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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scouts Parade v family life

363 replies

ParadiseCity · 23/04/2016 15:57

My 11 yo is in scouts and tomorrow there is a St Georges parade through town. His leader told them all 'it's compulsory and you can't be excused unless you are dead or dying'. However, DS is reluctant and I just don't have the inclination to jolly him into it. I'm glad he does scouts but at that age I was a guide and remember how embarrassing the public parades were. I'm normally ultra supportive of all their activities and think that when you have committed to something you stick with it etc. But he committed to Tuesday evenings down the road not a Sunday afternoon in town. I work full time, juggle a lot of stuff (as we all do), and just for once I CANNOT BE ARSED. AIBU and should I woman up and make him go?

OP posts:
MTPurse · 23/04/2016 18:48

My ds will be parading tomorrow in one of the most beautiful Cathedrals in England, I know another MNetters dd will be there too as I seen her there last night for the practice.

It sounds like a lot of people on this thread are just not committed to what they signed their dc up for, nothing is compulsory in cubs where we are but most parents will make the effort to get their dc there, it is not only respectful to the leaders who take time out of their life to volunteer but also shows dc that part of being a group in the community isn't always about having 'fun'.

Itsmine · 23/04/2016 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sanchar · 23/04/2016 18:54

We had our parade a week ago, it said nothing about being compulsory on the online invitation.
Ds couldn't go anyway as they held it in another village miles away from our town and dh was away with the car.

BertrandRussell · 23/04/2016 18:56

"We are the UK's biggest mixed youth organisation. We change lives by offering 6- to 25-year-olds fun and challenging activities, unique experiences, everyday adventure and the chance to help others so that we make a positive impact in communities.

Scouts helps children and young adults reach their full potential. Scouts develop skills including teamwork, time management, leadership, initiative, planning, communication, self-motivation, cultural awareness and commitment. We help young people to get jobs, save lives and even change the world."

First para on the website. Doesn't sound to me like an organizations where it's OK to "dump the boring stuff"........

Almostfifty · 23/04/2016 18:57

From the Scout website: '

Scouts helps children and young adults reach their full potential. Scouts develop skills including teamwork, time management, leadership, initiative, planning, communication, self-motivation, cultural awareness and commitment. We help young people to get jobs, save lives and even change the world.'

It's not just about having fun. Teamwork, caring for others, helping the community. Every decent Scout Group has this kind of thing as it's centre.

Almostfifty · 23/04/2016 18:58

Snap Bertrand!

Balletgirlmum · 23/04/2016 18:59

Which is exactly why they should respect the fact that these children also have responsibilities & commitments to other sports teams, theatre rehearsals etc.

They should not be encouraging their members to let other teammates down.

Xmasbaby11 · 23/04/2016 19:01

Your ds should go. It is only one day. So what if it's a rush? That's a really poor excuse. It's no excuse at all.

GeorgeTheThird · 23/04/2016 19:01

He needs to go. Or quit Scouts.

Almostfifty · 23/04/2016 19:01

Ballet I don't. I expect them to come along if they've not other commitments.

If they're just sitting playing on their XBox while their parents have a lie-in (I know that's not the case with the OP) when I'm there giving up my Sunday, then I might be rather annoyed.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 23/04/2016 19:09

No one I knew did cubs or brownies when we were dc. I knew it was a big club, but I only really understood it in the context of a youth club, with a uniform.

We had a text from school saying new groups were being set up local and would anyone like to join. ds1 and dd1 said they wanted to go as their school friends were going, so we went, signed them up - nothing was mentioned about parades or anything, they've been there a year and never done one. Nothing has been billed as compulsory, we were just told about all these fun activities they could do and set up the payments. I bought uniforms from ebay as recommended by the leaders so I haven't been on the website.

NickiFury · 23/04/2016 19:15

The pomposity on this thread is making me giggle and I am a person who would ensure my child went as well. I'm from an army background and this kind stuff was important, regimental parades, Remembrance Sunday etc. it meant a great deal to us.

But if It doesn't connect with your own personal belief system, why do it?

momb · 23/04/2016 19:21

I really do appreciate what the leaders do and the hours they put in. But kind of wish it could all be fun stuff and skip the boring dull parts that no one really wants to do...

Right, because scouting is about fun stuff without the commitment or community involvement.

You can either help him to understand the ideology of what he's signed up for, or pull him out into a youth club with the fun and a drop in drop out ethos.

