Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Sorry, another wedding one. Declining invites when you already have plans

132 replies

Tinklewinkle · 23/04/2016 09:47

AIBU to think that a wedding invitation doesn't trump previous, long standing commitments?

We have a music festival here in the summer. The date was announced last summer. We've had tickets for months and months, a whole group of us are all going together. We all go most years

Some friends of ours announced their engagement a couple of months ago and we received an invitation this week - for the Saturday of the music festival.

I called them last night to explain and to apologise that we wouldn't be able to make it. It didn't go very well. To paraphrase - hardly anyone is going because of the festival, we're all arseholes, her day is ruined, etc, etc, etc.

WWYD?

I feel really bad about it, but at the same time a little part of me thinks that if you pick the one of the busiest weekends of the year, you have to accept people may not be able to make it

OP posts:

RortyCrankle · 23/04/2016 14:10

Enjoy the festival. I would be pointing out to the bride that she's the arsehole for booking her wedding when she must know it's during the festival. Now she knows why it was easy to book on that date.

starry0ne · 23/04/2016 14:11

YANBU.. enjoy the festival

HarlotBronte · 23/04/2016 14:28

Some wedding invitations would trump some long term plans in some relationships. This is not one of those occasions. But I think this is maybe less about plan trumping, and more about what on earth she could possibly have been thinking to choose that weekend.

BikeRunSki · 23/04/2016 14:54

Festival, I thought that before I checked the line up, and doubly think so now I have! Can the b&g not have an "after party" at the festival?

RaspberryOverload · 23/04/2016 15:16

Enjoy your festival

I've got tickets for Download, and while this festival happens every year, the lineup doesn't and two of my favourite bands are headlining. No way am I missing it this year!

First time I've been and I'm not likely to be able to go very often again, so I've already turned some invites down for that weekend. And if an invite to a wedding turned up for that weekend, I'd certainly decline.

Yes, all these festivals happen every year, but lineups change and each year the festivals are different. But festival, holiday, etc, if it's booked already, I reserve the right to decline the wedding invite.

DinosaursRoar · 23/04/2016 15:22

I do like the fact she thinks you are far too old to be dancing in a field at a festival, but not to dance at her wedding...

Giving only 2 months notice of a wedding in the start of the wedding/holiday season, there was a good hance that you'd already be committed to something else. She knew you wouldn't be at someone else's wedding or aboard on holiday as she knew you were keeping the weekend for the festival, so she's not bothered to check you'd go to her wedding on that date before booking it as she's taken the decision for you that the festival tickets are something you'd just dump for a wedding, because she would.

Any other weekend in June, there's a good chance quite a lot of her guests would be unavailable with other weddings, christenings, holidays planned. A June wedding with less than 2 months notice was always a huge risk of low turn out without checking first with guests, she just felt she could get away with not checking as she knew you'd not be away as you'd be at the festival, which she can cancel for you.

Is she very bossy the rest of the time?

specialsubject · 23/04/2016 15:28

that reaction alone tells you that you go to the festival. What a spoilt brat she sounds.

it also sounds like she badly needs to change the date; but I still wouldn't go given that she insulted you.

Mummabear22 · 23/04/2016 15:30

Yanbu you shouldn't feel bad, she should have looked at the date. It's not your fault not many people will be going.

lorelei9here · 23/04/2016 15:35

Sorry to go all conspiracy theory but is there any chance she did this on purpose? Maybe she wants a tiny wedding and felt pressured into a big wedding? I'm probably clutching at straws.

PrettyBrightFireflies · 23/04/2016 15:54

lorelei if she did, she's gone the wrong way about it.
Triple figure ferry fares, limited/high cost accommodation, Hung over and temporary waiting and kitchen staff - even the florists/hairdressers will have limited availability, as they and their staff take holiday to either go to the Festi themselves or get as far away as possible from the Island before it starts.

Anyone whose lived on the Island during a festival knows not to schedule events that week. Traffic is diverted. Some housing estates are closed to traffic completely. Schools take development days, local councils reschedule meetings, businesses place regular orders in advance and you just don't even consider cross Solent travel.

Janecc · 23/04/2016 16:19

Ok so the wedding is a ridiculous idea and she's acting like an entitled bridezilla. Yes, she needs to come to her senses or accept she will have a really small wedding.

lorelei9here · 23/04/2016 16:20

Pretty, that's my point. If she wanted to get married just the two of them, might she use this as an excuse?

people are so weird about weddings, I just wondered.

Original poster

Tinklewinkle · 23/04/2016 16:40

I don't think she's doing it as she wants a small wedding. She wouldn't be making a fuss over all of us declining surely.

