It's a wedding invite one...

[gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn]

In an effort to avoid a few posts in here about me later in the year- I need some guidance on how to ensure maximum reasonableness.

So, wedding next year, were about to book venue. Number 1 choice is somewhere we love, it's a bit luxury and a very special place for us. We're having a medium sized wedding c.70 guests. There's nowhere else that compares for us. Now the problem, they have a rule that all guests must be residents in the hotel- everyone must stay. It's expensive. Most guests don't live locally, so realistically would need a hotel room anyway. We don't have the budget to pay for the rooms for everyone. Some of our guest wouldn't bat an eyelid at the cost, some wouldn't be able to afford it. We could probably pay 50% of total room bill in our budget. So subsidise all rooms until they cost £50-75 per person ish? How would we even begin to word it on an invite?

How do we avoid being unreasonable? Should we give up and look elsewhere?

Thanks

Lily - The last wedding I went to there 3 couples who weren't staying couldn't get a cab and had to walk... I've been twice and the food was terrible both times. I've taken at least 4 suggestions that I've now sent to DP for us to look at. Archerfield is quite close to home for us but not an option for many reasons.

To the poster before who has been to the wedding- how did the couple handle it? How was the rest of the wedding?

Thanks

Honestly it's not worth it cos it'll be the main thing people bitch about behind your back remember afterwards.

I generally stay in a local b&b when I have to travel for a wedding. It's the cheapest option. So I would find your plan (even subsidised) to be heavy handed.

Cheers sweary, can't have the wedding i want and now I'm riff raff too

Nah! Just your guests ;)

What time of year are you getting married?

I'll take DP to see Cameron house too, assuming they don't have similar rules. I like it there but I means travelling and staying over for pretty much everyone that way. Wonder if it's too late for me to get married at the uni chapel?

I totally agree with the people who are saying if they were invited they would be unable to go because of this enforced rule of staying at the venue. Weddings are never cheap but as a guest you set yourself a budget and if that includes a night or two at a Travelodge or Premier Inn ,then you can make a short break out of it. BUT when it starts eating into your "main holiday of the year" budget , I would have to decline.

OP -Have you looked at Duchally ,which is up the road . Lovely place .

To us, what made our wedding special was the people. We chose a venue that was close to train stations etc and that had multiple options for accommodation to suit people. Your plans seem like the guests are secondary to the lovely venue with golf and spa facilities.

I have a feeling the rule is to maybe stop the hotel being seen as a 'wedding destination' venue and to keep it exclusive.

Good luck with OP, not sure what I would do in your situation really.

I agree with the poster who said that if you can't afford to pay everyone's room costs, then you can't afford Gleneagles.

(And no, it doesn't make it better if you say 'We understand if you can't come' in the invitation. That goes without saying.)

"Yes, whatsthatcoming, it says so on their website (quote from it posted upthread)."

I saw that, but it also says, "Unfortunately we do not have sufficient capacity to accommodate non-residential wedding guests." which implies that so long as the rooms are booked (i.e. the capacity used) there shouldn't be an issue.

It makes a difference because the OP might be willing to take the risk on having to pay for say 25% of the rooms and not say anything to guests about it.

Great big, the majority of our guests would love it

Of course, the temptation would be to 'encourage' people too much into staying at the hotel, and still piss people off.

Say they manage to get a b&b for £80 which is pretty average, we're talking about the difference of £70 a couple maximum.

It's only £70 but it's £70 on top of all the other expenses which they may be stretched to fund anyway.

I could afford to pay that. Would I want to for a boring wedding? all weddings are boring in my opinion probably not. I also can't see how people who are staying for only one night will have time to travel to the hotel, use the spa/golf and then have time to change.

Can you fund all of the room costs for the one night and then send out a tacky poem asking for a cash wedding present to fund your honeymoon hotel room costs This, whilst not ideal, would be a far sweeter way of doing it than a note saying, in effect, you can only come if you can afford it. Presumably those who are wealthy would contribute more to your wedding present than those who are less wealthy. It should cover a lot of the shortfall and I'd be far more inclined to give a generous wedding cash gift if I was getting a free room.

October sweary... 2020 at this rate 😳

The couple remain blissfully unaware as all their guests were too polite to say anything to them. the wedding was nice, ran very smoothly; not the best I've been to but far from the worst. Thing is.... You've thought ahead... If you go with it, everyone agrees to it, and says it's lovely.... Will you actually ever believe them? Or will you look at the almost uniformly negative responses on here, and drive yourself nuts wondering what people really think?

I can understand why you like the idea of Gleneagles as a venue but am at their booking policy.

Dh used to be a member (of the golf club) there and we spent a few nights there as treats when we could afford it (reduced rates for members).

In fact, he stayed there the night before our own wedding with some of his friends and played a round of golf (full 18 holes!) in the morning with them (not all of whom stayed overnight ) before he and his best man changed into their kilts to drive down to meet me at the church (40 minutes away)

(Our own reception was in a marquee on the lawn of the house where my parents live - a big old country house that had been split into flats: gratuitous picture of the marquee at twilight attached )

Much as I like Gleneagles, which despite being extremely large, still seems to offer personal and personable service, that policy would be a deal breaker.

Have you thought about Duchally House Hotel? Just the other side of the A9 from Gleneagles. For those that have the funds, they could still book a round of golf/treatment at the Spa as day visitors. No idea what it would be like the childcare though - or if it would have enough rooms.

Dowhat we could... The thought of it makes me cringe though. Well do some sums again tonight based of lying all of it and see how bad it looks. And look at some of the other venues suggested, perhaps go and see gleneagles people face to face again and see if we can get some flex... Or run away, get married and just never tell anyone so his mother doesn't smother me in my sleep...

If they literally intend the rules to mean guests MUST stay overnight then that is insane and guaranteed to piss people off.

It makes me cringe far less than the alternative that you are suggesting.

I'll look at duchally- thank you!

Fragile- I meant how did they handle it in invites? Did everyone pay the full thing? I'm assuming the couple didn't...

And it doesn't have to be a tacky poem. You could word it a bit more genteely on the invite.

I do think you should speak with as many potential guests as possible to gauge their reaction to the enforced accommodation costs - personally though if I was to receive an invitation to a wedding at Gleneagles with subsidised accommodations cost I would be delighted as I would be unlikely to have the opportunity to stay there otherwise.(and with the bonus of having onsite room to keep my own drinks in...).. and with it being a particularly rural setting there is probably limited accommodation within reasonable travelling time anyway -
I was more put out by an invitation we had to a wedding in a rural setting where we weren't allowed to stay in the venue (bridal party only!) and then had to hunt around looking for somewhere reasonably close by to stay and ended up paying not much less than what you are suggesting for a B&B with added taxi costs.

Wouldn't go if it was me. The hotel would be too much on top of all other costs and it is bizarre that they even have such a rule. I'd say ask everyone individually but maybe some won't be honest about it.

dowhat There is no such thing as a non-tacky poem asking guests for money to fund your honeymoon.

I can't remember what was said in the invites, but she told us at a big family gathering, wrapped up in 'it's such good value, and a great opportunity, and much easier, etc'. Everyone agreed with her and went along with it, but while it did suit me (travelling over, stayed for long weekend) it was very badly received behind the scenes.

I just don't think there's any good way to dress 'I want a posh wedding, and you all have to stump up for it'.

I agree, I meant request it in non poem form. Which is also bad form but better form than saying you can only come if you can afford it or put yourself in financial ruin to pay £150 for a room when there is a £39 travelodge nearby