I get that you are tired. I get that it is an almighty faff on a day when you have other stuff on. Any parent with children with multiple extracurricular activities can absolutely empathise with your thoughts on this...but...but...he needs to go, Precisely because it isn't easy this time.. That is exactly the lesson to be learned by your DS tomorrow.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 23/04/2016 19:31

I volunteer in Guiding and we don't have compulsory parades, but if we can we will do a sleepover the night before church parade as it's the only time we get more tab a handful out of 40+ girls show up

I remember proper parades as a brownie myself and loved them

Scouting and Guiding is not just a youth club. We are uniformed organisations where members make a commitment to a common standard. And your DS is old enough to understand that it's not all fun and camp, sometimes there's serious stuff that he may not want to do, but he just has to.

purplevase · 23/04/2016 19:31

If he's not doing anything else more important he should go.

My ds was in scouts and cubs and went to every Remembrance Day parade except last year (can't remember why now but not just because he didn't want to, there was a genuine reason).

AugustaFinkNottle · 23/04/2016 19:32

The thing about saying they can't pick and choose the fun bits is - this is something they're doing in their free time - if a large proportion of the kids don't enjoy it, why do it? I get the thing about community involvement, but frankly marching doesn't do a whole lot for the community; I would rather my children were doing something useful in the community by, say, helping old people or litter picking.

But I have to admit I'm quite jaundiced about cubs after DS' experience. His group seemed to spend large portions of their time playing football, which he wasn't that interested in so he never got much out of it. When the leader started a raging affair with DS' best friend's father I felt that this wasn't promoting quite the community and Christian values that I wanted him to learn, and we packed it in with much relief all round.

BertrandRussell · 23/04/2016 19:32

"But if It doesn't connect with your own personal belief system, why do it?"

Absolutely.

But I can't see why it's pompous to think it's a good idea for kids to do stuff that's not just fun sometimes.

Blu · 23/04/2016 19:48

I don't suppose marching does help the community, but a community loves a parade, a cultural event, a seasonal calendar of civic displays.

I agree: if Scouts doesn't fit your personal beliefs, don't join your kids up. But this is what Scouts do, contribute to civic events.

I am a republican and an atheist, and so is DS but he chose to be in Scouts, got a lot out of it, and felt loyal enough to the organisation, and to the leaders of his pack, to do his bit in the parades.

Almostfifty · 23/04/2016 19:48

August your experience is obviously not normal in Scouting. None of the Leaders in our Group would behave so unprofessionally, they're all professional people in their working lives.

EweAreHere · 23/04/2016 19:50

lalalalyrla, That's outrageous! I'm so sorry that happened to your girls.

StepAwayFromTheThesaurus · 23/04/2016 19:51

It's quite scary how people assume that just because you don't do religious stuff that means that you're (a) only interested in the fun and (b) the kind of lazy person who never puts themselves out for others.

And similarly, forgetting that many of those people who are smugly patting themselves on the back because they make them go to church twice a year, probably don't take the day off work to set up the hall for an event and then stay behind to clean up, or volunteer for everything. But, hey, they turned up for a parade and that's the sum total of commitment. Hmm

Personally, I'd be happy to be an assistant scouting leader leader and put myself out week in, week out (and have filled in the DBS forms). I often volunteer for the crappy duties no one else wants. DS1 is a young leader and puts himself out every week too, and does so because he wants to give something back to scouting. But I will not attend a church service and I will not take my children to church (and I have bloody good reasons not to). Luckily the leaders of our scout group are not smug and judgemental like most MNers and actually understand that a church thing is not the most important thing in scouting.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 23/04/2016 19:55

Spot on Stepaway the fact that there is a great deal of disparity in what different troups expect means that there is flexibility and I think sometimes it's about what the leader wants rather than what Scouting as a whole expects. Obviously they are the ones giving up their time and organising everything so it's their perogative to a great extent, but that doesn't make it compulsory as an organisation.

BoneyBackJefferson · 23/04/2016 20:00

I co ran a youth group, where we stated that you had to participate in a set percentage of the "boring" activities that we did.

We did this because some of the fun activities had limited places and it was an easy way of sorting those that could and couldn't go.

(it also meant that we knew if we had to book the same activity twice)

SirChenjin · 23/04/2016 20:00

In which case - find another Scout troop which fits your drop in/out approach. Good luck with that.

EweAreHere · 23/04/2016 20:01

Well said, thesaurus.