybe Yr 7, and I was literally the only one who's parent came.

I feel for the 10 yr old boy whose DF it is, imagine being the one when all his mates are being treated like bigger boys for Daddy to have a visual reins on him. I think it's even weirder that he won't take responsibility for the other boys.

"I'm muscling in on this trip and I'll be looking after MY son who'll be palling around with yours but if YOUR son vomits and I'm right there he's on his own"

It's a bit weird.

I think anger is a bit excessive though.

But for all these people who are like oh YABU - it's a police trip would you be the same about a Scouts/Guides trip or a Church trip that is organised and supervised and your child is going with 3 friends but ones Dad is insisting on tagging along with his PFB yet has made an open declaration that YOUR child is on his own.

Is it Alton Towers? Are they shitting it over The Smiler thing? Paranoid but slightly more understandable

bakeoffcake · 24/04/2016 15:40

It's not "supervised" if the DC are being allowed to be in their own all day.

Or the supervision is such that they aren't on their own all day, then they aren't on their own all day!

So I don't know why you're so annoyed.

Gide · 24/04/2016 15:41

YABU. Central meeting point and police wandering round is not the same as close supervision, plus the police won't recognise the children on the trip. It's not up to you how other people parent. Personally, hell would freeze over before I let ten year olds spend a day in a theme park with no adult on their tail.

Youarentkiddingme · 24/04/2016 15:42

I think people's judgements here are based on "theme park". There is a massive difference between somewhere like Paultons park and Alton towers.

I see what you are saying. You agreed your children could go with the police who organised it. They were excited about 'going alone'. Except they aren't.

My 11yo doesn't do a lot of this stuff because he's not ready yet - I wouldn't dream on sending him and cramping the other kids by attending with him.

ghostyslovesheep · 24/04/2016 15:43

it's supervised - and ONE of the people who's going to be keeping an eye on them is the dad of one of them - so it's no big deal really

I totally agree with cat - I can't imagine getting worked up over something so innocuous

EverySongbirdSays · 24/04/2016 15:45

I certainly wouldn't have been impressed at that age to be supervised by a friend's parent if my parents had agreed I could go 'alone'

Well precisely, and this is the backlash I experienced. They've done their child no favours.

SisterMoonshine · 24/04/2016 15:47

Ok, just seen how it is to be supervised...
"they'll have a central 'help' point and will be visibly walking around the park all day.."

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 24/04/2016 15:48

(Missing the point) I'm with SaucyJack. Where the flipping hell are you where the police take kids out on a supervised coach trip to a theme park?

SecretWitch · 24/04/2016 15:50

YABU. How weird to be "bloody angry" over a situation like this. You don't get to dictate how other parent's manage their children. Get over yourself.

ParadiseCity · 24/04/2016 15:56

When I was a kid the Staffordshire police ran the best ever summer scheme. It was utterly brilliant. Like a summer long youth club with bbqs and discos and trips to Alton Towers. I remember it so happily. It was called the SPACE scheme and we all loved it.

OurBlanche · 24/04/2016 15:59

All the pubic services run outings here too... there are regular 'fights' over the Paramedics one as you 'have' to do the 1st aid day too - they use lots of nasty/real prosthetics, it is really bloody Smile

ChocolateStash · 24/04/2016 16:02

Yabu. He is going to supervise his own child. You, and the other parents are choosing to let your dc got unsupervised, he doesn't want to be responsible for minding your child. Everyone parents differently, there is no 'right' answer, you choose one way, he chooses a different way.

Czerny88 · 24/04/2016 17:04

Children of primary-school age go to events like PGL adventure holidays which are residential and where they probably wouldn't know any of the supervisors in advance, so it seems reasonable for these children nearing the end of Year 6 (I'm assuming, although I guess they could be Year 5) to have a supervised day out without accompanying parents. If that had all been thought through and agreed I can understand that it would be annoying if one of the parents subsequently changed the nature of the trip, although it probably isn't worth being furious about.

Witchend · 24/04/2016 17:15

I'd be surprised if the theme park is happy with a group of 10yos on their own. Certainly Legoland, when I went said under 14s had to be accompanied. And they did keep to it if they found out. I was in customer services when a pair of 12yos came in, one having tripped and grazed her knee. (not badly)
They refused to release her except to an adult as she was under 14yo. She initially tried to pretend they had adults on the park, but eventually admitted they'd been dropped off and they said they couldn't let them go anyway, so she ended up phoning to ask to be picked up.

OurBlanche · 24/04/2016 17:17

They will not be on their own

rookiemere · 24/04/2016 17:22

PGL though is very different as presumably they don't let random people on the site, and there are trained adult supervisors on site.

I'm not sure if this is the role that the police are meant to be fulfilling in this scenario, if the DCs have a named contact that they can reach and regular checkpoints every couple of hours with this adult then I suppose that would be different, but it sounds as if the idea is that they can just go to the police if there was any trouble which isn't good enough IMHO for a 10 year old.

To me the appropriate level of independence for that age group would be to let them go off for half an hour/hour on their own to go on a couple rides whilst the adult remained on the site, and I don't think I'm a particularly helicopter parent type. Maybe I'm wildly out of touch with things.

newname99 · 24/04/2016 17:36

Love your posts Cat:)

Op, I think YABU.After 10 years of parenting you must have learnt that other parents will do things differently based on their child.I'm sure the dad wanted to let hischild be with his friends but also go along to offer support if needed.

I think you are imagining the dad being overbearing and that would be very wrong assumption.

I think it's important that you don't let your anger influence your son, if the other boy is a friend then you should support him and his parents choice.

Your son is only 10, he will get lots of opportunities to be grown up, doesn't mean this has been 'taken' from him.I think showing anger over this isn't a good role model to your son.I would be encouraging him to see why the dad may have chosen to go along and reassure your son he will still have a fantastic time.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 24/04/2016 17:50

every

I think the OP would be frothing at the mouth if the other father had volunteered to take any responsibility for the others.

MsMommie · 24/04/2016 18:16

What is 'a bit bloody odd' is that you think every parent should think like you do and get angry when they don't. It's not 'a bit bloody odd' that an adult doesn't want their child free to wander around a theme park alone at 10 years old and thinks check points and police also wandering around isn't adequate supervision for their child.

NotCitrus · 24/04/2016 19:35

In some areas the police run activity camps and this includes day trips. My first job was being a volunteer on a police-run playscheme in South London and as one of the few women I ended up going to Dreamland in Margate and to Chessington about 20 times in two months.

I was expected to stay with my group of 10+11yos, which did mean we all got thrown out of the Bubbleworks when the ones in the next boat tried climbing out. The 12yos upwards were allowed to roam (and got frisked on the way out for all the stuff they'd pickpocketed!)

Moreisnnogedag · 24/04/2016 20:02

I think each group of kids should be assigned a trainee undercover police officer for the day. If the kids realise they're being trailed then the cop is out. It's a win-win solution.

Adarajames · 24/04/2016 21:54

Lots of asking they don't know the police, has op said they do or don't? Could be Cadets / play scheme where kids and cops do know one another, which could change opinions, Op?

Bambambini · 24/04/2016 22:14

So how are they being supervised if they are free to run around all day on their own?

pillowaddict · 24/04/2016 22:40

Frankly it's a bit odd you're so annoyed, if he's going solely to care for his own dc then yours doesn't need to worry about his presence, does he? And to be honest I can't really understand this concept of a supervised trip provided by the police. Do the children know anyone going? I think 10 is still quite young for a group of that age to go for a day trip with nobody familiar, police or not.