Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scouts Parade v family life

363 replies

ParadiseCity · 23/04/2016 15:57

My 11 yo is in scouts and tomorrow there is a St Georges parade through town. His leader told them all 'it's compulsory and you can't be excused unless you are dead or dying'. However, DS is reluctant and I just don't have the inclination to jolly him into it. I'm glad he does scouts but at that age I was a guide and remember how embarrassing the public parades were. I'm normally ultra supportive of all their activities and think that when you have committed to something you stick with it etc. But he committed to Tuesday evenings down the road not a Sunday afternoon in town. I work full time, juggle a lot of stuff (as we all do), and just for once I CANNOT BE ARSED. AIBU and should I woman up and make him go?

OP posts:
Ragwort · 23/04/2016 17:47

You are clearly putting a lot of energy into this thread that might be better placed at organising events for tomorrow - just how much effort is it to pick him up, change quickly and eat a sandwich on the way? Hmm

My DS does an activity which means hours of travelling time, eating at awkward times, disruption of 'family life' - but that all comes with supporting your children.

Why did you want him to join Scouting - is it just for something fun to do on a Tuesday night, surely you had some idea of the wider ethos and values of scouting?

teatowel · 23/04/2016 17:48

I agree with LadyEdith take him out of Scouts. Free up your time. Your Scout leader probably works , has a family and is in the midst of organising the summer terms activities plus a summer camp. He will be there. the least you can do is support him.

SoupDragon · 23/04/2016 17:48

Can a scout parade go ahead if no one "can be arsed"? No

[sigh] and neither can a sports match. My point was that a parade can go ahead without the full group whereas a sports match absolutely can not. If some don't turn up to the parade, no one misses out, if some don't turn up to a sports match, everyone misses out. Anyone with an ounce of sense can see that.

sassytheFIRST · 23/04/2016 17:48

I always made my girls parade when they were Brownies/ Guides. The reason was that these organisations are about fun but they are also about service to the community around them - and part of that was representing their group in parades.

That's the same reason I would drag my freezing arse round the town posting the Scout and guides xmas post in the last week before xmas. Pain in the arse, yes. But I felt it was important to emphasise to the kids that we serve others as well as have a nice time ourselves. (Think I might have been a Puritan in a previous life, reading that !)

TSSDNCOP · 23/04/2016 17:50

Pearly did you mean to be so bloody rude?

In my experience scouting and guiding leaders have a terrific sense of duty. They do great stuff with kids and it's cheap and inclusive.

SoupDragon · 23/04/2016 17:51

oddly enough,both DSs were sixers/seconders despite their rugby commitments on a Sunday.

Almostfifty · 23/04/2016 17:52

pearly I don't force any of our Group to go. As I said, we don't do St George's Day in Scotland.

I do however, explain how important it is to remember the people that gave their lives in the World Wars. That they gave their lives so they could be free. That giving up one Sunday a year is a good thing to remember those that died.

Our Group normally has good attendance and yes, they usually enjoy it. It's the OP who says her DS doesn't enjoy it, not me.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 23/04/2016 17:52

Yep you were never going to listen to anyone OP. Well only the few with no sense of responsibility.

You can't be bothered and that's that.

LadyEdith · 23/04/2016 17:53

You're missing the point Pearly. Scouts is not compulsory. No-one is forced to join scouts. But it you do join, then you have made a commitment and parading once a year is part of that.

This thread is starting to give me the rage. I despair I really do. Let's all just not do things that are not compulsory because we are reluctant or can't be arsed. I used to be a school governor and was involved in appointing a new headmaster. If we'd all taken that attitude, there would have been no new head because the appointment can't go ahead without governors.

My aunty used to run the League of Friends' coffee bar at a hospital (voluntary). If she couldn't be arsed turning up hundreds of patients and staff would have had no refreshments all day.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 23/04/2016 17:54

We are non English atheists, we don't have a St Georges parade. Scouts are requested to attend the local annual Remembrance day service which mine do as it's about respect to people who gave their lives for our freedom. It is never made "compulsory" but attendance is always high.

Deux · 23/04/2016 17:55

OP, you're clearly tired and fed-up. And it's one thing you could do without.

Could you ask another parent to take your DS? In our group the leaders would always try to facilitate this kind of thing if they could help by emailing other parents.

2016ismyyear · 23/04/2016 17:57

I'm the type of parent that commits to things such as this.

Attitudes like this really annoy me. You see the same parents screech up late in cars and kicks their kids out every week without a thanks to those who volunteer. They never attend please anything that remotely puts them out. First to moan about cost of extra trips or camps and always seem to be the ones paying after deadlines ( no not skint ).

Scouting is a commitment and a privilege. The volunteers work tirelessly ( I did a period as a regular parent helper ) and attendance at a parade is a small way to show your thanks.

