Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To just book flights and tell husband to sort kids

138 replies

Mousedl1 · 24/04/2016 06:42

AIBU or is my DH -said losely at this point- he works shifts so leaves the house at 6.00am daily. But last night I got a phone call late at night saying my granddad who lives in Southern Ireland is seriously ill has MRSA and his organs are shutting down. The hospital have said he is dying and non responsive and it's a matter of time.
I want to book flights today to go there coming back Tues or Wed to either say goodbye or attend his funeral as in Ireland it's literally straight away. He is saying he can't change shifts it's too late and refusing to help try and sort anything for our 3 DC which would mean I can't go! I feel like just booking my flight and saying tough shit you best sort something

OP posts:

Lweji · 24/04/2016 09:03

Go.

If he or you were seriously ill, they'd have to manage without him, so I'm sure they will as well this time.
He can sort it out if he wants go.

Original poster

Mousedl1 · 24/04/2016 09:04

It's more that he hasn't even tried to help out or even discuss options it was I am tired and can't talk now- my Grandad won't wait u till you are less tired because you have been to pub with mates. He is currently sleeping as is tired while I am trying to sort everything.
Our families are strained and I don't actually have his sisters number it's not that I don't want to ring plus she went to a 70th birthday last night so aware she will be in bed anyway

OP posts:

SabineUndine · 24/04/2016 09:07

Funerals may not be everyone's priority but Pearlymum is treating everyone who has ever cried at a funeral with complete contempt. That is WAY out of order.

leelu66 · 24/04/2016 09:08

I pay the bills and rent he doesn't pay any of that and his money is his - yes I earn more so it's not as if we couldn't pay anything

He is a cocklodger. Book your flights and go. I know now is not the time, but when you come back, you may need to consider whether you want to stay married to such a selfish and unsupportive man. sorry about your grandfather, OP.

Only1scoop · 24/04/2016 09:10

Go to see your grandpa.

Your dh behaviour is shocking and completely inflexible.

Then address the situation you are in within your 'marriage'

Daffolill · 24/04/2016 09:11

He won't necessarily need to take 3 days off work though will he, he could ask for flexible hours during those days or ask his sister to help out.

If it came to it I would take the kids with me op I know it's not ideal but at least you could say your goodbyes to your grandad.

Pearly your posts are insensitive on a thread where op is about to lose a family member. Well done for you and your dh that work comes before anything else, the rest of us who have feelings and emotions obviously realise that however inconvenient, life sometimes gets in the way.

wheresthel1ght · 24/04/2016 09:13

No she isn't she is explaining that it is not always possible to drop everything. For her DH the crocodile tears and the bs fake sentiment wasn't a priority. Not everyone who cries at a funeral is genuinely sad. But you are taking this away from the point of the thread and making it about something completely different

LagunaBubbles · 24/04/2016 09:17

wheresthelight it's not that some people don't see funerals as a priority or not, you are clearly reading Pearlymums posts completely different from me and other people who see a different tone. It's about grief and loss and prioritising that over any other work commitment, no matter how "important" that may be.

CoolforKittyCats · 24/04/2016 09:17

Funerals are not everyone's priority. Some people would rather remember the persons life. Just because your outlook is different to hers doesn't mean you are right and she is wrong

^ this.

TheStoic · 24/04/2016 09:19

Yikes. There are some odd folk on this thread.

Go, OP. You won't forgive either yourself OR your husband if you don't.

bakeoffcake · 24/04/2016 09:20

So you work and pay for everything in the home?
H works but spends all the money on himself?
H refuses to sort out his 3 children, whilst you go and see your dying grandfather?

Why are you with this person?

If I were you I would book the tickets and let him sort the children out.

When I'm got back I'd tell the useless H to leave as I was divorcing him.

coolaschmoola · 24/04/2016 09:21

The reverse is also true...

molyholy · 24/04/2016 09:21

Fucking hell pearly. I bet it's all love and joy in your house!! I feel sorry for you.

OP. Go. And I seriously would be rwthinking staying married to you 'd'h on your return.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 24/04/2016 09:40

Amummyatlast - what would happen to the family if the dh lost his job as a result of this?? Nothing by the sounds of it because he keeps his money and doesn't pay a penney to rent and bills so it would largely unaffect them!!

Op go, your dh isn't a job that it would a matter of life or death or flying out at great cost to a company, he is in retail ffs, yes his boss might be pissed off but you have covered all of the days so he is looking for a shift change at worst not time off.

I'd be more understanding if he was being nice about it but he is a cock lodging prick, you'd be aswell off to book flights for you and the kids and forget to come home, give him a taste of paying the rent then

Waltermittythesequel · 24/04/2016 09:52

Plus in Ireland they do open coffin the night before

No, not always. So that's not necessarily an issue. However, I still don't see how you could look after them and grieve properly so I can understand not wanting to bring them.

Your 'd'p sounds like a cock lodging dickhead.

Emus · 24/04/2016 10:00

Your DH is being very unreasonable in my opinion. I can't understand his attitude at all. I hope you manage to get it sorted and get to say goodbye to your grandfather.

pearlylum · 24/04/2016 10:13

No funerals are not a big priority for my OH. His view is that the deceased has already left, so a funeral is not very significant, it's there for the grieving relatives not the departed one.

mygorgeousmilo · 24/04/2016 10:16

I think that you should go regardless... Either way you'll be arguing about it, but at least you can live without regret. Someone you love, and their final moments, are non negotiable. My husband works shifts and when, for example, I've been really extremely unwell - he's had no choice but to call in and say "I have to look after my children". I don't think he got paid, but so be it! However it all works, and who does what, just go!

ConchettaFeta · 24/04/2016 10:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ameliablue · 24/04/2016 10:20

it's there for the grieving relatives not the departed one.

And that is precisely why they are so important.

pearlylum · 24/04/2016 10:22

"And that is precisely why they are so important."

Not to everyone.

Daffolill · 24/04/2016 10:28

The thing is though it's not just about attending the funeral the op may have a chance to say goodbye to her grandad. So the importance of attending a funeral for pearlys dh isn't really relevant.

Lweji · 24/04/2016 10:28

The OP said she wants to say goodbye, not so much the funeral.
So discussions about funerals are almost irrelevant here.

I hope you get there and have that chance, Mouse.

When my grandad died I dropped everything and bf at the time took time out just to take me to the airport. Because he cared. (At least at the time)

I'd definitely go and work on reconsidering my relationship (in view of the other issues) when I got back.

Dollymixtureyumyum · 24/04/2016 10:28

Well this this is obviously very important to the OP. I don't know what things other than work is important to you and your DP Pearly but I take it you would support each other when one either one of you needs it.'

pearlylum · 24/04/2016 10:30

OP you could fly out this morning and back this evening?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread