Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sorry, another wedding one. Declining invites when you already have plans

132 replies

Tinklewinkle · 23/04/2016 09:47

AIBU to think that a wedding invitation doesn't trump previous, long standing commitments?

We have a music festival here in the summer. The date was announced last summer. We've had tickets for months and months, a whole group of us are all going together. We all go most years

Some friends of ours announced their engagement a couple of months ago and we received an invitation this week - for the Saturday of the music festival.

I called them last night to explain and to apologise that we wouldn't be able to make it. It didn't go very well. To paraphrase - hardly anyone is going because of the festival, we're all arseholes, her day is ruined, etc, etc, etc.

WWYD?

I feel really bad about it, but at the same time a little part of me thinks that if you pick the one of the busiest weekends of the year, you have to accept people may not be able to make it

OP posts:
TheCrumpettyTree · 23/04/2016 18:02

She decided to get married on the weekend the island descends into chaos and shuts down. And 18 of them are going at £200 (ish) per ticket. And you think it's the bride's friends that don't value the friendship Happy? Hmm

merrymouse · 23/04/2016 18:03

It's not just 'a festival'. It's the festival that will cause inconvenience and expense for everyone attending the wedding and the festival which she could have assumed (and knew) many locals would be attending.

She might have wanted to chance booking that weekend because the venue will be available/cheaper, but she should have run it past potential guests before taking the risk.

Mummyme1987 · 23/04/2016 18:04

Could she be pregnant? Needing short notice date? Full of hormones? I remember being a total unreasonable cow over much less than a wedding when I was expecting. Just a thought.

Original poster
Tinklewinkle · 23/04/2016 18:09

Dinosaurs. I haven't, I don't know if any of the others have yet. The bride picked up when I rang last night, and the other friend I spoke to also got the bride. Neither of us have been brave enough to call again

OP posts:
Original poster
Tinklewinkle · 23/04/2016 18:12

I don't think she's pregnant.

They've been together several years, live together, already have one child so even if she was, I don't think they'd be that bothered about getting married in a hurry

OP posts:
CaptainHammer · 23/04/2016 18:28

Yanbu!
My brother is getting married this year, we already have a holiday booked and fully paid for and his wedding date is slap bang in the middle of it! We're still going on holiday. It'll be a shame to miss it but he has been saying dates for about 5 years, breaking up/getting back together about 5 times and he knew we were going away then before he booked the date.
Your friends knew about the festival before the wedding was booked too so should have factored in that not everyone may be able to attend.

almostthirty · 23/04/2016 18:32

Definitely don't feel guilty, it's their own fault and with the way celebrity's aree dropping like flies ATM I wouldn't risk waiting to see them another time

tinyterrors · 23/04/2016 19:18

The bride was a bloody idiot to book her wedding that weekend. It's not like she booked the wedding a year ago and the dates happen to clash, or that she lives the other side of the country and didn't realise the actual date of the festival.

I very much doubt it will only be those of you going to the festival who won't go, those travelling and needing to stay over will likely decline given that cost of travel and hotels/b&bs rocket during big events. They might even find that no one can book a room so close to the festival.

To those saying they'd cancel for a very close friend, if op was a very close friend then surely the bride wouldn't have booked her wedding the day of a hugely anticipated festival that she knew op had tickets for.

Some weddings trump some plans but if I'd have bought festival tickets a year ago and had been talking about it for months then I wouldn't cancel for anyone, especially someone stupid enough to book their wedding two months before a huge annual festival where we both live.

Clearoutre · 23/04/2016 20:26

OP you've done nothing wrong but you're now forced into choosing one event (or a combo of the two) over the other. I'd discuss with your festival mates what to do and consider it long-term...long after the wedding and festival are over how will you feel?

You could be super organised on the day & arrange to be ferried from the wedding to the festival after the ceremony or wedding breakfast so you at least attend the wedding and see the Saturday headliners - it might be awkward having to leave early (potentially en masse) but is a compromise nonetheless, if that's what you want.

The bride's reaction was hardly fair, no-one's out to spoil her wedding they just have other plans made much earlier that can't be changed (why did she lash out instead of saying "Oh cr*p I never realised!"...suggests she already knew about the clash when they booked and was putting responsibilty on you to raise it) but I wouldn't use it to make a decision either way.