Kr1stina · 23/04/2016 17:57

It sounds like scouting isn't for you then, if you don't agree with the principles behind the movement and how it's run . In that case you should withdraw your son from scouts and be true to your beliefs . There are plenty other out of school activities that Might fit better with your family and your views,

FWIW, I am not English, nor a monarchist nor into parades . But if my son was a scout, he would be there tomorrow . Because he needs to learn about loyalty and commitment and keeping your word and making an effort when you CBA. As well as learning to show appreciation and respect for the adults who freely give up their time to run such organisations.

Groovee · 23/04/2016 18:01

I would at least send the scout leader a message saying he cannot make it.

My son's scout group leader used to insist that they attended the youth service once a year and could be rude about it. Yet Dd went through Girlguiding in the same church they were invited to come, never told they had to.

As a brownie leader. We never attend as most of my girls have other commitments. Parents prefer sleepovers on Friday nights due to Sunday's being busy. In GG church parade is not compulsory and cannot be forced.

pearlylum · 23/04/2016 18:02

ladyedith- I am a school governor, my DD does 18 hours of dance classes a week, my DS (18 ) still at school works 5 hours a week at the local food bank.

I think you are missing the point.

2016ismyyear · 23/04/2016 18:02

The amount of parents who couldn't be bothered to tell a leader their child would be attending or had left all together was ridiculous too. So rude.

mrsmuddlepies · 23/04/2016 18:03

You might want to give the D of E awards a miss at secondary school then. There are parents that allow their offspring to miss camps and hikes then belly ache when they don't get the award at the end of the course.
I am sure you are not like that at all OP. It's just frustrating to run things and not be given support.
My children's Woodcraft Folk group only allowed children to join if their parents committed to organising and running two individual sessions a term. It worked really well and gave everyone a vested interest in securing the best for the group.

starry0ne · 23/04/2016 18:03

I have skimmed about 5 pages...

My DS will be going..He is on a sleepover tonight so will be tired... He will be going partly because he wants to , but because it is part of cubs..

I don't even have to cajole my Ds..He enjoys it.

Viviennemary · 23/04/2016 18:03

If he doesn't want to go and you're not keen on parades well it does seem like it would be easier for everyone if he didn't go. But on the other hand these things take a lot of organising and it must be a bit annoying for the leaders when everyone makes a different excuse not to go. So if as people seem to think it's a big part of being a Scout then on balance he should go.

Kr1stina · 23/04/2016 18:07

He is, it's the getting back from Sport and getting ready and eating and getting to the dropping off point that is going to be a struggle

I have a son the same age as yours who gets himself to an activity three or four times a week by catching a bus and a train. It's a 1:20 journey each way .

He buys a £3 meal deal in tesco. However,. Boots , M and S , WH smiths, morrisons , garages and other stores do similar , I'm sure they have one in your town .

My son also takes a small day sack with a change of clothes in it and his sports equipment . Again, they sell these bags in many stores. They have changing facilities in many sports venues .

If you have a car you will find it even easier I think.

HTH

OneMagnumisneverenough · 23/04/2016 18:08

How can it be a big part of being a Scout if it only happens in England?

2016ismyyear · 23/04/2016 18:09

I forgot the parents who want the sleepover ahead of the parade but want to collect them before parade so they can avoid traffic after parade.....

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 23/04/2016 18:10

You should join Woodcraft Folk instead Grin We go on (non compulsory) protest marches instead of parades...

TheFlyingFauxPas · 23/04/2016 18:10

Ds (13) absolutely refused to do it. He was going to be asked to do flag etc. I gave him the whole speech about responsibility, giving something back to a group he takes so much from etc etc. It was still a flat no and it seems to be for the reason he doesn't want people seeing him. I was really apologetic to the leader. He was fine! Said he's a teenager 😊. Had a chat last night with leader and we agreed that really it's fabulous he still wants to go to scouts as many youngsters drop out a couple of years before on account of it not being seen as cool. I love it he still goes. I love the structure and guidance he gets we really do have a lovely group. I help out when I can. He's done the parade since beavers so were talking about 8 years of it without complaining which ain't bad 😊 One particularly memorable one in absolutely TORRENTIAL rain! So. I wont get my photo this year 😞 or be standing outside Woolies. (also long gone!)

Original poster
ParadiseCity · 23/04/2016 18:10

I posted because I am normally the committed ultra dutiful volunteering sort of parent. I'm not the feckless cba moaner type. But I am knackered and yes I guess I did want the internet to let me off for once! Smile

But I can't see a good reason to go. If he is kicked out of scouts that's harsh but that's life. Of course I would let the leader know beforehand. Asking another parent is a great suggestion, thank you, but I can't be sure when sport will finish so I couldn't arrange anything reliable without making another family potentially late iyswim.

OP posts: