Sorry, another wedding one. Declining invites when you already have plans

[Tinklewinkle]

AIBU to think that a wedding invitation doesn't trump previous, long standing commitments?

We have a music festival here in the summer. The date was announced last summer. We've had tickets for months and months, a whole group of us are all going together. We all go most years

Some friends of ours announced their engagement a couple of months ago and we received an invitation this week - for the Saturday of the music festival.

I called them last night to explain and to apologise that we wouldn't be able to make it. It didn't go very well. To paraphrase - hardly anyone is going because of the festival, we're all arseholes, her day is ruined, etc, etc, etc.

WWYD?

I feel really bad about it, but at the same time a little part of me thinks that if you pick the one of the busiest weekends of the year, you have to accept people may not be able to make it

She knew about it and as this rate of she carries on being a twat she'll end up with no friends either.

At and if. Ffs.

No way would I interrupt the festival to do a bit of her wedding. Really stupid to book that date if you're all fully aware of the festival and the impact on the island. Enjoy your festival guilt free.

If it was a close friend I'd sack off the festival. It will be easy to resell the tickets and festivals happen every year. Friends only get married once.
What she said was out of order and it's bad timing but I'd be a upset if my friends picked a festival over my wedding too.

Well don't plan your wedding when you know your friends are at a festival.

it's common knowledge that one traffic hiccup can gridlock the island for hours

Yes! It even managed to cause traffic chaos all round the south coast one memorable year.

Many years ago I didn't attend the wedding of one of my closest friends because I had tickets for a gig abroad. She knew how important this was for me (it was a "big", commemorative one) and was very gracious about it. Everybody survived my absence.

Nowadays sometimes I think I should have been there for her, however I also realise that I would have had a crap time thinking my other friends were at the gig. And it is clear that the guests at the wedding had a fantastic time there and my "non-materialisation" at the event was not a problem for anyone.

The situation you describe is different, but I think the unreasonableness lies on the bride; it is the worst weekend to organise a wedding at your place, isn't it?

I am just back from a wedding in Italy, one of my closest friends married her long-time partner there, where she is originally from. She wanted a very small wedding, just close family and a few friends, so the chosen date was on the same weekend of the wine fair which collapses the town. It was great for her, she had an excuse not to invite many people and even her extended family in Italy had to politely decline. A triumph! But, obviously, this is not your friend's scenario.

festivals happen every year.

I do agree, but this particular line up is happening this year and I love all the headliners

I've just seen the lineup, I think you should go to the wedding and give me your tickets.

Hmm - wedding or festival .....?
Portaloos or boring speeches? Neither float my boat TBH but the "grow up" comment would have me reaching for my wellies and face paint!

Please go to the festival and ignore your demented "friend".

It's different if it had been organised with over a year's notice, but at such short notice they are completely daft to expect people to change their plans.

Portaloos - get pissed, you don't mind so much then - plus, if you have a child who you can convince to a) come with you and b) jig about a bit you can jump the queue!

I'm definitely going to the festival, but I do feel quite bad about it so would it be spectacularly rude to go to the ceremony, stay for some of the reception and then leave early evening?

There's not much happening during the day I don't think, so I wouldn't mind sacking it off for a couple of hours and going to the wedding for a while, but I don't know if the inevitable mass exodus would piss her off even more than just not going

Well if it's the festival/island I think it is then she's a complete numpty for booking her wedding then.

And even without that, if you book a short notice wedding then you have to accept that more people might already have plans.

I think they'll try and persuade you to stay at the wedding or you'll get delayed and you'll feel worse than if you just stick to your guns and don't do any of it.

I have never left a wedding / evening do at the time I'd mentally planned. Always later.

She's given you very little notice and if you were a "must be there" guest, then she should have checked your availability before booking.

More likely, you and your DH aren't "must be there" guests - she checked with people like both set of parents and siblings, best man and bridesmaids, the real "must be there" types, if it was just you declining, she'd probably accept it with good grace. I'm sure the first of your group to decline was met with a gracious response. It's the sheer number of you rather than the individuals that's causing the problem.

She's clearly rather arrogant, she knew you had plans for that weekend that had already cost you a lot of money, and expected you to consider her wedding a priority enough to just dump your tickets, she doesn't want to go so believes she has a right to tell you all not to go. It's rather different than if she'd got her invites out before you'd booked any tickets or didn't know you planned to go.

A festival can cost as much as a holiday. It's completely unreasonable to expect you to lose that money then spend more on her wedding. Especially when she knew you were at a festival that weekend. The bride needs to give her head a wobble. People have plans and can't make it, that's what happens.

Tinkle, I think you've been very kind to excuse that remark.
I'd be saying "you're too arrogant to realise your wedding day is for you to get married, not to hold court and pretend to be princess for a day".

The groom has to be blamed for the date too though.

Assuming it's the IOW and the festival thereon- nobody will be able to get on or off or find anywhere to stay! The venue was obviously only available because it's that weekend. She's a div.

Wow have just Googled the line up I would skip out on my own wedding for that sibvvvvvu!

Yanbu. The Isle of Wight festival is the best.

I'm sorry. But if you live in a small place were there's a huge festival that you know your main group of mates goes to religiously, annually then you are very very unreasonable to book your wedding on that same day. It's very Veruca Salt of her really.

I didn't want to go to THAT FESTIVAL
So I booked MY wedding that day
So now you CAN'T either
Because it's MY BIG DAY

entitled

If you know your group of friends has spent a lot of money getting tickets for something planned well in advanced, then you are very bloody unreasonable to expect them to then lose that money because you booked your wedding that day.

If bride and groom have low attendance, then they've only themselves to blame.

"I do agree, but this particular line up is happening this year and I love all the headliners"

Just looked at the line-up and if you really want to go to the wedding, Twinkle, I'll go to the festival in your place!

YANBU. They already knew you had plans when they booked the venue. They have no right to expect people to rearrange their plans. She sounds unhinged.

MIL phoned us before she got married to check the date she was planning. We told her we had festival tickets and SIL would be away. She went ahead and booked the wedding without her children being able to attend and then sulked about it.

Festival every time. Weddings are so boring. All that waiting around. Pomp and ceremony when none cares. I would say sorry but it's been arranged for months. Good luck. Get them a niace present and enjoy 3 days of mud sweat and beers!