Original poster
Tinklewinkle · 23/04/2016 21:37

Thanks

Yes, we are all going to have to talk about it

I feel awful about the idea that none of their friends are going to be there, even if it is their own doing. From a selfish point of view, it's taken the shine off something I've been looking forward to for months, how can I enjoy it knowing that none of us are celebrating their big day with them?

It feels a bit manipulative to be honest. There's no way they don't know the date or that we all had tickets.

I don't know, I suppose we'll all sort out some sort of compromise, but I do feel a bit resentful at the same time.

I don't want to go to a wedding, I want to go to a festival Grin

OP posts:
Helloitsme88 · 23/04/2016 21:56

Just buy her a ticket and tell her to get hitched in a tent

RaspberryOverload · 23/04/2016 21:58

Just because it's a wedding, it doesn't mean everyone else has to drop everything to attend.

I think that given the bride knew about the festival and that her friends had bought tickets, she assumed that her choice to hire the venue at a lower cost than would normally be the case trumped her friends' festival booking.

FranHastings · 23/04/2016 22:06

Seriously, don't go to the wedding!

middlings · 23/04/2016 22:13

I've said it more than once and I'm sure I'll say it again.

People who are getting married need to learn they are not the centre of the universe.

Go to the festival.

CotswoldStrife · 23/04/2016 22:18

They would have known the date when they were booking. There is a reason the venue was free to book because no-one else would even consider it and they have been banking on the fact that they (bride and groom) feel they are a bigger draw than the headliners. They will be smarting a bit, but that doesn't mean that you should attend.

Do their family all live on the Isle too, otherwise it's a bit mean to book a weekend when you know they won't be able to book any accommodation or travel?

I can see this ending up as yet another deleted thread on my list because it must be quite identifiable really.

shinynewusername · 23/04/2016 22:25

I live close to a huge annual sporting event that dominates the entire area. If DH and I had taken leave of our senses and got married that week, we would have known and accepted that many locals would be unable to come - even if we had given them two years' notice, let alone two months'.

The bride chose to have her wedding clash with the IOW festival and she knew her mates were going to it. She is BtotallyU and selfish to expect you all to drop everything for her big day.

lorelei9here · 23/04/2016 22:39

Tinkle
"From a selfish point of view, it's taken the shine off something I've been looking forward to for months, how can I enjoy it knowing that none of us are celebrating their big day with them?"

Well it's their fault and frankly their choice, so go to the festival and enjoy.

BlackeyedSusan · 23/04/2016 22:44

nah, don't change the festival for someone who called you an arsehole!

SisterMoonshine · 24/04/2016 08:28

I bet they've done it to make the festival about them and their anniversary every year from now on.

TheMaddHugger · 24/04/2016 09:14

Is this some weird sort of prove you are my friends ting?

as in 'if you were real friends you would ditch the festival and come to our wedding ' ?

TheMaddHugger · 24/04/2016 09:17

SisterMoonshine Sun 24-Apr-16 08:28:06
I bet they've done it to make the festival about them and their anniversary every year from now on.

Ooooh good point. will she demand you celebrate their wedding each yr instead of Festival ?

or

Will she harp every year at the festival that her wedding was the worst cause no friends turned up ?

Is she a Special Snowflake

Andrewofgg · 24/04/2016 09:23

It feels a bit manipulative to be honest

Totally manipulative - not just a bit. Get thee to the festival and don't feel guilty about it.

Canters15 · 24/04/2016 11:41

I don't really get this bride. We booked a fancy wedding at short notice (wedding was 4 months after we got engaged). There were about three dates left at the venue that were all potentially doable, so we texted round everyone. Two were ruled out immediately, 90% could make the third date so we booked straight away and had a lovely day.

If people hadn't been able to make it we would have pushed plans back- to me a wedding is about celebrating with loved ones and it would have been pointless going ahead if people couldn't come.

Samcro · 24/04/2016 11:51

yanbu
status quo and the who
I would not miss that

Stiddleficks · 24/04/2016 11:59

Op go to the festival guilt free (do you have room for a guest that weekend - I want to go too)
When I booked my wedding for a Saturday in the middle of the summer and we needed hotels in the local city for a lot of guests the first thing I did was check in case there was an event or big match on as I knew the room prices would go up or they'd be hard to get and I didn't want my guests to struggle. I would have changed dates if needed, she's deluded to think she can expect everyone to drop everything for her.