To just book flights and tell husband to sort kids

[Mousedl1]

AIBU or is my DH -said losely at this point- he works shifts so leaves the house at 6.00am daily. But last night I got a phone call late at night saying my granddad who lives in Southern Ireland is seriously ill has MRSA and his organs are shutting down. The hospital have said he is dying and non responsive and it's a matter of time.
I want to book flights today to go there coming back Tues or Wed to either say goodbye or attend his funeral as in Ireland it's literally straight away. He is saying he can't change shifts it's too late and refusing to help try and sort anything for our 3 DC which would mean I can't go! I feel like just booking my flight and saying tough shit you best sort something

I'd glad to hear you've managed to go.
At least your family and friends are supportive enough to help you out, it's good to have people around you like that
Saying goodbye is important if your offered the chance xx

I'm so sorry about your Grandad. I hope you get to say goodbye to him and it helps you deal with the grieving process.

And yes, you and your husband need to sort out why you are doing everything including paying all the bills and doing all the childcare. I daren't even ask about who does the housework but I can guess.

OP you should go
And sorry but your husband is an arse
If you pay the rent and bills anyway it's not like there's an issue with that so go. Sorry you're having this experience.

Pm sent. Yanbu.

Thinking of you OP yanbu, so glad you've managed to book a flight and go

I'm glad you are going. I hope it goes as well as it can for you.

The headspace will also give you time to think about how to deal with an unsupportive partner when you get home. Head on over to the relationships board when you are ready- there are more supportive, compassionate people there. AIBU tends to bring out the worst of some people.

I'm glad you've managed to sort it out OP,but bad show by your husband leaving you to deal with everything and organize everything.

I hope it all goes as well as it possibly can OP and Good Luck for the talk when you get back.x

there's no way many shift workers would be able to get time off like this. I think OP should take DC or not go. far safer and cheaper all round.

She's asking her DH to help sort out childcare by him asking his sister
^
He won't need to take time off if he pulls his finger out to sort it out!!
^
It's not just moms job to sort arrangements out.

I remember when DC 3 had an accident early morning and an ambulance was called -

This meant he needed to take the kids to school and go work later -

But he whined "I have to get to work"

I lost it - DC3 was injured and he only had to delay work by an hour - tough!

He's not done it since and steps up to be a parent to his children

Glad you're going op

I'm glad you sorted it, OP , and I'm sorry about your granddad.

You weren't being U; your husband was. I can't believe the brass neck of suggesting you 'go today and come back tomorrow' to see a dying family member!

And it was you who had to run round sorting it out and pulling in favours, when all you should have been doing was booking a flight and packing while HE stepped up and sorted out HIS children.

I hope you do kick his arse have words when you get back and I hope he raises his game.

Prob shouldn't mention I made a roast while packing for me and 3DC, dropping stuff off to relevant people for boys, sorting dogs, emailing childcare etc and cleaning and doing washing. But I haven't the strength to fight it today and it will indeed be a serious discussion for my return

So pleaaed you have managed to sort care for your DC and sincerely hope you can say goodbye to your grandad and support your mum through her loss too.
For me the real issue here is your H unwillingness to even look at ways he can support you during this sad time.
Maybe it is you that normally takes control but in times of grief people can wobble a bit (not saying you have) and would expect our partners to support us in whatever way they can.
My DP works shifts in a team of four driving, and he would be disciplined if he took leave at short notice. He has had to attend many meetings at short notice re our DS, as long as he arranges his own cover they are fine. He covered a colleague last week when his disabled mother fell and tomorrow night he is covering his boss while he covers another boss. Cannot believe your H didn't even try.

I hate funerals (lost too many loved ones) but would jib my job before missing a siblings...each to their own.

OP, I think you have made the right choice to go, there are no second chances in these cases. My Dad in Ireland died recently. I had visited the week before, and was going back for Easter with DD and DH. He was failing so I booked flights for myself and DD a few days before we had planned to go anyway, but he died hours before we got there. The chance to say goodbye is one that you will never get again. I hope you get to say goodbye to your Grandad, and I hope you get to stay for his funeral as well. Being far away from your relatives can be so hard at these times. It is really stressful getting ' the phonecall', making the decision whether to go, when to go, how to go and dealing with the whole heap of shit that is flying. If your H can't empathise with any aspect of your situation that is very sad. It's one thing to be a bit of a lazy sod in terms of housework and routine childcare, but quite another to treat the death of your Grandpa as some sort of trivial inconvenience.