As Pretty said, it's a bit of an odd way of going about it.

She's taking the risk that those she does want there would be able to get there and find somewhere to stay. Ferries are usually pretty booked up (and v expensive) the RedJet gets jammed, etc. Stuff like catering - the wholesalers tend to prioritise festival customers, assuming you can get an order/delivery they've got to fight their way through to you. No chance of getting a taxi, etc. I'm actually surprised there's a registrar that weekend as the council pretty much shuts down for anything non-essential for 4 days

Businesses that don't attract festival goers (anything that's not a pub, B&B near the site, supermarket, etc) write that weekend off so I think, as a PP suggested, she got a cheap deal from the venue (and it was available at short notice) as it's a weekend that's usually avoided like the plague.

I've been chatting with one of our friends who was also invited (there's about 18 of us plus kids going to the festival, although I'm not sure if all of us have been invited to the wedding) and she also got short shrift, B&G aren't going to have any friends left at this rate.

They really, really, need to think about changing the date, I'd hate for it to be a complete washout.

And no, I am not too old to dance in a field (well, I probably am as it takes about a week to get over the hangover, but fuck it, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it)

And I wouldn't say she's usually massively bossy, but she can be a bit dismissive of other people's opinions/likes/dislikes if it doesn't tally with hers.

OP posts:

PrettyBrightFireflies · 23/04/2016 16:47

lorelei you've just reminded me - the Registrars Office is bang-slap in the middle of the Festi-site. They don't carry out marriages there that weekend, funnily enough.
I'm surprised the B&G have managed to book a registrar for that date at all, tbh - it'll be a complete nightmare for whoever is officiating to get in and out of their office to collect the necessary paperwork!

Original poster

Tinklewinkle · 23/04/2016 16:50

They move the Registry Office to County Hall for a few days before, during and after.

OP posts:

merrymouse · 23/04/2016 16:51

So she knows it's likely that her friends will have bought tickets for the festival, and she knows that choosing that date will make accommodation and travel a nightmare, but she wants people to throw away their tickets and everyone else to put up with the inconvenience?

She is just suffering the consequences of her actions. She is also likely to find that other people leave early or arrive late, just because of the logistics of travelling to and staying on the island on that date.

lorelei9here · 23/04/2016 17:07

Wow
The more info, the more baffled I am.

Original poster

Tinklewinkle · 23/04/2016 17:21

To be honest, the festival is a right old pain in the arse. It's right slap bang in the middle of our main town. I'll never understand why they don't move the bloody thing right out of the way and have done with it.

But if you can't beat them, join them

OP posts:

HaPPy8 · 23/04/2016 17:30

Im going to go against the grain here and say YABU. I wouldn't miss a good friends wedding for a festival. I think it doesn't reflect well on how much you value your friendship. It is a situation where I would put someone elses feelings above my own.

Rafflesway · 23/04/2016 17:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheCrumpettyTree · 23/04/2016 17:48

Well what about how the bride values the friendship? She knew the festival was that weekend, choose a different weekend if you want all your mates to be there. Getting married doesn't mean you have to be a twat.

Original poster

Tinklewinkle · 23/04/2016 17:54

I think it doesn't reflect well on how much you value your friendship. It is a situation where I would put someone elses feelings above my own.

On the whole, I do agree with you, but then, on the other hand they knew it was festival weekend and they knew we all had tickets when they booked their wedding so it cuts both ways really.

It's not like it's some random festival no one has ever heard of that a group of us have suddenly decided to go to. We all live here, it's pretty much the same weekend every year, it's no surprise to her. It's pretty much the law - do not book anything festival weekend

OP posts:

DinosaursRoar · 23/04/2016 17:56

TheCrumpettyTree is right - the bride knew that was festival weekend. She knew lots of her potential guests had already bought tickets. She knew her other guests would struggle to get to the wedding and either not be able to book accomodation or have to pay vastly higher rates than any other week.

The bride knew all of this and decided that she didn't care about her guests enough to pick a date/venue combination that would mean it would be easy for them to attend without being massively out of pocket.

By picking that date and location, she's shown she hasn't put any thought whatsoever into her guest's comfort.

PrettyBrightFireflies · 23/04/2016 17:57

It's pretty much the law - do not book anything festival weekend

Oh, how true

DinosaursRoar · 23/04/2016 17:59

OP - have any of you spoken to the groom? What's his take on it all ?

Might be worth someone calling him and suggesting a different date might be a good idea, even if the bride is just taking it as an insult, perhaps he can see it's just a really impractical date.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6