Sorry, another wedding one. Declining invites when you already have plans

[Tinklewinkle]

AIBU to think that a wedding invitation doesn't trump previous, long standing commitments?

We have a music festival here in the summer. The date was announced last summer. We've had tickets for months and months, a whole group of us are all going together. We all go most years

Some friends of ours announced their engagement a couple of months ago and we received an invitation this week - for the Saturday of the music festival.

I called them last night to explain and to apologise that we wouldn't be able to make it. It didn't go very well. To paraphrase - hardly anyone is going because of the festival, we're all arseholes, her day is ruined, etc, etc, etc.

WWYD?

I feel really bad about it, but at the same time a little part of me thinks that if you pick the one of the busiest weekends of the year, you have to accept people may not be able to make it

Yanbu, it really is her problem that she knew full well her friends had prior plans and still went ahead and booked the date. It shows arrogance on her part that she was so certain that you would all cancel. Stuff her, let her be pissed it's her own fault.

We have the opposite issue. Long standing arrangements with all of DH's brothers for a belated celebration of his 40th.

One brother has accepted a wedding invitation that came afterwards instead, so DH now gets to celebrate with 2 brothers and a random mate of one of them.

When you plan a wedding you do make sure all the important guests are free. It's pot luck with the rest of the guests, and if you really want them there you at least talk to them.

Go to the festival and don't feel guilty. Suggest you all have a party after the honeymoon to celebrate the wedding which you and your festival friends host.

"To paraphrase - hardly anyone is going because of the festival, we're all arseholes, her day is ruined, etc, etc, etc."
Well, that really wheedles you into changing your plans doesn't it ?

She knew about the festival, she knew a lot of her friends had tickets, it was rather vain of her to think her wedding would trump everybody else's long-made plans. YANBU, enjoy your festival.

Ask the bride if the venue will allow her to switch days?

YANBU. Invitations are not command performances. You already have plans, and not only that, she knew knew you already had plans (even if she only remembered said plans later). She knew.

Ask the bride if the venue will allow her to switch days?

Seriously??!

Bridezilla needs to get her head out of her Arse IMO

YANBU

YANBU- it's an invite, not a summons.

Download?
Yanbu at all. If it were headliners with my fave bands i wouldn't care who were getting married

Yes, it's on an island, and yes, I think they're completely and utterly mad to even be considering it, let alone to have actually booked it.

I don't think it's a massive wedding, not a big, expensive Venue-type place (well, it is a venue, that does weddings, but not a Venue-Venue if you see what I mean), so there's going to be a big hole in the guest list due to the festival.

Plus their family and friends who don't live here are going to have an absolute bloody nightmare & £££ getting here.

It's not too bad here once you get away from the festival site, but it's still a silly idea IMO

And yes, being called an arsehole doesn't exactly make me want to think about how I can accommodate both wedding and festival

What a shame for them. I can see why she's upset but really it's terrible planning on her part.

If you live there though, and you're not camping, you could make it for the ceremony and afternoon reception then leave the evening. Go to the festival in your finery. It would be fine.

Gosh, festival tickets cost a lot, too, so you're not going to want to chuck that down the drain, apart from everything else.
Festivals aside, any Saturday in summer is going to see lots of people away on holidays that will have been booked more than a couple of months previously, so to plan one with relatively short notice without checking on friends' plans is plain silly.

YANBU if you just go to the festival, OP

God no, I'm not camping up there. I can't think of anything more awful.

DH and I did talk about going to the ceremony and staying for a while, but thought the mass stampede for the exit would be worse than not going at all.

She literally called you an arsehole?
Wow
She sounds off her rocker
You'll remember a festival for the rest of your life!

Yanbu. Festival tickets are expensive!

It's their fault for booking that weekend.

Yep, she called us a bunch of arseholes who are "too old to dance about in a field - grow up"

She was upset and disappointed so I'm not going to hold it against her, I can understand where she's coming from, but we all know the date of the bloody thing.

I don't know, none of us went last year as none of us were interested in the line up, so maybe she thought we wouldn't bother again this year, but it's a totally different line up this year, I can't wait to see Status Quo The Who and we've all talked about it on and off

Sorry, pressed post too soon

We've all talked about it on and off over the last few months, it's not been a secret that we're all going and the date is well known months in advance

They know the festival is happening that weekend, so YANBU. I'm sure they must have got a cheap deal from the venue bearing in mind the island is going to be gridlocked all weekend.

Nothing wrong with getting a cheap deal of course, but they have to accept that it means a bunch of friends won't be able to come, traffic will be a nightmare, etc. That's the price you pay - literally!

Yep, she called us a bunch of arseholes who are "too old to dance about in a field - grow up"
Sour grapes. Tut tut.

You're never too old to dance about in a field.

Yanbu
I can see the bride is disappointed that friends prefer the festival, but calling you an arsehole is out of order. She should have gracefully accepted your decline and had a private moan to her fiancee if she was unhappy.
It's an invitation, not a summons!
(Personally I would much prefer a festival to a wedding, and I don't even like festivals that much)

For a really close friend or immediate family member i would cancel a festival with extremely bad grace and would hold it against them I cancelled a holiday for an old friend's wedding, much to my xh's disgust, he then refused to go.

Which I guess shows that you are not one of her closest friends - but then your very closest friend would probably be going to the festival too.

Write to her and say how sorry you are you're going to miss the date, you would love to see her getting married and will think of her on the day - and if any plans change you would absolutely love to come. And send her a serious present like festival tickets for next year

I don't think it's a massive wedding, not a big, expensive Venue-type place (well, it is a venue, that does weddings, but not a Venue-Venue if you see what I mean), so there's going to be a big hole in the guest list due to the festival.

And the staff list!

It's Absolutely bonkers to have planned a wedding that weekend - it's common knowledge that one traffic hiccup can gridlock the island for hours and who wants their mainland guests travelling home on the ferry with grungy Festi-goers?

I'd go to music festival it's been booked a year.
If she knew quite a few of her friends had booked the music festival last year why pick that date?

Sad that she thinks of getting married as time to close down all the fun and be 'grown up'. Anyone like to bet she will be divorced in a decade with that attitude? Getting married should be the time for the fun to start IMO.